I feel depressed. My mental problems are stopping me from living

[Tom2020]

Hello, I watch people around me become successful and I complain about not being the same. But i know I am the only one standing in my way. I refuse to get help...

* I suffer from OCD, insomnia, (doctor confirmed) and several other mental problems (I think depression and bi polar - not sure). I want to get help to know, but i do not trust talking to anyone. I was okay talking about my ocd & sleep problems, but i do not feel comfortable going deeper. I have trouble trusting people strangers enough to tell them anything. I am not even a quiet person. I talk a lot. I just do not like to talk about my mental problems with strangers. It is personal*

And here I am almost 29 (next year) with no life. I just want to be normal. I sometimes just wish I was dead so I do not have to deal with these problems anymore. But i would not do anything because I know suicide leads you to limbo. I am religious. I do not know what to do. I want to live in a nice apartment and not a slum. I want money. I want a career. I want to be a chiropractor, but i know I can not do that. 6 years in school. No way. I would graduate at my mid 30s. I am 28 now. Besides I do not see myself going to any chiropractic school till I am mental normal. How long till that? I have hardly any time left before the time limit- 30 years old.

 

[bpd2020]

I think it can be very difficult to open up to a therapist. What I do is wait until I get to feel more comfortable with them. I then find it easier to open up. It can be really hard to speak openly but it does get easier.