I don't know why

[Soul]

So, um i'm 22, and i have self harmed on an off since i was 16.Its all that helps at the moment. I've confided in others before and i always say i will stop but i always relapse back.I just feel so numb all the time, and it helps me deal with all the pain i feel.I confided in my mother and she screamed at me calling me a monster, saying my scars were ugy telling me that others had it harder then me.She threatned to tell everyone we knew, to force me to go talk to a therapist.

I was 16.

Now i live away from home and i just feel pathetic all the time, i have panic attacks that only stop once i have harmed myself.I can't bring myself to confide in anyone face to face, because when i have they just say people have it worse, or to just stop being so sensitive.

Why is there something so wrong with me that i can't just be like everyone else.

i don't know why i joined this forum, maybe i just wanted to vent, to talk to people who may feel the same, without the guilt of making those around me disgusted by me.

i'm not asking for anyone to give me all the answers, but i hope i won't be judged.thank you

 

[bpd2020]

Hello Soul and welcome to the forum. I am so sorry you are hurting. Your mums reaction shows a total lack of understanding. You say people have told you that you are too sensitive or people have it worse. They are wrong. You are not too sensitive. You are in a lot of pain and you hurt yourself as you do not know what else to do. I am sorry you have struggled for so long. Often vocalising the pain can help lessen the self harm as we do not have to keep the pain inside.

I am sad you feel you are pathetic. You are not pathetic in any way. You sound like you would really benefit from talking to your doctor. Maybe an antianxiety medication can take the edge of and reduce your panic attacks. With talking therapy you can make sense of your pain and I think that will help you a lot.

 

[Am33]

Its not your fault this world has a big cloud of negative energy from all the wars , murders , all the horrible things that have happened . Now this energy is very strong if you have traumas , painful things happen to you it opens you up to the energy which no one can resist at a certain point . We all heard of the mob mentality that takes over and people do things they wouldn't normally do. So now this energy pulls on people to harm themselves , commit murders etc..Now to protect ourselves from this neg energy we have to use positive energy you can find on the web for women. Many people use Archangel Michael's degree or Mother Mary's they are very strong .

 

[Rex Smith]

Your mother is a bitch. Parents contributes greatly to who you are, the whole screaming at you wasn't mentally healthy. If you lived in the typical normal environment you would be like everyone else. Reprogramming your brain is extremely complex and challenging.
With the use of several different treatments and medications could help but don't get frustrated because there's shit ton of people that's in the same boat.

 

[TheSadnessWillLastForever]

You won't be judged here, you'll find people who are struggling and looking for help just like you. I want to tell you that your feelings are valid, it doesn't matter if people have it worse than you, pain is relative. Vent here whenever you need to, I hope it helps