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i feel institutionalized.

Z

zerol

New member
Joined
Dec 18, 2014
Messages
1
hi, i feel i dont belong in this world, since i was 14 ive been in care of social, probation, prisons and mental health hospitals. i actually feel as if ive become institutionalized.

when i was really ill, the doctors isolated me in a small room, with plastic furniture, once a week the doctor came, and he kept increasing my meds week by week, and he would not allow me in the general ward, this made me angry and i did get mad alot, i would be in isolation for 6mths at a time, the only people i saw were nurses who would check on me every 10mins, just a quick peck though the window on door then gone. i get no help in the outside world, the local mental health time wont help me, they have told me that they are not trained to deal with people who can become very violent.

i told them, its people like you who have made me this way, since 14 years old. the isolation, the unneeded meds, the weekly injection in my ass, i even confronted them about the test subject i was testing out new meds, that made me very ill and needed hospital treatment. i had no human rights, people treat animals better. i wasnt allowed to wash or bush my teeth, nothing. i hate them. they made my world scary. and now im older i cant fit in, i tried the local pubs, but they are full of twats in my opinion, ive tried church, but i got bad vibes from the priest, and he used to look at me like i want you out. is it so hard just to let go.........?
 
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RainbowHeartz

RainbowHeartz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 25, 2013
Messages
13,273
hi, i feel i dont belong in this world, since i was 14 ive been in care of social, probation, prisons and mental health hospitals. i actually feel as if ive become institutionalized.

when i was really ill, the doctors isolated me in a small room, with plastic furniture, once a week the doctor came, and he kept increasing my meds week by week, and he would not allow me in the general ward, this made me angry and i did get mad alot, i would be in isolation for 6mths at a time, the only people i saw were nurses who would check on me every 10mins, just a quick peck though the window on door then gone. i get no help in the outside world, the local mental health time wont help me, they have told me that they are not trained to deal with people who can become very violent.

i told them, its people like you who have made me this way, since 14 years old. the isolation, the unneeded meds, the weekly injection in my ass, i even confronted them about the test subject i was testing out new meds, that made me very ill and needed hospital treatment. i had no human rights, people treat animals better. i wasnt allowed to wash or bush my teeth, nothing. i hate them. they made my world scary. and now im older i cant fit in, i tried the local pubs, but they are full of twats in my opinion, ive tried church, but i got bad vibes from the priest, and he used to look at me like i want you out. is it so hard just to let go.........?
hi and welcome to the forums

im speechless im so sorry you have been through so much

stay strong xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Judazz :hug:
 
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L

lovagemuffin

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
640
im sorry your not getting the support you need but keep posting here theres always someone around and its very kind people. if the mental health team cant deal with someone who can become violent what good are they useless.
 
SarahD

SarahD

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
2,095
Location
UK
Hi zerol, what a terrible time you have had. I think after all the awful things you experienced it is no wonder it is hard to fit in. You mustn't give up. It will take time but you can do it. Even if you go places and feel like you don't fit in, it doesn't mean it will always be that way. You have to make changes slowly, it will involve feeling uncomfortable at times, but try to stick it out for a while. If you keep trying it will become easier.

Do you have any interests you would like to follow up, or hobbies? Sometimes it is easier to get to know people if you share an interest, or even go to groups like that.

Don't know where you are or what kind of health service you have, but could you be referred for some kind of therapy or counselling to help you come to terms with the bad experiences you have had?

Please don't give up

Sarah
 
V

Verity

Guest
You belong in this world :hug1: The treatment that you have been subjected to is horrendous and has no place in a so called civilised society.

Stay strong, reach out for support and allow yourself time to heal.

Be kind to yourself & know that you are not alone in your experiences or pain :hug1:

Verity x
 
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