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I feel like a failure, I'm not ready for children

Lolliebug

Lolliebug

Member
Joined
Aug 18, 2018
Messages
15
Location
Irvine, PA
My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant and as the time goes by I realize more and more that I am not ready for children. At this point I don't know if I want to have children at all. I've been absolutely terrified since the second month that we were trying to conceive but didn't tell anyone because I know my husband wants to have a family. I also know that having a child just because my husband wants to is not the right thing to do. I talked to my husband about this tonight and he is ok with it. I'm sure he is at least a little disappointed because he does want children eventually. I asked him if he would leave me if I couldn't ever have children and he said he wouldn't.

Even though he said he wouldn't leave me over not having kids I am afraid that in the future he will resent me and our marriage will be ruined or he will leave and find another woman who wants to have children. I'm terrified he will leave me and am having a full blown panic attack over it. I kept telling him I was sorry and he kept telling me to stop being sorry about it. He is usually more sensitive when I have a break down but this time he wasn't.

I feel like a failure as his wife because he wants kids and at this point I don't know if I will ever want them. I am so mentally unstable that I don't think I would be able to handle having children. My mom told me its different once the child is born but I'm too scared to risk it. I don't want to be a total mess in my head then have a child thinking things will get better once it gets here then end up with things getting way worse.

I really don't think anyone around me understands that I don't think I have the mental capacity to be able to handle children and all the stress that comes with having them. I would like to think I will eventually be able to have children but at this point I don't think I will ever be stable enough to handle having them. I just feel like such a failure as a wife.

Edit: spelling error
 
BetaMale

BetaMale

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2018
Messages
659
Location
India
I asked him if he would leave me if I couldn't ever have children and he said he wouldn't.
You are truly blessed to be married to such a man.

I really don't think anyone around me understands that I don't think I have the mental capacity to be able to handle children and all the stress that comes with having them. I would like to think I will eventually be able to have children but at this point I don't think I will ever be stable enough to handle having them.
Please listen to me, even if this isn't what you were expecting to hear. I'm a 30 year old man who will never have children and I think it's a good idea for people with severe mental illness not to [have children] because it would make their mental health much, much worse. There are ways to gain fulfillment in life without having kids; indeed your friends with kids may envy your stress-free life. But ultimately, the final choice is, of course, up to you.
 
sadpunchingbag

sadpunchingbag

Well-known member
Joined
May 29, 2019
Messages
1,371
Location
London
You don’t need children this conception the whole Porpose of like is to reproduce which sure for animals we are also but I’d hope we moved a bit along the evolutionary process if you don’t want kids don’t have them if you want kids have them doesn’t need to be kids of your own you can adopt
 
C

celticlass

Well-known member
Joined
May 7, 2011
Messages
499
Location
Scotland
Ah I see. Stumbling in. That's what happened in my case. And I stumbled and fell 5 times lol. But this is a serious matter and needs balanced opinions on it - which is what I hope you get. At the end of the day it is up to the two of you to discuss everything and make decisions. I know nothing about your mental health or whether you will/can enjoy a greater degree of stability in the future. Views change and feelings change is all I can say. What we can live with at one time in our lives we cannot live with at another. Good luck with your choices and marriage.
 
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