I don't understand

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MarlieeB

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#1
I really don't understand why the effect of medication doesn't last that long before I need to increase again.

I can't go without it (it's been tried) but I get used to doses so easily.

I don't understand many things.

I don't understand why people are out to get me.

I don't understand why I have to fight so sodding hard all the time.

I don't understand why I'm not allowed to seek support on here. (Which you may see I'm taking a risk right now)

All I want is to *Inserts naughty stuff* but I can't because it's Christmas etc.

I just don't want to deal with me any longer. People would prefer it anyway if I weren't around.
 
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DD040894

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#2
Did you try anything apart from medication?Do you have someone close to you to see if there are some new methods that coukd help you?You have depression or...?Big greetings
 
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misssadness

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#4
I am sorry things are so tough for you. I do not have much effect from medication either although it takes the edge of things so I have to be on it. There is no way any decent person would not want you around as you are such a lovely and kind hearted person. You help so many people on here and are a wonderful asset to the forum. I wish I could make you feel better. :hug:xx
 
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Christobel

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#5
I'm really sorry to see you are in a dark place at the moment. I for one value you gentle and supportive posts. I went for years being medication-resistant, but somehow things have changed. Perhaps they will change for you.
 
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Helena1

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#6
Have you ever tried supplements or changing your diet to help?
 
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MarlieeB

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Have you ever tried supplements or changing your diet to help?
No I haven't but that is something I won't do as well for reason I don't want to go into.

Tried to sleep as I'm not sleeping at all well but still can't :(
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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#8
Self Care is the key

Drugs a secondary aid

I will go out on a limb here and state that EVERYONE with MH issues also has Self Care issues

We cant seem to do it - or cant do it well enough - or need help to do it

No drug in the world can correct this

You need support and education IMO
 
cpuusage

cpuusage

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#9
I really don't understand why the effect of medication doesn't last that long before I need to increase again.

I can't go without it (it's been tried) but I get used to doses so easily.

I don't understand many things.

I don't understand why people are out to get me.

I don't understand why I have to fight so sodding hard all the time.

I don't understand why I'm not allowed to seek support on here. (Which you may see I'm taking a risk right now)

All I want is to *Inserts naughty stuff* but I can't because it's Christmas etc.

I just don't want to deal with me any longer. People would prefer it anyway if I weren't around.
Am sorry to hear that you're struggling. You come across as a very kind, caring & supportive member of the forum.

i have tried to PM, but Not been able to. XXX
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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#11
I would miss you if something were to happen to you or you left. For what it's worth, I knew a woman who was depressed and it turned out it was the pasta she insisted on eating every day. Must be so frustrating to have to tweak the meds constantly. Big Hugs to you.
 
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Stray

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#12
Marliee, I'm sad that you are feeling so low. I don't understand who is after you or why you can't seek support on here, but that feels very isolating. Re meds, I hope that you can get a helpful assessment as to what might work. I know I tried so many ADs without much success. When an awful psych got sick of me he branded me treatment resistant and then came the BPD diagnosis. It was only later that I saw a human psych who took time to listen and understand, that I am now on something that is actually appears to help, and let's me sleep. Keep asking for what you need, you deserve better xx
 
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MarlieeB

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#13
Am sorry to hear that you're struggling. You come across as a very kind, caring & supportive member of the forum.

i have tried to PM, but Not been able to. XXX
Thank you :)

Me and PM's have trust issues so I keep them switched off xxx
 
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MarlieeB

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#14
Marliee, I'm sad that you are feeling so low. I don't understand who is after you or why you can't seek support on here, but that feels very isolating. Re meds, I hope that you can get a helpful assessment as to what might work. I know I tried so many ADs without much success. When an awful psych got sick of me he branded me treatment resistant and then came the BPD diagnosis. It was only later that I saw a human psych who took time to listen and understand, that I am now on something that is actually appears to help, and let's me sleep. Keep asking for what you need, you deserve better xx
Thank you Stray.

I've been made to feel unwelcome (which actually stirs me on to stay) and been made to feel that I can't be myself or seek support so seeking support always scares me now.

Thank you for your advice. The pushing gets too much.

All I want is to be to figure everything out and just know why or at least have an idea.

I just want to feel better and not have this never ending thing in my head that tells me I'm better off dead :(
 
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MarlieeB

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#15
My friend took me out for a couple of hours which was good but the moment I'm not with someone, the thoughts and feelings come back.
 
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misssadness

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#16
It is just terrible you have been made to feel you cannot seek support. I believe this forum should be for all of us and nobody should have to feel they cannot use it, least of all you, a person who has helped so many people on here. I hope you will continue to use the forum and seek the support you need.

Distraction is a good idea but I know how it feels once you stop and all the thoughts come back into your head. xx
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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#17
Marliee, is it any better today? When you feel stuff like you shouldn't even be here, do you have connecting thoughts/associations? Did someone shame you? These are the roots of the depression which you can pull out so to speak. I hate to think of you going through an endless succession of anti depressants that you can never really rely on for very long. Hugs to you.
 
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MarlieeB

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#19
I can't really talk about it but things happened, trust got totally broken, always waiting for the next thing to happen, always on edge.

My depression and stuff goes way back to my childhood really.

Feeling just as bad, barely slept last night as well. My sleep is really bad at the moment.

:grouphug: for all your lovely messages.
 
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Stray

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#20
I can't really talk about it but things happened, trust got totally broken, always waiting for the next thing to happen, always on edge.

My depression and stuff goes way back to my childhood really.

Feeling just as bad, barely slept last night as well. My sleep is really bad at the moment.

:grouphug: for all your lovely messages.
If that happened on here that's awful, I'm sorry. I hope its been dealt with. I hope you soon hear back from your cc and that you can get a med review too. xx
 

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