I feel it creeping back in

[Kenza]

I've been struggling with depression on and off for most of my life one of the triggers for me is getting romantically rejected that might seem stupid but I can't help it I have a deeply settled belief at the back of my head that no one will ever love me and as soon as someone rejects me I go into thinking that it's true and start drowning in a pool of depression. I am fed up with myself I haven't felt okay in so long and it's exhausting I know life isn't supposed to be great all the time but it shouldn't hurt this bad either. I am seeing my psychiatrist every 3 weeks and am taking mood stabilizers and antidepressants as I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder which my psychiatrist isn't so sure about anymore because he hasn't seen me experience mania or hypomania but how does he expect me to experience it when I'm taking my medication. It's weird but I miss hypomania a lot it used to feel magical everything felt brighter food tasted better and music sounded better life was at its full colors and now it's just so plain and dull. I've been having trouble waking up recently and been feeling like sleeping all day I don't see a meaning to my life anymore.

 

[JessisMe]

Hi Kenza I’m so sorry you are hurting.
Is there anything that makes you feel more engaged or uplifted? I know how great manias can feel. Coming down from them can be a major bust. xo, j

 

[Kenza]

I usually enjoy being with my friends but I kind of tend to shutdown when I'm feeling low although they're pretty good friends I don't want to annoy them with my constant low moods and nagging.

 

[JessisMe]

I usually enjoy being with my friends but I kind of tend to shutdown when I'm feeling low although they're pretty good friends I don't want to annoy them with my constant low moods and nagging.

It sounds like they understand the situation.
You are lucky that you have such understanding friends. Maybe try and spend a little more time with them while making a conscious effort to cut down on the nagging? It’s great that you have at least one thing that makes you feel better! xo, j

 

[treasurebox]

Music helps me. Music therapy or listening to good and uplifting music in youtube makes me feel and think better.

Also doing what I love to do which is writing helps me too. What do you love to do? What are you good at? Is it cooking, baking, gardening, doing arts and crafts? Do it and it will make you happy and even be successful.