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I don't know whats wrong with me

Z

Zane33

New member
Joined
Mar 28, 2019
Messages
2
Location
Oklahoma, USA
I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I sabotage myself constantly and I don't know how to stop myself. I see the behavior coming from a mile away, but still I do it. I try and stop myself, try to 'reason' with myself, but I can't stop myself. I'm unemployed because I quit my job for no reason, I only put in applications to a couple places and never even attempted to follow up yet. I was clean of cannabis in my system until I smoked a couple of days ago so now I can't pass a drug test. I see all of these behaviors that i want so bad to change but I just feel powerless to. I feel trapped in my own body, trapped in a cycle that I hate and want to break but I just can't. I can't seek "professional help" because I don't have insurance or a job, and when I came forward once about my depression and how suicidal and miserable I was, I was put into a mental institution. I just feel trapped, I feel stuck, and I feel like I'm fighting myself daily and losing daily. If anyone has any advice, please tell me, I'm open to suggestions.
 
M

missme

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 28, 2019
Messages
287
Location
NZ
Hi. I've been there!! One thing to remember is one baby step at a time! The first great thing that you have done, is acknowledged the feelings that you have. You admit there is something to fix. That's the first step. Acceptance, once one accepts, even though it is not a very nice place to be, one can look for strategies to try and make things a bit better. It does happen! I'm living proof.
I used to call it stinking thinking. When I was down on myself, criticising my self I had to realise I was only hurting myself. I had to stop the negative thoughts as soon as they would come by asking...... Is this thought helping me? Or harming me? There is a root cause to the way you are feeling. Recovery is like an onion, one must peel away one layer at a time. I'm happy to listen and share what helped me get well.
 
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