i dont know whats wrong with me

[yodamon_dhs]

I have ADD, I was made fun of in school for being fat and generally avoided people whenever I could. After I graduated high school I began to experiment with drugs, but would do it in excess. while I was on some of these drugs I would experience hallucinations outside of what you normally see (on acid I would hear voices. one time while I was high I heard voices and saw a ghost of my mother walking around my kitchen) after a few months of doing excess drugs daily I managed to quit and I've been sober from everything for about 8 months. since then I began to become paranoid and would think that everyone is looking at me and talking bad things about me all day. I got a fearFears and phobias of talking to people in groups. I began talking to myself in my in which I talk to myself as if I was a different person which causes headaches but I dont have any control over it. I am depressed and have anxiety attacks weekly. I will ignore my parents and refuse to talk to them for no reason at all. I began to lose weight fast after I quit doing drugs and I couldnt find any reason for the weight loss. I had relationship problems because of the fear that they dont care about me. I came to terms with the fact that I am also a compulsive liar which also got in the way of one of my relationships. I told her that my parents beat me as a child. i moved out of my pairents house into a apartment i can't afford because i have a obsdession with the girl who lives there although i know she has no intrest in me whatsoever... i have a strange obsession with knowing EVERYTHING, i take my roomates cell phone while she is asleap to look at her text messages partly because i feel as if she is skeming against me and partly because i must know every little thing that is going on in her life... i feel some kind of obsession for knowledge of any kind feeling as if no one should be allowed to be smarter then me... lately I've been having delusions of grander. I've been drawing and writing stories for a long time now and lately I feel as if I'm a artistic genus and I have been "chosen" to write like Shakespeare even if I know this to be a falsity. ever since I've had the delusions of grander I also seem to be psychotic in the eyes of the people around me. I will talk about death because that kind of thing interests me but everyone around me thinks that im psycho and typically avoid me. lately ive also been thinking that im more attractive then I am when around people but when im by myself I think im ugly. there are many other things but it would take a whole book to fill up everything (most of which i am not saying because im ashamed of) but i hope the information i provided will be enough to draw some kind of conclusions...

 

[*Sapphire*]

Hi yodaman_dhs

And to the forum!

I'm sorry to hear you are having a tough time at the moment. Unfortunately no one here can diagnose, but we can offer some support and experience to you.

Are you seeing a psychiatrist or under the care of the mental health team at the moment?

If not I would suggest you make an appointment with your doctor and see if you can get a referral, and perhaps they will be able to shed some light on your symptoms.

If you can, I would be as honest as you can, as you have been on here. If you feel you may have a compulsion to lie again, it might be worth printing the post you wrote, off here, and giving it to them.

We have various forums on here that may be of some use to you, if you feel you have Obsessional behaviors there is an OCD forum, reading through some of the threads on there may be of some help.

There has also been a thread about lieing before, which might help, the link is this:

http://www.mentalhealthforum.net/forum/showthread.php?t=4602

Different parts of the symptoms you describe are also mentioned in other forums, so it may help to have a good look through previous threads and other forums. Perhaps others on here are more familiar with threads that might have experiences similar to what you describe, and send you the links to them.

I hope you find looking through this site is of some help to you

 

[ms_P]

Hi Yodamon_dhs, and welcome!

I have ADD also. You're not alone. Keep posting!