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I don't know what's wrong

M

Milzy8

New member
Joined
Mar 25, 2016
Messages
1
Hi guys, I'm new here and I don't really know how to work this so I hope I'm doing it right..
So for the last few months, from October-till now I've felt the lowest I have ever felt in my life. I don't get enjoyment out of anything, I'm constantly crying and I feel like I have no purpose in anything. I've been googling the symptoms of depression and all of them match up which has made me cry even more. Thing is I feel like I don't have anything to be depressed about, it says there's often a trigger which makes you feel like this but I haven't had anything go drastically wrong. I'm 20 years old at university studying primary teaching and although it is stressful I feel like that's wrong because everyone else on my course is in the same boat. I have a loving boyfriend and family so it's not like I don't have support. But I just don't feel happy anymore and that saddens me so much because I don't know who to talk to about it, I can't admit it to family because they're so proud of everything I've achieved and I don't want to feel like I've let them down. I can't open up to my boyfriend because I'm scared it's going to be a lot for him to deal with. I just want to feel happy again. I used to be such a party animal and drink all the time and have fun, and now I don't get any enjoyment out of that or socialising with my friends.
I know the response will probably be to go and see the doctor but I'm scared. I'm only self-diagnosing myself, I don't know whether I'm overreacting.. And if I'm not.. I don't want it to be true.
 
skinnyamerikano

skinnyamerikano

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 25, 2016
Messages
172
Location
Leeds, UK
Hey Milzy, welcome to the forum.

Sorry to hear you're going thru such a difficult time, it's really hard when the things in life that used to give you pleasure just don't anymore, especially when you feel unable to share how you feel with anyone.

I think it's important to understand that depression is a condition that can affect anyone, not matter their circumstances. Someone can have what appears, even to them, to be a good life, and still be hit hard by these kind of emotions.

It sounds like this is your first experience of these kind of feelings, and I think it can be difficult sometimes to understand where these emotions are coming from, but maybe by learning more about yourself you may be able to understand it better. I wouldn't suggest going to the doctor right away, maybe try reading about others experience here on the forum and there are many really helpful books available that might give you some idea of what you're going thru and why, and that might be able to help you feel better and find some of that happiness that you've lost.

Lastly, I know it's scary but it really can be helpful to share with someone how you're feeling. Often when thoughts are trapped in my head, they seem so massive and abstract. But when I open up and talk about them with other people, it helps me realise that they are manageable. It doesn't make the problems go away, but it can help me feel less overwhelmed, and often I am surprised by the empathy I receive from others.

If you don't feel comfortable talking to your bf or family, you could maybe see if your university offers a counselling service?

Hope things get better for you.
 
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