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I don't think I can carry on

U

Unsure123

Member
Joined
Apr 27, 2015
Messages
10
I don't think I want to carry on anymore.
I'm 35, have been depressed before and it has returned with a vengeance.
All I seem to do is spend my time searching for painless ways of commuting suicide.
I'm stressed out at work and don't want the responsibility I have with it, I just don't want to exist anymore.
I have the option of working and having some small quality of life but being miserable all the time.
I don't like myself, I have no confidence, I'm lonely but scared to get close to anyone or trust them.
I just don't see any way out apart from ending it all.
The thought of death doesn't scare me at all but I don't want to cause myself more pain, I don't know what to do.if I go to the hospital and tell them how I feel I will either be put on a mental ward or released with no help.
If I do that I will lose my job and won't be able to pay rent so the best thing is just to end it I think.
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2013
Messages
4,585
Location
On a comet
Hello, it's nice to meet you :) I'm sorry to hear that your feeling this way. This year I tried to end my life on 5 occasions. But i'm soo glad that i didn't succeed. At the time it was impulsive and perhaps being down that caused this for me.

Anyways why not get a sick note/doctors note and give that to your employers?
 
U

Unsure123

Member
Joined
Apr 27, 2015
Messages
10
Because if I do they will find away to get rid of me, they have done it before.
I'm in charge of a large project,I worked really hard to get here and it feels like it's all been for nothing.
I can't be happy, I can try and distract myself but that's only a temporary measure.
I just can't anything or anyone changing the way I feel about myself, this seems to be my default state.
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

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Oct 21, 2013
Messages
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In terms of finance, can't family help you out? I can't relate in some way to what your going through. Before my last 2 attempts to end myself, I was kinda in a tough place in terms of needing mental health help but also needing money/income. But your mental health and your well being is most important of all.
 
C

Christobel

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Joined
Jun 6, 2014
Messages
1,075
Location
South west
I think you'll find that lots of people on this forum have attempted suicide, but a good few, including myself, are glad to have been given a second chance at life. I expect you are taking antidepressants, but perhaps the one you are taking is not right for you?
 
U

Unsure123

Member
Joined
Apr 27, 2015
Messages
10
I don't talk to any of my family, I have a couple of friends but I can't talk to them about this, I have mentioned that I am feeling very low but neither of them has shown any inclination to try and talk to me about it.
I am on anti depressants but I don't think they are helping.
I just feel so tired of everything.
I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

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Oct 21, 2013
Messages
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Location
On a comet
Are you seeing a therapist/mental health worker? it could be an option for you.
 
U

Unsure123

Member
Joined
Apr 27, 2015
Messages
10
I am supposed to b starting counselling but I haven't had anything arranged yet, I'm waiting for a call.
I don't think talking about it is going to help me tho, if I can't change the way I see myself and how I feel about myself talking won't help
 
M

Mikey mike

Member
Joined
May 8, 2015
Messages
12
Hello Unsure123 - I'm sorry to hear that you're in such a sad and lonely place at the moment. Although I have no idea what you must be going through at the moment, I have been in a similar situation myself. I'e made two attempts to commit suicide - one was more of a cry for help - the other had been planned for weeks and was a serious gesture - somehow I managed to survive. That was probably 10 years ago - I haven't tried since then - there are still times that I feel that life is getting too much for me and that it would be better off if I wasn't here, but I am still here and sometimes life is not that bad.

It sounds as though work is a big problem for you at the moment - is that what's making you feel so low? You say that you don't want to give yourself more pain - what do you mean by that? As for suicide, I'm not sure there is a painless way out - if you're not giving pain to yourself then you will be giving pain to those you leave behind - and I'm sure there are people out there who will feel the pain.

It sounds as though you are being very hard on yourself, almost blaming yourself for the situation you're in. I know things may seem completely hopeless at the moment but I'm sure there is a way forward - it might not be an easy route and it may take time, but with the right help and support things can change. You've already taken the first step by posting on here - the people who use this forum are all experiencing problems of one kind or another - it's good to share these things - you're not alone.
 
In the Clouds

In the Clouds

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Joined
Apr 22, 2015
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1,892
Location
England
I am supposed to b starting counselling but I haven't had anything arranged yet, I'm waiting for a call.
I don't think talking about it is going to help me tho, if I can't change the way I see myself and how I feel about myself talking won't help
Perhaps talking won't, but they may be able to give you ideas and exercises to change the way you see yourself. :)
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

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Joined
Oct 21, 2013
Messages
4,585
Location
On a comet
No one is a lost cause. I know for myself I have to keep fighting and keep moving forward. If something or a combination of things don't work, so be it. I will find other combinations until I am comfortable with it.
Please don't give up despite how low and lonely you may feel. Posting on this forum is definitely a big step forward :)
 
L

liafan

New member
Joined
May 6, 2015
Messages
4
Location
beijing
Donot let go, death is totally uncertain. You are far away from that last step.
You want peace? Then just sitting there you will get peace. You are ill, because you have some insufficiency, which only means that you are supposed to gain sth. Instead of giving up.
You said you have tried, you are tired of all these. I say, you have not tried enough. You just have not found the right way. That’s why i am here. You, in charge of having a careful try, i, in charge of giving a good way. Both work are done, peace is around the corner.
 
U

Unsure123

Member
Joined
Apr 27, 2015
Messages
10
I appreciate your words and thank you for trying to help.
I really hope this passes soon
 
U

Unsure123

Member
Joined
Apr 27, 2015
Messages
10
After a week where I thought things might've improving I am back to square one again, I am trying to work up the courage to end it.
I've written my 2 letters and hope I have the nerve to do this soon, thanks for all ur advice and kind words but I'm not strong enough for this
 
C

clarabow

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Joined
Sep 4, 2011
Messages
225
Location
South-East
Hello. I hope you are still here. Please phone a friend or go and see your doctor now, or just keep talking on here. Life is hard, but death is not the answer. I also feeling like giving up, couldn't face going into work today and exhausted by getting through each day. But we are all in this together, and we all need to stick around and support each other. Please please hold on, keep talking. xxx
 
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