- Nov 12, 2019
- United States
Hello. My name is Anthony. Last year I was in an emotionally abusive relationship that left me feeling completely helpless. I was constantly manipulated and put down, but I stayed in the relationship because I was more afraid of being alone then moving forward. I was always doing something wrong according to my ex and i never felt more trapped in a relationship in my life. She would threaten suicide and humiliate me in front of anyone she could. I had to watch everything I said so I wouldn't be berated. I was under constant stress and was just waiting for it to finally come to an end. Eventually it did and my ex ruined some of my property. The stress was unimaginable. I have since then found a significant other that treats me well, but recently I feel as if I'm unable to connect with her. I feel like i need to apologize to her for who I am no matter how many times she tells me she loves me and I don't need to be sorry. I feel emotionally numb, and like I'm destined to fail. I have been smoking pot because it makes me feel better in times of feeling too ashamed of who I am, but my parents found out and has only led to more stress. A couple weeks ago my father almost died in my arms from an accidental medication overdose. My brother has a heroin problem which led to him losing his home and his kids yet he constantly manipulates my mother and causes many fights within my family. Since my parents have found out about me smoking pot all I hear is how I'm going to end up like a no good failure like my brother. I feel detached from everyone else like I'm living in my own bubble. Sometimes I break down and have intrusive thoughts. There always seems to be a sense of dread or stress lingering. The thought of therapy has crossed my mind on several occasions but my parents don't know much about how I feel or much about my previous relationship. Often times when I'm feeling broken I tell myself that there is nothing wrong, I don't need therapy and everything is just in my head. I guess I'm just looking for an outsider's opinion...