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I don't know who i am

A

Anna03

Active member
Joined
May 7, 2021
Messages
37
Location
Scotland
I have been reading posts about BPD and BIPOLAR. Whilst they are v worthwhile posts, I am left confused. I don't know whether I am coming or going. I have an online meeting with a weight mngt team tomorrow and one from occupational health on Wednesday. I know I am going to be baraged with questions. I also have a meeting, over phone, with a CPN on 8th June to see if she thinks she can "help me". The problem is folks I don't know who the hell I am and what I suffer from apart from my multitude of diagnosis. Two weeks ago I was SH ing
every day. Last week I spent sterilising and dressing my wounds. This doesn't make sense. To SH then to administer aid.
I have steady relationships with my husband and children even though they can see I'm struggling. The rest of my rltships don't really matter. My first post on here spoke about who I was. It was only a matter of weeks ago but that person doesn't seem real any longer. I need to go back to work as I lie under the covers all day. Who do I speak to to satisfy my sense of self? Do I need to take a questionnaire every time I meet a professional to examine my diagnosis?
I am very good as coming across, particularly on the phone, as a well-balanced, educated woman. Whereas, face to face, my body language says it all. I am a master of disguise and I feel this will stop me getting the help I need. Sorry for the long, rambling message...
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Nov 10, 2019
Messages
9,881
Location
England
I think it is hard to diagnose ourselves because both BPD and Bipolar cover normal problems, but it is at the extreme when they become a diagnosis.

If symptoms prevent you going to work
If they cause you to not be able to function
or if you are feeling suicidal

I think that is when it is urgent

For me, the years leading up to my diagnosis i had fluctuating everything! It was a confusing time, really up and down. Eventually i became seriously depressed and took medication. Sometimes the psychiatrist uses your reaction to medication to determine the possible diagnosis.

Most of the time the psychiatrist will treat your symptoms and a diagnosis is not written in stone for over a year. They can change over time too.

If you think of certain problems you have right now:
insomnia
anxiety
restless
agitated
irritable
hot or cold
achy
tired
over or under eating
feeling sick
headaches

these are what you could focus on
 
2

2Much2Feel

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
1,540
Location
US
I have been reading posts about BPD and BIPOLAR. Whilst they are v worthwhile posts, I am left confused. I don't know whether I am coming or going. I have an online meeting with a weight mngt team tomorrow and one from occupational health on Wednesday. I know I am going to be baraged with questions. I also have a meeting, over phone, with a CPN on 8th June to see if she thinks she can "help me". The problem is folks I don't know who the hell I am and what I suffer from apart from my multitude of diagnosis. Two weeks ago I was SH ing
every day. Last week I spent sterilising and dressing my wounds. This doesn't make sense. To SH then to administer aid.
I have steady relationships with my husband and children even though they can see I'm struggling. The rest of my rltships don't really matter. My first post on here spoke about who I was. It was only a matter of weeks ago but that person doesn't seem real any longer. I need to go back to work as I lie under the covers all day. Who do I speak to to satisfy my sense of self? Do I need to take a questionnaire every time I meet a professional to examine my diagnosis?
I am very good as coming across, particularly on the phone, as a well-balanced, educated woman. Whereas, face to face, my body language says it all. I am a master of disguise and I feel this will stop me getting the help I need. Sorry for the long, rambling message...
Yeah, I have both BPD and bipolar diagnoses, think BPD fits me the most but they can overlap, as can a lot of them. I know w BPD there can be confusion about sense of self, I def have always had that. Never know what I want or who I am or what decisions to make. Re healing your SH wounds, it makes total sense. That calm that comes after and the shame we feel, we act completely differently than in that moment we are intense and SH. This is why we know we can take a step back and not do the SH, we are capable of another mindset and our feelings at the moment are temporary. I really hope you're doing better. It is great that you have family support. I was able to be married and carry on for 20 years until I blew it. I miss it a lot, but also not. But support is important.

The key is finding a good psychiatrist and therapist, which isn't easy sometimes. But just like w meds, we have to keep trying until we find the right fit, then we can get help to get through these hard times. SH can become a habit really quickly, and I feel for you. Please try to be kinder to yourself, look into some DBT skills or DBT therapist who can help you so you don't resort to the when feeling that way.
 
A

Anna03

Active member
Joined
May 7, 2021
Messages
37
Location
Scotland
I think it is hard to diagnose ourselves because both BPD and Bipolar cover normal problems, but it is at the extreme when they become a diagnosis.

If symptoms prevent you going to work
If they cause you to not be able to function
or if you are feeling suicidal

I think that is when it is urgent

For me, the years leading up to my diagnosis i had fluctuating everything! It was a confusing time, really up and down. Eventually i became seriously depressed and took medication. Sometimes the psychiatrist uses your reaction to medication to determine the possible diagnosis.

Most of the time the psychiatrist will treat your symptoms and a diagnosis is not written in stone for over a year. They can change over time too.

If you think of certain problems you have right now:
insomnia
anxiety
restless
agitated
irritable
hot or cold
achy
tired
over or under eating
feeling sick
headaches

these are what you could focus on
I have been diagnosed witj Bopolar and BPD.Previously diagnosed with CPTSD, Depression and anxiety. I agree with all these but I am experiencing many fleeting and overwhelming symptoms that i don't know if I am coming or going. Thanks so much for your reply.
 
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