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I don't know

dLimp

dLimp

Member
Joined
Mar 14, 2019
Messages
7
Location
Canada
Hello

I feel really hopeless. I have bpd and social phobia and major depressive. I'm 21 and I haven't made any progress in at least 5 years despite trying different treatments. It's only gotten worse. I wasn't able to finish high school because I had so much anxiety. Right now my social life is the most important thing to me. maybe because I've been socially isolated for a long time. It's really difficult for me to make friends. I have a few friends right now, and i'm very grateful. I don't know if I should have friends though. Because i feel like i'm hurting them by being too clingy. I think about them a lot. It's also painful for me when i realise that I might be making them feel bad or that i'm damaging our friendships. I'm scared of losing them but i'm also scared of hurting them emotionally by getting really emotional and saying something impulsively. I've been really unhappy for so long that i'm pretty comfortable with the idea of being dead. i'm not suicidal but I hope I die soon. I started smoking a couple years ago because i knew that it can give you cancer. I know that it's more likely to get much worse illnesses from smoking cigarettes but i don't care anymore. I started drinking a lot too. I know i'd be happier if i were dead, even if there is no afterlife. I haven't made a thread on a forum before because it terrifies me. I'm sorry if I should have posted this in a different subforum. I don't know why I'm posting this but thank you for reading it.
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2015
Messages
9,385
Location
basketville
Hello dLimp sorry that you are having difficulties with friendships. Its tough not having friends. What about maybe doing some voluntary work activity that way you can be around people and gradually that may help your situation.
 
dLimp

dLimp

Member
Joined
Mar 14, 2019
Messages
7
Location
Canada
thank you. i actually applied to volunteer recently. I haven't started yet, but I'll start within a week i think.
 
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