I enjoy thinking about suicide

[Sweetcream1]

Hi there

Throughout my life I found it very difficult to not think about suicide, I just enjoy the idea of letting go of everything im holding on to and just falling down into nothingness, to me it’s so therapeutic and it’s something I’ve overlooked a lot during my time on this planet.

I sometimes ponder on scenarios in which I’ll kill myself or mutilate myself just to imagine how people around me would feel, I like the idea that some of those people will cry, but hate the fact that I know that others will probably forget about me in an instant.


So my question is, why would I do something like this? It’s been with me for a long, long time and I can’t see why I would think of such nonsense.

Thank you

 

[MeAndMyDepression]

Thinking about suicide is comforting and soothing to you. Thinking about it is something you can control in your life. As long as they're passive thoughts, go for it!

 

[MeAndMyDepression]

Since these thoughts have been with you for a long, long time, perhaps they function as a continuum to your past. How was your past?

 

[treasurebox]

To some, to commit suicide will be a good escape from hurts, frustrations, failures, and problems. But we know that suicide is really not an escape.
Life is beautiful and we should enjoy life moment by moment. Yes we may have struggles and problems but life can be good for all of us because we were created to be happy and live a good life, so why think of suicide when you can think of good and better things to do.

 

[Sweetcream1]

My past revolved around a lot of confusion, I didn’t really understand anything when I was a child and thus said many things that angered the people around me, getting myself into plenty of arguments with my parents. I was abused both physically and mentally and I never really did anything with my life until I was around 16. No one really ever told me that I was a ‘good kid’ or beautiful, my confidence was little to nothing at the time and I was a very sensitive kid when it came to conflicts between people.


Is passive suicide...normal? I’ve never heard of such a thing but it also seems pretty strange as well.

 

[MeAndMyDepression]

Having passive suicidal thoughts where you don't have a plan or an intent to carry out a plan is common among depressed people. "Normal" is a very loaded word.

 

[jajingna]

Wouldn't say I "enjoy" such thoughts, but don't really feel bothered by them either. They can be comforting and a way to cope sometimes, guess it's really about not suffering. Obviously when things are fine these thoughts don't arise.

 

[EclipticNight]

Back when i felt that way and death was always on my mind i found the idea of the act of moving from life to death as exciting. For me it was like the day before a big vacation.

Now a days i dont feel like death is quite as exciting. Now its more like an old friend i know one day ill run into. No fear or desire, just acceptance that it will eventually happen.