- May 30, 2019
Hi all, im new here. Basically besides all the other issues i have with depression, i noticed something that been getting worse and worse over the years. See, the only people i feel love for or excitment around are people im crushing on or romantically involved with? This really hit me recently because i had been pining after someone for like years and only just realized she would never feel that way for me and that i needed to get over this crush. Meanwhile ive had a mutual friend with her in the time ive known her who i realized now i actually dont care much about. I also dont care much about my family like, at all...which is weird because my family is very loving. Also, now that that friend of mine i was interested in is no longer an option, i realized she no longer means much to me even though we have an amazing bond. Why? Basically i dont feel love or affection fo anybody. Im indifferent. I dont see the point to any type of relationships except romantic ones and i dont understand why. I wasnt always this way. Before middle school, i cared alot about my family and having a social life even though i was an introvert. I feel like ive become a sociopath or something. My parents did start drinking after i entered middle school, maybe thats why? And because of some other things that have happened, ive noticed every year, my interest in people is getting smaller and smaller. Literally, anytime im hanging with friends, i dont actually feel like i want to be there. I dont ever really feel like i want to do anything really. And anytime someone tries to have fun with me, i feel indifferent and dont understand the point in socializing at all. It used to fill me with great joy and now it doesnt, unless it has to do with someone im interested in romantically. I guess thats the only thing that gives me meaning in life? How can i learn to care about my friends and family when i feel theres no point to it? Idk why its only when in a romantic setting...maybe because its such an exciting feeling and nothing else compares?