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I feel alone and I don't trust anyone.

M

MrStanton

Member
Joined
May 12, 2019
Messages
12
Location
Phoenix, AZ
Hello new to the forums here.

I'm currently suffering from severe depression. I do not have any friends and am estranged from my family. The only family member I still talk to is my sister who lives in another state.

I've been feeling alone and depressed for a long time, but now it is starting to become unbearable. I don't trust anyone so I push everyone around me away. As alone as I feel, I don't trust anyone to be understanding and supportive because everyone I've ever opened up to didn't want to deal with me. People found it exhausting and gave up on me in the past and I don't ever expect anyone to truly care once they realize the pain I hold inside constantly.

I haven't had any friends in a longtime. I can't get close to people anymore because once they start getting close I withdraw from them as soon as I start feeling depressed. On top of that I don't have any way to make friends outside of work and I don't want coworkers involved in my depression as if they hurt me I'll be stuck with them at the workplace which will cause me to spiral.

I have thought about counseling, but I can't afford it. I was gonna call the company counselor, but the place I work at was bought by a different company and I can no longer use the company counselor. I don't know how to heal and learn to let people in. I used to convince myself that I was fine with being alone, but now it's become too painful. I feel hopeless and don't think I can ever fix the pain I feel inside.
 
L

Lora

Well-known member
Joined
May 8, 2019
Messages
89
Location
United Kingdom
Hi And welcome to the forum you have come to the right place where all of us here have a good understanding of the feelings and lack of trust you express . I also have had problems letting people in and found out through therapy it's difficult for me to let others in due to me not trusting myself and a fear of people judging me then rejecting me. I have a difficult time in groups or group discussions and struggle on a l-1 because then the person asks too many questions I don't want to answer as my past is not something that's easy to chat about nor is it a happy positive subject. I like my own company but at times feel isolated and sad . Glad you have joined I'm here if ever you'd like to chat your no longer alone pleased to meet you 😊
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
819
Hi there :welcome: to the forum :) You sound like you have a lot to deal with :) May I ask how are you coping in work, is your work routine complicated :hug:
 
M

MrStanton

Member
Joined
May 12, 2019
Messages
12
Location
Phoenix, AZ
Hi there :welcome: to the forum :) You sound like you have a lot to deal with :) May I ask how are you coping in work, is your work routine complicated :hug:
I do most of the cleaning and stocking at a hotel spa. I work independently which helps to a degree, but also isolates me from everyone. I've been pushing everyone away. Nobody knows about my depression except my manager and maybe my supervisor. I recently started opening up to my supervisor about problems I was having at work, but I very quickly shut him out again and have gone back to pushing everyone away. I don't want to be this way, but some of my coworkers I genuinely don't want to open up to at all and I'm afraid the people I'm somewhat willing to open up to will talk about me behind my back.
 
M

MrStanton

Member
Joined
May 12, 2019
Messages
12
Location
Phoenix, AZ
Hi And welcome to the forum you have come to the right place where all of us here have a good understanding of the feelings and lack of trust you express . I also have had problems letting people in and found out through therapy it's difficult for me to let others in due to me not trusting myself and a fear of people judging me then rejecting me. I have a difficult time in groups or group discussions and struggle on a l-1 because then the person asks too many questions I don't want to answer as my past is not something that's easy to chat about nor is it a happy positive subject. I like my own company but at times feel isolated and sad . Glad you have joined I'm here if ever you'd like to chat your no longer alone pleased to meet you 😊
Thank you. Nice to meet tou too.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
819
As no one seems to be talking about you in work, it would seem the people you have confided in have been excellent choices ;) How would you describe the way you are feeling at the moment :)
 
M

MrStanton

Member
Joined
May 12, 2019
Messages
12
Location
Phoenix, AZ
As no one seems to be talking about you in work, it would seem the people you have confided in have been excellent choices ;) How would you describe the way you are feeling at the moment :)
Isolated. I just wish I had a friend I could talk with. Like someone who I could get a beer with or play games or watch Netflix and just talk about how I'm feeling. It sucks because everytime I want to say I'm not doing well someone asks me at the wrong time, like in front of guests or other coworkers.
 
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