• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

I don't want to feel like this anymore!!!



Ok, so I have been experiencing depression on and off for the past 10 years. But it wasn't as bad before as it is now. I've been thinking a lot about it lately...probably because I'm currently unemployed. I think I didn't have such a good childhood. It wasn't a happy one, or healthy, and definitely not stable. I believe I'm still dealing with these issues. I don't like to think about it. I usually keep it in the back of my mind. But I know I need to move on from it. I was born to alcoholics. It was a one night stand actually. It didn't work out. So my mom was a single parent raising me and my younger sister. My dad wasn't in the picture as much. They both drank like no tomorrow. They both are still alive today, thank God. I truly am grateful for that. My dad is a mellow drunk. My mom is a violent drunk. I love both of them dearly, with all of my heart. I understand they have a disease. I would say I've always been self-destructive (probably having something to do with how I was brought up), but there was a dramatic change when I was in high school. I had had enough. My mom was a totally different person when she drank..almost evil. She told me things that to this day bring tears to my eyes. I became suicidal. One night she really started in on me. I called my dad to get me out of there. I tried to gather a bag for the night as fast as I could. But I heard them in the other room. My mom was still going off with her crazy talk. I went to the kitchen & self harmed. I didn't get medical attention. I just remember my dad in complete shock and tears running down his face. My mom finally shut the fuck up. Is that what it takes? That was 5 years ago. She hasn't changed one bit. Everytime she drinks, I expect the worst. I know I can't change her. Only she can do that. I fear, though, that one day I will hurt myself because I'm never good enough for her. I am only this way because of her...;/
Last edited by a moderator: