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i feel like a degenerate

R

roastedtofu

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Jul 22, 2021
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I have debilitating mental illnesses and disorders, which I'm not gonna get into because it's just gonna convince me that I'm not normal further than I believe.
I've had a shit mental health week. I don't want to talk to friends, i don't want to eat, i don't want to go downstairs, i don't want to associate with family. I just want to sit in my bubble and stay on my computer, and i barely have the motivation for that.
It's so hard to get out of bed. So damn hard. I'm still showering because i feel worse if i don't, but even that's hard. I had to go on a zoom call with a teacher, yes, a zoom call and it took me so long just to get up, maybe 2 hours or so, and shower. Nothing else. I went downstairs for maybe 10 minutes and my mom was the one to bring me food. The only thing I've eaten today is a bowl of cheerios, which took me 5 minutes to pick up and start eating.
I just want to sleep.
My brother came into my room and started snapping at me about how all I do is sit on my computer and that I'm apart of this family so i need to get up. He said that I'm turning into a lowlife who lives in their parents' house. It really made me feel like a fat sack of shit to be honest.
I'm losing weight rapidly, and I've always been called chubby however my family members are pointing it out nowadays. i went to dinner the other day, but i was medicated and that's the only reason. other than that, i haven't been out of my house in over a week.
My suicidal ideation is back. therapy isn't helping, it's kind of like talking to a wall that says "it'll get better" and nods. The medicine doesn't work, it feels like I'm a nauseous zombie. I've been tempted to relapse with drugs and sh. I feel like everything is swallowing me up. I don't know what to do.

does this make me a degenerate and can anyone offer advice on how to slowly climb out of this?
 
M

ManDss

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Argentina
Normally "degenerate" is used to describe other kind of actions.

How to climb out ? First is to detect the problems. I only picked that you have low energy and feel unmotivated, but I guess its more than that. And low energy is just a cause of other problems, right ?

Why you feel like that ? What makes you feel so bad ? I mean, dont think everything is great and you are feeling like that just with no reason.

Dont know what are your problems but, think: do feel this bad is gonna help you to find a better life ? Actually is just gonna to stuck you more.

If you feel bad and need some time because you are tired its understandable, but also take some time to plan the future, so when you finish to rest start with something.
 
sunset547544

sunset547544

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Learn how to code? It's a good way to occupy your mind in a productive way. And you can do it sitting down 💪
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

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Apr 20, 2019
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We've all shared our problems here, that's why we're here, so you'd be better off telling us what's really going on and we may be able to offer better advice and you may find plenty of people experiencing similar things too.
 
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