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I Don't Want To Live Anymore!

M

moonchild66

New member
Joined
Aug 18, 2019
Messages
2
Location
United States
I am new to this forum and this is my first time posting. Today has been very difficult for me because I have a husband that's just doesn't seem to care truly. Today I attempted to commit suicide, but stopped when I thought about my children and grandson.

Depression and suicidal thoughts have been my life since I was 9. I was molested by my father from age 9 - 16. I told mother about it often, but she called me a liar. My childhood was filled with physical and sexual abuse. I tried to kill myself every year, but I just could die.

I went to the military to get away from my abusive household. I was almost raped there. I fought a man for 35 minutes who was trying to rape me. I was hurt, bloody, bruised and tired. It just seem that I had bad luck. I then met my husband at 19. It would seem that I was meant to be treated like shit because in no time, he founds reasons to choke me often. It was always my fault. He is a good father and treats me fine the majority of the time, but he has his own issues.

I have parents who treated me like a unwanted stepchild and are now trying to make up for it. So much has happened in my life that I cry often and has been depressed everyday. My kids stopped talking to me for 5 years back after I separated from their father and filed for divorce. I had no friends and my own family could have cared less. The stress of being in a relationship where I was treated bad by my husband and his family was too much.

After I stopped the divorce and got back with my husband, my kids started talking to me again. I'm now a new grandmother, but I feel like my life is not worth living. I'm so tired of crying, hating myself and seeing everyone else get retreated with love and respect while I have to suck everything up and not talk about what was done to me or how I feel.

I was in the shower today and wanted to hurt myself. I just cried because my husband doesn't want to hear how I feel and thinks I'm weak and need to grow up. There is so many things I didn't write about because it would be a novel. I tried to talk to a therapist, but all I did was cry. The pain is unbearable. I'm so tired of living.
 
F

Fancyharm

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 7, 2018
Messages
917
Location
West Midlands
Sorry you feel so awful.

I know it's hard but you must believe in yourself. The forum will help you, please keep posting.

I have a partner who doesn't care. So I.know how you must feel.

I use the forum and I don't even tell him anymore.

I hope you feel better now. XxxX ❤❤
 
mischief

mischief

Well-known member
Admin
Joined
Dec 9, 2007
Messages
15,766
Location
The World
Hi @moonchild66

A huge welcome to the forum.

:welcome::welcome:

I'm so sorry to hear what you've had to face in life. That's an incredible amount of trauma that you have had to face.

Please share as much as you can here on the forum.

I'm going to do some research and see if I can tell you about some services which you might find helpful. It might take me a little time but I will try to get back to you in the next few hours.
 
megirl

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
8,172
Location
NZ
Hi moonchild66
Sorry to hear what you have had to cope with,
Sounds to be you are a very brave person, which is amazing.

Its great you've joined the forum,
You will find the forum a supportive place to be,
 
daffy

daffy

Well-known member
Moderator
Founding Member
Staff Member on Leave
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
21,357
Location
hiding behind the sofa
Hi moonchild i felt so sad reading your story and about the abuse you have sufferered by your father and husband. Can i ask why you got back with your husband, because it does sound as if your not happy, but you dont have to say if you’d rather not. I was in a similar situation plus I’m also a grandma so i can understand a lot of what your saying
Have you looked in the journals section, because it can be quite therapeutic to write in there. You can talk about anything , personal feelings or just plain mundane stuff. I don’t post in mine a lot now but on looking back thru it i can see how far ive come over the years.
I hope you get something out of the forum . We’re a friendly bunch and there’s lots of sections for general chat as well
 
R

Rebeca1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 6, 2017
Messages
340
I am new to this forum and this is my first time posting. Today has been very difficult for me because I have a husband that's just doesn't seem to care truly. Today I attempted to commit suicide, but stopped when I thought about my children and grandson.

Depression and suicidal thoughts have been my life since I was 9. I was molested by my father from age 9 - 16. I told mother about it often, but she called me a liar. My childhood was filled with physical and sexual abuse. I tried to kill myself every year, but I just could die.

I went to the military to get away from my abusive household. I was almost raped there. I fought a man for 35 minutes who was trying to rape me. I was hurt, bloody, bruised and tired. It just seem that I had bad luck. I then met my husband at 19. It would seem that I was meant to be treated like shit because in no time, he founds reasons to choke me often. It was always my fault. He is a good father and treats me fine the majority of the time, but he has his own issues.

I have parents who treated me like a unwanted stepchild and are now trying to make up for it. So much has happened in my life that I cry often and has been depressed everyday. My kids stopped talking to me for 5 years back after I separated from their father and filed for divorce. I had no friends and my own family could have cared less. The stress of being in a relationship where I was treated bad by my husband and his family was too much.

After I stopped the divorce and got back with my husband, my kids started talking to me again. I'm now a new grandmother, but I feel like my life is not worth living. I'm so tired of crying, hating myself and seeing everyone else get retreated with love and respect while I have to suck everything up and not talk about what was done to me or how I feel.

I was in the shower today and wanted to hurt myself. I just cried because my husband doesn't want to hear how I feel and thinks I'm weak and need to grow up. There is so many things I didn't write about because it would be a novel. I tried to talk to a therapist, but all I did was cry. The pain is unbearable. I'm so tired of living.
Don't kill yourself I have three space ghosts in my body that can split off into about ten men each who are crushing human ghost embryos to death up in the ozone or spirit mist so they don't get done by the real spirit ghost lead universal government from outer space for illegally making bodies out of visions and spirit mist. Mankind is going back to the moon in 2024 and then on to mars in 230s so the space ghosts might abscond, its worth hanging around for because ghosts don't get depressed and the real spirit ghost lead universal government from outer space will grow our tiny ghost embryos /fetus that comes out of our heads after death.
The female space ghost in my body that owns the earth keeps passing through my head as to kill my spirit I go a blur, I don't know if I will make it but I want to live incase they abscond, they just might because they can't entrap people in bodies with the invisible spirit mist they have wrapped around the earth only our tiny spirits, they are worried that someone will die in deep space away from the spirit mist and start to grow from human ghost embryos /fetus to a baby ghost.
Good luck I hope you make it.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
D

Draw on the fire!

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 18, 2018
Messages
81
You should do extra work in films. Or maybe join some library and read up on healthy recipes you could attempt to cook. That way, you'll take your mind off of the problems, somewhat.
 
J

JCPraha

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2018
Messages
864
Your experiences are terribly difficult. I can fully understand why you would be depressed. You really need to gain some support. Seek some professional help, counseling, maybe the VA has some programs for you. Since it seems you get absolutely no support at home, it has got to be super difficult. I really feel for you.
 
I

indigo6

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 30, 2019
Messages
2,525
Location
UK
Moonchild Im so sorry for the things you have gone through, you are not alone, I promise.
You got back with your husband because it was safe and would mend the relationships with your children and thats understandable.
You know hes wrong in his thinking though.
What we go through as children stays with us and thats a kind of relief, an answer, its not you, you need to work through these things though. Believe me on this.
Seems like you feel trapped but look how strong you are. To put up with such selfish behaviour from everyone. Oh poor them (rolled eyes)
Id concentrate on myself, then Id pour love into my grandchild, it will come back to you tenfold and he will benefit from such a person as you to show him the right way in life :hug: x
 
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