I dont think i love anyone?

M

Missingconnection

Member
Joined
May 30, 2019
Messages
9
Location
USA
#1
Hi all, im new here. Basically besides all the other issues i have with depression, i noticed something that been getting worse and worse over the years. See, the only people i feel love for or excitment around are people im crushing on or romantically involved with? This really hit me recently because i had been pining after someone for like years and only just realized she would never feel that way for me and that i needed to get over this crush. Meanwhile ive had a mutual friend with her in the time ive known her who i realized now i actually dont care much about. I also dont care much about my family like, at all...which is weird because my family is very loving. Also, now that that friend of mine i was interested in is no longer an option, i realized she no longer means much to me even though we have an amazing bond. Why? Basically i dont feel love or affection fo anybody. Im indifferent. I dont see the point to any type of relationships except romantic ones and i dont understand why. I wasnt always this way. Before middle school, i cared alot about my family and having a social life even though i was an introvert. I feel like ive become a sociopath or something. My parents did start drinking after i entered middle school, maybe thats why? And because of some other things that have happened, ive noticed every year, my interest in people is getting smaller and smaller. Literally, anytime im hanging with friends, i dont actually feel like i want to be there. I dont ever really feel like i want to do anything really. And anytime someone tries to have fun with me, i feel indifferent and dont understand the point in socializing at all. It used to fill me with great joy and now it doesnt, unless it has to do with someone im interested in romantically. I guess thats the only thing that gives me meaning in life? How can i learn to care about my friends and family when i feel theres no point to it? Idk why its only when in a romantic setting...maybe because its such an exciting feeling and nothing else compares? :unsure::confused:
 
M

Matt1215

Member
Joined
Apr 11, 2019
Messages
7
Location
England
#2
I know exactly what you mean. The exact same thing happened to me recently. I just feel like I should be happy around them but I just dont feel it.
 
L

Lunar Lady

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 19, 2019
Messages
1,987
Location
UK
#3
I think you've answered your own question admirably - romantic attachments are like strong coffee to the senses - you feel extremes of emotion.

Depression can be numbing - all those subtle nuances of feeling are missing and it can seem like you're experiencing the world from behind a pane of glass. Romantic attachments bring extreme highs and lows which become addictive in themselves - regardless of whether your heart is bursting or breaking, it makes you feel alive.

Might be worth reviewing your depression - you might not have realised that your mood is getting lower and making you feel like withdrawing from social situations. A strong network of friends and supportive family matters more than love affairs - these are the people who keep you grounded and love you unconditionally. Regardless of whether you 'feel it', make the time to appreciate your platonic relationships and connect.

Never hurts to remember the old adage "You need to be a friend to have friends" so turn the attention away from yourself and see if anyone within your circle would benefit from your support right now.

I know this is your second post - but warm welcome to the forum and look forward to seeing you around. :hug: xx
 
M

Missingconnection

Member
Joined
May 30, 2019
Messages
9
Location
USA
#4
I know exactly what you mean. The exact same thing happened to me recently. I just feel like I should be happy around them but I just dont feel it.
God, it sucks right? I feel so empty and like theres something seriously wrong with me. My family and friends love me so much and i just dont feel it back for them. You said its the same thing for you so you only feel connection and excitment around a person who your like crushing on or romantically involved with right? It sucks, i feel like i have nobody at all because i feel like platonic relationships mean nothing at all except ones i could have with my children if i ever had any.
 
M

Missingconnection

Member
Joined
May 30, 2019
Messages
9
Location
USA
#5
I think you've answered your own question admirably - romantic attachments are like strong coffee to the senses - you feel extremes of emotion.

Depression can be numbing - all those subtle nuances of feeling are missing and it can seem like you're experiencing the world from behind a pane of glass. Romantic attachments bring extreme highs and lows which become addictive in themselves - regardless of whether your heart is bursting or breaking, it makes you feel alive.

Might be worth reviewing your depression - you might not have realised that your mood is getting lower and making you feel like withdrawing from social situations. A strong network of friends and supportive family matters more than love affairs - these are the people who keep you grounded and love you unconditionally. Regardless of whether you 'feel it', make the time to appreciate your platonic relationships and connect.

Never hurts to remember the old adage "You need to be a friend to have friends" so turn the attention away from yourself and see if anyone within your circle would benefit from your support right now.

I know this is your second post - but warm welcome to the forum and look forward to seeing you around. :hug: xx
Thank you for your advice, some of that was actually a bit validating so thank you. And thanks for the warm welcome. Ive had alot of existential depression too which has been really hard to break out of which mightve been whats made this so bad over time. Questions ive had like "Whats the point of life?" or "Why does the universe exist at all?" stuff like that.
 
L

Lunar Lady

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 19, 2019
Messages
1,987
Location
UK
#6
Romantic relationships feed your self-esteem...."He thinks I'm beautiful...fascinating...interesting.." so you might crave romantic love as a form of personal validation. Friends and family don't get bowled over by us or throw compliments around ;)

I hate to break out that threadbare phrase - but... (here goes) learn to love yourself :doh: and get secure in your own sense of value...when you're manufacturing your own feel-good factor, you'll be less dependent on love's highs and lows. When you have a real sense of your own value, you don't put up with relationships that aren't worthy of you...or get hooked on people.

You're a smart cookie - you've recognised the pattern for yourself. Just keep an eye on that 'flatlining' feeling and boost your brain chemicals as much as you can with exercise and the right food to release more endorphins. Check-in with your GP and let he/she know that you're feeling disconnected so you can keep an eye on things, rather than plummet.

Wishing you all the best xxx
 

Similar threads