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I feel like an idiot that doesn't know how to defend myself

H

happysadness

Member
Joined
Jan 6, 2020
Messages
7
Location
Colombia
I'm new to this forum. I need to talk to someone, and i don't want to disturb my sister.
I it was over, i thought i could be normal, i put myself in a bad position, and people started pitying me I think, I tried to look happy I don't know why, I didn't want to disturb anyone with what I needed. I'm too ashamed to share it. I didn't defend myself myself when I should, I'm so dumb, i needed to ask for something, an I didn't, and as a result I ended up getting a cold. I'm ashamed, I'm too dumb. I'm not as good as I thought I was. I feel humilliated, By myself, again. My parents seem dissapointed, and that kills me. I've learned how not to be akward all the time. But I'm still so dumb. Why am I so dumb?
 
D

DyingToBeAlive

New member
Joined
Jan 6, 2020
Messages
3
Location
UK
Bit of a confusing post..can you elaborate? Hard to help without understanding
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
10,036
Location
Nowhere
hi happy sadness :welcome: 🕯 :goodluck:

I think I know what you mean
I have difficulty standing up for myself as well

please say more about your situation
if you would like to

:grouphug:
 
H

happysadness

Member
Joined
Jan 6, 2020
Messages
7
Location
Colombia
Bit of a confusing post..can you elaborate? Hard to help without understanding
I'm sorry I'm a trainwreck, I'm calmer right now. And also sorry for my english. I did something, that was that I didn't do anything to care for myself, and to ask for what I pay for. I thought my self esteem and my boundaries were better now, but no, I still don't know when to ask for help, for what I needed and I was entitled to. I didn't move from were I was, even thought I should have, to not get sick. But moving, and people watching me...
People must have ended up thinking, "she's too dumb", when I wanted the contrary, to pass unnoticed. I'm very very ashamed, I'm 26, I shouldn't be this dumb. I don't want to specify what happenned. I'm ashamed and overly paranoic that someone might found out.
The thing is I made a fool of myself, a guy who was flirting with me days ago, didn't wanted to be too close to me. This is what happened always. They think I'm sort of mysterious, and always want I think to boost their egos, but then they realize I'm crazy. I don't have a healthy self esteem. I'm socially dumb. People like me and think I'm interesting and smart, because I know I created that image on purpose, to not look dumb. To think that people are actually interested in me. But no.
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
10,036
Location
Nowhere
I think I know what you mean
I get issues like that going on

:grouphug: :goodluck:
 
H

happysadness

Member
Joined
Jan 6, 2020
Messages
7
Location
Colombia
I think I know what you mean
I get issues like that going on

:grouphug: :goodluck:
And how do you feel? The only thing that keeps me going on is to plan and to know that I'm going to defend myself the next time. It has worked. But I'm in pain, because I'm an adult know, and flashbacks from childhood come back. It seems that I can't be smart in social situations. I should go back this friday to that environment, and they're going to see me with pitty. And it hurts. I need to proof I'm an adult that can stand for myself. Does pity hurt you too?
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
10,036
Location
Nowhere
does pity hurt me ?
not so much as aggression , sarcasm, cruelty

I think pity is something I can work with
I need people to be aware that I am vulnerable

the ladies at my art class treat me with pity
because I confessed to have some kind of a problem
its a bit patronising
but now they understand why I cant always keep up

defending myself is about expressing how I feel
and showing my vulnerability sometimes
 
Narutaku

Narutaku

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 5, 2017
Messages
53
Feeling like you can’t defend yourself and are vulnerable is hard, I’ve felt that way a lot for sure. Maybe the reason you’re tough on yourself for feeling weak is because inside you’re truly Strong. Good luck🙏
 
H

happysadness

Member
Joined
Jan 6, 2020
Messages
7
Location
Colombia
Feeling like you can’t defend yourself and are vulnerable is hard, I’ve felt that way a lot for sure. Maybe the reason you’re tough on yourself for feeling weak is because inside you’re truly Strong. Good luck🙏
Thank you. I always feel either like the strongest person ever, or like a weak piece of shit. I really need to calm my thoughts.
 
Jewels2020

Jewels2020

Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2020
Messages
8
Location
Hamilton
I'm new to this forum. I need to talk to someone, and i don't want to disturb my sister.
I it was over, i thought i could be normal, i put myself in a bad position, and people started pitying me I think, I tried to look happy I don't know why, I didn't want to disturb anyone with what I needed. I'm too ashamed to share it. I didn't defend myself myself when I should, I'm so dumb, i needed to ask for something, an I didn't, and as a result I ended up getting a cold. I'm ashamed, I'm too dumb. I'm not as good as I thought I was. I feel humilliated, By myself, again. My parents seem dissapointed, and that kills me. I've learned how not to be akward all the time. But I'm still so dumb. Why am I so dumb?
I totally get it, isn't that the best part of social anxiety? When I feel my worst, it's the hardest to ask for help. I hope that voice inside your head quiets down enough for you to reason it out and not feel so bad.

I related to your caption very much! I remember being in an interview and not wanting to take a glass of water because that would mean they would be staring at me until I finished and I could answer my question. My throats went dry because I was so nervous I started coughing, and they handed me water anyway, it was very embarrassing but when my anxiety died down, it didn't seem as bad as it was.
 
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