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I dont know whats wrong with me

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gtrif1

New member
Joined
Oct 17, 2018
Messages
3
Hi,

i have been trying to independently deal with issues but my brain cannot figure anything out and just causes more questions to ask myself. i have come here to open up (for the first time) and hopefully some advice from people who understand.

so my history is in 2016 i was diagnosed with depression, it has come a long way since then and a lot of symptoms and medication have stopped, i learnt to deal with issues.

however i go through days and phases of just pure downness and i just isolate myself. some days will be fine and i distract myself away from these feelings. then times come and it can be 1 day or a week constant where i feel like i have before, old issues suddenly come to the front of my mind and i just want to push everyone away and isolate myself. i feel stress so easily with both university and work, becoming angry and snappy at the littlest things when all i want is to be alone, making me feel like a horrible person and this putting real strain on my relationship. i feel i cannot share with anyone my feelings, even my closest friends i just cant seem comfortable opening up (hence i found this website). with my inability to share my GF does not know about my problems, i cant help but feel awful when i feel overwhelmed with things and she hates that i am anti social and do not feel comfortable with social interaction as she is the complete opposite and it feels like the whole thing is wrong. tiredness seems to takes its toll as i just feel lethargic and a lack of motivation to do anything that will be able to help me.

i have read other discussion sites and having read all the serious issues and illnesses people have been through it makes me feel fraudulent that people are so much worse than i am and so positive, it makes me question myself and what is actually wrong with me.

thank you for bearing with me, if anyone has any advice on coping i would love to hear it.
 
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Desmond

Guest
Hi gtrif1

My brain also tries hard to work things out. It is currently trying very hard to figure out the answer to a problem that really doesn't have a viable solution. Every day when I see something or think something about this problem my brain is like a race car that drives on this race track over and over again. The race track represents the thoughts my brain has when it tries to figure out the solution to this problem. I've been down this racing circuit many, many times and I never get a solution that I can use. I just end up wasting time, feeling worn out and worse than before.

I am seeing a psychologist and over time I have learned to open up to her and share my innermost thoughts with her. Just the other day I shared with her these thoughts I keep having over and over and we came up with the race track analogy. Her advice to me was to distract myself when I start down the race track because we already know I am not going to get to a solution - I'm just going to get to the start of the track again and then start the circuit all over.

It felt good to be able to offload it to her as I would never tell anyone in my life what my thoughts are really doing... So now I just have to try to see if I can guide my mind away from the race track. I'm supposed to notice when it goes there and tell myself 'I'm on the race track again...' and then find something better to do. Something more pleasurable, I guess.

I don't know if you can take anything away from this but when I saw what you'd written it just reminded me of what I do when I start thinking of my problems.

Hope you're doing well.
 
D

Desmond

Guest
Well I have to say it really hurts when you reach out to someone online and try to make them feel better and they just totally ignore you! I can't say I'm all that surprised... It happens to me all the time on facebook. All I can say is if someone replies to you and tries to help you, the very least you could do is say thanks, if nothing else. Otherwise you just leave them feeling like shit too. It's kind of selfish actually.

I honestly don't know why I even bother trying anymore. Everyone these days is so rude.
 
mischief

mischief

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
Joined
Dec 9, 2007
Messages
12,064
Location
The World
Hi DefiantPanda

Sometimes it is really difficult on forums such as ours. Some people come and go, they post a message and might not be back for a while, sometimes not at all. Some others of us have been here a long while.....So, just on behalf of the forum, I would like to say thanks for reaching out to this member.

Your post was really interesting to read and I certainly took some useful information out of it. A huge thanks for posting it. It sounds as if you've made huge progress in dealing with your depression. What has been most helpful in working with the psychologist? How did you access one?
 
M

Mommadora

Member
Joined
Oct 19, 2018
Messages
22
I go through the same thing. I'm starting to think sometimes there isn't anything to work out. Over all, yes. But some of it is just the way the brain is wired. We work to rewire it but it takes time to create new pathways.

Now when I feel bad I try to just go with it and accept it and not make it worse by feeling bad about feeling bad. Then it's just the one layer instead of complicating it. Believe me, I don't always succeed! But it makes the lows a little less terrible.
 
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