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I don't understand why my emotions are so out of control lately?

B

baen002

New member
Joined
May 16, 2020
Messages
1
Location
Germany
First of all, hello! This is my first time posting about my problems in a forum, so I'm really sorry if it's a little convoluted.

Lately I've been feeling like my mental health has been deteriorating, but I don't know why. I mean, it wasn't great to begin with, but everything seems to just be getting worse at once.

During my childhood my parents and my bigger brother used to fight quite a lot. I don't blame either sides, seeing as my parents were pretty stubborn at times (with my dad being an alcoholic on the weekends) and my brother being heavily addicted to hard drugs.
Despite that, the household was pretty quiet. My dad and brother are, all things considered, also doing a lot better now.

Now, my issue is that I've spent a big part of my life not really thinking about the things that have happened. Maybe that was due to the fact we never talked about what went down the previous night, I don't know. But it's starting to resurface now, years later. I never before went into the kitchen and thought "Hey, this is where X happened.", but now I feel like every second time I enter the kitchen it's the first thought in my head. Mind you, all of those things happened about 4-8 years ago now.

But it's not just memories popping up really frequently, it's also that my emotional regulation has been out of control lately. Whereas before I was just kinda floating through life, I now go between idolizing people and hating them within seconds. I wake up feeling great but end my days feeling shittier than the one before. It's not that I felt great before either, my then undiagnosed(now actually diagnosed) ADHD and depression made school life pretty hard and I usually felt pretty bad about myself, but it never was such a emotional rollercoaster like now. I've self harmed before during hard times but I've never had such extreme impulses to just say "F*** it" and drink/self harm/do something problematic to this extend after even minor inconveniences.

It just feels like I'm starting to really realize every bad thing about myself to such a heightened level that I have trouble even enjoying my time with friends for more than 2 hours without immediately crashing really bad afterwards. I've always lingered on the little things, but now I have genuine hour long cries about it and apologize for stupid things as if I've commited a horrible crime against them.

My emotions have just been either too much or too little these past few months and I don't understand why.

Can someone hand me some pointers to why this is happening?
*Also I'm really sorry if this is the wrong place to put this! I couldn't quite figure out which topic this post should go in,,
 
N

Nukelavee

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
3,408
Location
London, ON
I think you need to get a fresh diagnosis. Talk to a doctor, and be open about what you said here.

It sounds like more than ADHD, to me.

don't let yourself indulge in black and white split thinking about people, and don't act, at all, when your temper flares.

I know that sounds simplistic, but that's what it comes down to.

I really don't want to put ideas in your head, but go look up borderline personality disorder.
 
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