• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

I feel invisible

B

Beckybecks

New member
Joined
Sep 23, 2020
Messages
1
Location
croydon
Im invisible



To say im invisible is an understatement. I mean not in the literal sense hut it might aswell be.

Don’t get me wrong, im very greatful for my life. Its come leaps and bounds from where I’ve been and I couldn’t imagine i’d be so secure when I was 18.
But im alone. I dont mean single. I mean lonely. I have no friends. I have no one outside of nan that cares about me. Day in day out no one will call, text anything. Never. Not even on my birthday. You know people usually have an influx of superficial love on the birthday... not me.
In 2015 People told me, dont worry you’ll make long lasting friends at uni. Nope. In 2018 dont worry you’ll make likeminded friends once youre in your career. Nope. Now were in 2020 and theres no change. Its not like I’m not friendly or that I’m not approachable because people talk to me, but it never goes beyond that. You might think youre friends with someone but then you realise they dont think the same.
I literally long to be wanted. In some capacity. Not sexually cos i couldn’t care less about that but socially maybe? See I’m the common denominator here, there must be something wrong with me. I really try! I try to improve on my flaws, i try to include myself in things, i give out positivity to everyone while I’m crumbling inside. But I dont get the same back.

My self hatred is so deep inside of me that maybe people can see that. But i have this positive persona that I thought hid everything well... maybe not. That confident mask comes on whenever I’m talking to anyone, regardless of how I feel and comes straight off the second I’m alone.

Why do people make me feel so insignificant and unimportant? Am i hypersensitive or do they do it on purpose? Whenever I start to feel something positive about myself someone comes along and knocks that away. Then I’m back to square 1. Hating everything about myself. Scowling when i look in the mirror. How can someone hate themselves so much? I dunno.
Maybe I am just a disgusting person that doesn’t deserve to have friends. Every day i try to be happy. I try to find joy but it doesn’t come. Maybe happiness for a short tome but never for long and never joy. What is joy? I have no clue. Never had it. Well i have days where I’m super UP, I’m on cloud 9 and i can take over the world. But majority if the time I’m just sad, i see nothing worthwhile in myself.

I have a job that i love! But as soon as im in that car heading home, I’m invisible again. Why am I like this? I just wanna feel normal like everyone else. Not counting down the minutes til 10.30 when i can go bed because I just want the day to end. Tired of being alone. Tired of talking only to myself. When will I cross someones mind? When will someone check on me like I do them? I pour into people from an empty cup! How is that possible?! SERIAL KILLERS HAVE FRIENDS! Real horrible mean people have people that wanna be around them. So are you telling me Being around me is worse than that?
Anyway, I’m just gonna continue going about my day to day. Even if no one remembers i exist.
 
Z

Zaz

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Sep 1, 2020
Messages
584
Location
UK
I'm sorry you are feeling all of these things. I feel a lot of what you describe too and it is wrecking my life. I have no advice to give sorry, I just though I'd respond to let you know you are not invisible and you are not alone, other people experience what you do and struggle to cope also. Best Wishes 🙂
 
B

bpd2020

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
7,535
Location
England
Hello and welcome to the forum. I am so deeply sorry you are in so much pain. Like you, I have struggled all my life to make friends. I realised I was attempting friendships with emotionally unavailable people. My parents are emotionally unavailable and therefore being with similar people felt normal to me. I now have one true friend that I made online. I understand you wanting to have friends. We all have a need to be appreciated and I am so sorry you do not have that. Maybe joining online forums of things that interest you will help you to make more connections? It can be the first step to having some socialising.

I am sad you feel such deep hatred. I wonder if you have every thought about having therapy? I think when we hate ourselves therapy can help us to find out why and make sense of it.

I am glad you have joined this forum. You will find a lot of support on here.
 
fluffydogs

fluffydogs

Member
Joined
Sep 24, 2020
Messages
5
Location
Romania
Hi! You're not invisible!
I understand what you're saying since I also feel this way sometimes.

When I went away to college I was hoping to make some friends but I didn't. I went out for drinks and was always friendly but somehow no one really seemed interested.
I also thought there was something wrong with me but I now realize they just weren't the kind of people that I click with. What I'm trying to say is that it's possible you simply haven't found "your people" yet.

I am here for you if you ever want to talk about this or anything else. Just send me a message.
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
K I feel like I'm lost in life Depression Forum 12
L I feel like im stuck Depression Forum 12
CenotaphGirl I want to have a baby..to the point I feel broken Depression Forum 15
A I feel like there s something seriously wrong with me Depression Forum 6
D Feel so depressed Depression Forum 2
apple2003 just got out hospital feel hopeless Depression Forum 1
A I feel disconnected with life Depression Forum 7
C I'm just plain bored... And I feel like I can't do anything about it. Depression Forum 6
T Feel depressed since Trump lost Depression Forum 5
J Need some help I'm feeling very depressed the moment and just do not feel good Depression Forum 4
S I feel like my life is some sort if sick joke and I'm fed up of living it Depression Forum 39
E I feel so lost and done Depression Forum 7
V I just wanna feel human... Depression Forum 4
K do you feel looked down upon by former friends or people you know Depression Forum 8
H I feel broken Depression Forum 23
I Feel like failure can't stop crying Depression Forum 19
GoGoGodzilla Feel Like It's Overtaking Me Depression Forum 1
A Feel like being encouraged to be suicidal Depression Forum 322
M Anyone else feel like a burden Depression Forum 13
A Do you guys feel the same? Depression Forum 12
M Went for walk to feel better. / couldn’t go through with it Depression Forum 13
L Unmotivated in life, feel like a failure. Depression Forum 13
Ladyfair Feel sad Depression Forum 3
C Is it okay to cut parents off if they make you feel more depressed? Depression Forum 8
H I feel useless Depression Forum 6
FixMe26 *TRIGGERS* I feel like ending it all Depression Forum 5
Hello513 I just feel like falling asleep and not waking up. Depression Forum 1
Lavender_Rose Do you feel your mood dropping? Depression Forum 7
goingpiano I feel so lonely (tw suicidal thoughts) Depression Forum 5
B Feel like shit..... anyone wanna message me? Depression Forum 5
B I feel completely powerless and helpless Depression Forum 5
C I feel like the worst person in the world Depression Forum 19
S Why do I feel like a target for sympathy? Depression Forum 7
Tawny Did you feel the clocks change? Depression Forum 5
M How bad do you feel ? Depression Forum 4
Carol1952 I dont know what to do I feel so depressed because I feel like I am losing my best friend. Depression Forum 10
jajingna Do you feel sorry for yourself? Depression Forum 17
Soladwor I feel I've lost everything, including myself Depression Forum 3
C Could expecting too much be making me feel miserable Depression Forum 10
C How do you help yourself feel good Depression Forum 5
E Feel like a burden Depression Forum 4
K I feel it creeping back in Depression Forum 4
I I feel so overwhelmed Depression Forum 6
G i cant feel anything, but i feel everything? Depression Forum 1
H I feel all alone in the world. Depression Forum 8
memeLRXDD I feel like a issue. Depression Forum 5
C Being a Virgin is really getting to me and making me feel really depressed Depression Forum 17
J Just thinking, feel free to post your thoughts Depression Forum 5
S I'm losing interest in my hobbies and I feel like a failure Depression Forum 6
Ladyfair I feel a little better because of you Depression Forum 3

Similar threads

Top