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I don't know who I am anymore

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brooklyn99

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Joined
Dec 6, 2021
Messages
14
Location
Halifax
I feel like I've lost it. I just had an argument with my partner and I'm realizing that I've somehow completely lost myself. Before we started dating, I worked my ass off at everything. I was passionate about what I do. And now, it's like my brain will only let my energy pour into anger and control. I don't know who I am anymore. What do I do?
 
1alternative

1alternative

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Jan 3, 2022
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60
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Los Angeles
Something is on your mind then, it could be one big thing that is in the back of your mind or lots of little things that has built up.
People need structure and goals in life, do you have that?
 
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brooklyn99

Member
Joined
Dec 6, 2021
Messages
14
Location
Halifax
@1alternative I'm trying to put energy into more areas of my life, and it does seem to distract a bit from my mental health issues that would otherwise take over me and give me a bit more sense of myself back. I think I become someone else in relationships and I don't like that person.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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Mar 31, 2015
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3,147
Location
Australia
And now, it's like my brain will only let my energy pour into anger and control. I don't know who I am anymore.
From this, do you often feel like you only have the mental energy to feel anger and the need to control things?

Do you feel angry in general or angry at your partner? Do you feel fearful that he might leave you? Do you feel insecure or jealous and feel the need to control him, or to try to control your life in general?

Do you blame him for you losing yourself in the relationship?

Sorry for the 500 questions!
 
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brooklyn99

Member
Joined
Dec 6, 2021
Messages
14
Location
Halifax
@stevie_sloth I find it hard to have energy to do things I normally would because I have a need to control the relationship. Maybe I'm subconsciously fearful he will leave, but most often it's needing to control what happens in the relationship. Like if he does something that upsets me, I get angry and lose trust and he becomes the enemy, and I have to find a way to forgive him. That's really hard. I'm constantly scared of getting hurt. And I blame myself for feeling this way because outside of relationships, this is not who I am.
 
Thekwitha

Thekwitha

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Joined
Jan 15, 2022
Messages
67
Location
Narnia
Something like this felt close to heart. I'm still struggling with knowing who myself was before this storm. And the office environment is not helping. many friend said they are killing my character by abusing me verbally in the office.. I don't feel like myself anymore since then...
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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Mar 31, 2015
Messages
3,147
Location
Australia
@stevie_sloth I find it hard to have energy to do things I normally would because I have a need to control the relationship. Maybe I'm subconsciously fearful he will leave, but most often it's needing to control what happens in the relationship. Like if he does something that upsets me, I get angry and lose trust and he becomes the enemy, and I have to find a way to forgive him. That's really hard. I'm constantly scared of getting hurt. And I blame myself for feeling this way because outside of relationships, this is not who I am.
I hear ya. Outside of relationships, I'm stable too. Not generally insecure or caring what people think. My "Attachment Type" is secure or sometimes avoidant.

IN relationships, or with my Favourite Person, I am constantly insecure, I always wonder if they REALLY like me, and I just expect them to be talking about me behind my back and planning to abandon or hurt me. My "Attachment Type" is insecure.

It certainly does use up a lot of energy constantly fearing and being anxious about being left or hurt, and then trying to prevent that from happening by controlling everything, when deep down we know we can't control this stuff, which then makes us angry...
 
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