I dont know wtf this is ,,,

nkm14666

nkm14666

New member
Joined
Apr 4, 2019
Messages
2
Location
USA
#1
Hey,
I have gender dysphoria, but that isn't my issue. When I get dysphoric I get urges too selfharm, if I deny these urges I have some sort of breakdown. I will try my best to describe it.

My body, mainly my head, involuntarily thrashes, not a seizure, I cannot control my head but I remain aware of what is around me but barely. I know what I happening but I do not control it, I have to bite myself many times to stop and I will be breathing heavily. It is like I am arguing with myself, I try and regain control by biting but I never win when it comes to these "episodes."

This time it was in the shower. I set the water to frigid and just stood there, I was so cold, but I had no will to change it.

I self harmed. I was singing and smiling while I did this, I was pretending too be happy but I was in so much pain. I didn't want to stop but wasting the water more upset me. When I exited the shower I still had the strong urge to SH.

I have NEVER met anyone who argues with two halves of themselves. Someone whose voices are equal and both are the one you think with. When I jabber and argue my head twists and I bite myself to regain control. I've never met anyone who bit themselves either.

I acted so happy yet I was hurting myself at the same time. I have no idea what this is. Please If anyone has had a similar experience contact me
-N
 
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midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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Mar 9, 2012
Messages
2,941
Location
Milky Way
#2
I don't know what that is but wanted you to not feel alone, so am just leaving you some hugs :grouphug:
 
A

Ambivalence

Active member
Joined
Apr 4, 2019
Messages
39
Location
The Philippines
#3
You might want to try archetype therapy, which you can try for yourself by searching it online on scott jeffrey’s website. It’s where you can imagine visualizations of your different selves arguing, and try to negotitate for them to get along by talking it out. It’s common actually, or else why would everyone have trouble making decisions many times in their lives?

Other than that, I recommend you find other ways to express the gender you feel yourself like to be then. A lot of people in the LGBT community, if not willing to dress entirely differently, focus on small accesories such as using a pink or blue band around your wrist, or something entirely. Even decorating their own items and rooms differently, or switching their writing/speaking stye somewhat can express this more.

If they’re a transman, they can focus on the hairy parts of their body to ease things out, or if they’re a transwoman, focus on those parts of their body that is more curvy or demure. You get the point.

Take care. Don’t be afraid to check out some LGBT sites for more advice too. Take care.
 
A

Ambivalence

Active member
Joined
Apr 4, 2019
Messages
39
Location
The Philippines
#4
Just want to add. What matters the most is what’s inside, and not appearance. That’s true for your sense of gender and not just the usual childhood strories about how ugly people aren’t always mean. I don’t think it’s the body mismatch that makes trans people unhappy, but the lack of support. The strongest feel like their own inner gender not only when others affirm them, but even when they express it to themselves alone.

Believe in your own self. Affirm it. Show self compassion. What do you want to hear? You’ll do great. I promise.
 
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