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I feel like crap :(

M

Magles

New member
Joined
Oct 23, 2015
Messages
3
Hi, so...I don't usually do things like this, and this is my first time ever on this site.
But I've been told that talking to other people who go through the same experiences as you can be helpful, so I'm gonna try.
I've never been diagnosed with depression. However, I've shown signs for a long time now. I've been to two different counsellors who have both suggested that I may be dealing with a form of depression, and have offered to provide therapy for me. The therapies help. They really do, but as soon as I think I'm better, and the counsellor thinks I'm doing well, I stop going to see them, and something always brings me back to how I was before. Sometimes it's big, sometimes it's something minor.
I think it started in my early teen years, but after seeing a counsellor in high school I had managed to sort things out, and I was doing well. I felt better than I had in a long time. However, last year, I went away to university, and it was my first time living away from my family. I didn't really get along with the people I was living with, my grades were bad, and I missed my friends and family like crazy. This is where I took a bad turn. I felt lost and hopeless, I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't see the point in going to class, or doing assignments, I didn't want to be at school, but I didn't want to be at home either. I was anxious, and jumpy and paranoid. I felt like I was alone, and that I didn't deserve friends or sympathy. I visited a counsellor, and she helped me a lot. But once exams rolled around, I eventually stopped seeing her because I just never seemed to have time, and she seemed to think I was doing better anyways. I eventually got through the year, but over the summer holidays, my aunt passed away after a rough battle with cancer, and my dog died. I decided my best choice was to switch schools, and I went to one that was closer to home. I'm in a different program, and feel like I'm starting fresh. But this has been a rough week. I had all of my midterms this week, a presentation worth 40% of my mark in one of my classes, and a driving test scheduled. I failed my driving test, and ended up missing my presentation because my grandma was in the hospital. I thought my prof would be understanding about the presentation, because she's usually a very nice lady, but nope...she wasn't.
Additionally, to add to this crappy week, I've been talking with one of my best friends about studying abroad since last year, and we had planned to go somewhere together in one of our later years. It's something that I've been able to look forward to. But now she's telling me she wants to go alone, because she thinks it will be a better learning experience if she does. I didn't tell her that it bothers me that she wants to go without me, but it does.
Basically, I feel like crap right now. I just want to go home and cry. Everything sucks, and the few friends I've managed to keep are all too busy for me.
 
B

barry

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 20, 2015
Messages
125
Location
Leics area but south Devon at heart
Hello and welcome .

Reading that and what you say without saying it , is you might subconsciously be feeling a sense of abandonment . Your fine when you can talk to someone whom you can talk to openly about things ( a professional ) and then feel low again when that stops . You obviously can't talk like that to friends because , well , they're friends but not super super cool friends you know well enough you can get that in depth emotionally to . So when low they're that last people you want to be around , because you have to put on a "front" .

Situations have made you feel low and you have nobody to turn to , to bring you back "up"

Your clearly sensitive and need an avenue to express that . Welcome :)

Putting your thoughts into words on here does wonders , nobody judges and even if you think they do then nobody here knows you , your as anonymous as you choose to be . Write what you feel and let it off your mind :) People WILL be comforting and friendly . And if your not entirely "feeling it" then you can close the window/browser and its all gone .

It really does help , believe me .
 
M

Magles

New member
Joined
Oct 23, 2015
Messages
3
Thanks for the welcome!
I'm actually really glad that I found this site to be honest. I think it will be very helpful.
And I think you may be right...I just never really thought of it that way I guess.
 
Unique1

Unique1

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2015
Messages
8,765
Location
UK
:welcome: to the forum!

Hope you do find this forum helpful.
It's been helpful to me

Best wishes
Unique1 xx
 
Nikita

Nikita

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jun 20, 2015
Messages
4,931
Hello Magles:welcome:

I am Nikita,I am sorry your gran is ill and you are having problems keeping up with your studies.

It is disappointing too that your friend wants to go ahead with the plans you both had to go abroad to study alone.I know that is a massive let down.

Maybe you can still go abroad, you can go alone too maybe?

This forum is a warm and friendly place.You need only post what feels comfortable,everyone is friendly,caring and understanding.

I hope you enjoy it here.

I just wanted to welcome you!

Nikitax
 
M

Magles

New member
Joined
Oct 23, 2015
Messages
3
Hi Nikita
Thanks for your concern and your welcome :)
Even if she does go without me I might still go alone. Maybe she's right, and it will be a better learning experience to go alone?
It's just a little hurtful that she would decide it would be better for her to go alone after we made plans to go together. Especially since it was my idea in the first place.
Thanks for the kind words :)
 
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