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I feel like I am blaming the crumbling relationship on his depression

Andyyyyy

Andyyyyy

New member
Joined
Apr 17, 2019
Messages
2
Location
New Zealand
I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. There are problems with the relationships that i've noticed. Since last novemeber, the relationship has been wack. This is because he's had a big depressed period and then it passed and he said he was happy but he was still critcal negative, affectionless. At one point he said he didn't care about anything. He's been isolating himself but I think thats over. It's like he doesnt care about me anymore.


There are definitely periods where he cares.


Dec Nov - very depressed. He's told me that this is the period where he stopped loving and liking me.


Jan - pretty good and affectionate but he said he was faking it to make me happy but there were small parts where he meant it.


Feb - affectionate occasionally but then everything hit the fan when he unbottles. He said the relationship was too much effort and he doesn't love me anymore and he doesn't care about anything. It's all fine tho afterwards and he goes back to loving me.


March - a combination of depressed and very very affectionate. So 2 weeks are awful and 2 weeks are very good. He was his old self again and he loved me again.


April- stuff unbottles again and he says things like that he doesn't love me anymore or like me. He said i make him feel like shit and that's why he isolates himself. He also says he only loves me in the moment. Then once he's unbottled, he takes everything back apart from the isolating part and him feeling like shit part. He tells me he loves me, he cares about me, that im important and that he cant help but liking me. We have a good week. He's affectionate and lovey again.
Then he dissapears (so he isolates himself for 3 weeks).


May - he comes back. He told me that he wasn't doing good so he figured he'd just leave me alone. He also said he did self care. He said the relationship was back to normal and he told me he loved me. He's isolating himself a bit. He hasn't said he loved me the last few days or anything else in that vein.


He say's hes not depressed but he also says he's lonely, sad, lost and without a purpose in life. He said he never has anything to say to me and he said it's unique to me. He seems depressed but he tells me he is happy (this also happened in feb. In feb he was saying that he was happy since he didn't care about anything). Maybe I am only getting a small glimpse of his life, one where he seems miserable when in the grand scheme, he's doing good. But he's clearly not doing good.



Is depression to blame or normal relationship problems?
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2015
Messages
9,385
Location
basketville
hello Andyyyy hmmmn not sure really a bit of both. but it does sound like he fluctuates in his moods
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2015
Messages
9,385
Location
basketville
stability of their enviroment is very important as well as the other stuff in their life. maybe he thinks that the depression is just something he would rather ignore like you say.
 
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