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I don't know what's up with me

M

Moxxi

New member
Joined
Jan 31, 2015
Messages
1
I was diagnosed with anxiety/panic attacks about a year ago but I feel like there's something else that's wrong with me. I've seen councillors since I was 15 and have always felt they've never really taken me seriously, my best friend committed suicide two years ago and all they told me was to get rid of his stuff and get over it. I'm 19 now and still aren't getting the help I need from them. I've had these problems since I was young and I've never been able to control my emotions, they change all the time. I could be happy one moment, angry the next then upset for no reason at all, this could happen every hour or few hours. This has caused a lot of problems for me at home as I don't mean to lose my temper it just happens. I've also had suicidal thoughts and have self harmed before. The self harming was mainly if I couldn't cope with my feelings of anxiety or sadness but it could also happen totally out of the blue, that I'd get this urge to harm myself. I feel I'm also quite needy as I can't leave the house on my own and always need to have someone with me if I want to go to the shop or to get to college, I feel as if I'm still a child but at the same time that could change the next day and I wouldn't want to be near anyone.It's like a go away/please don't leave me sorta thing. There's no in-between with me either, I either hate someone or I like them. I no longer eat the food my mum makes me as there was a stage where I thought she was trying to poison me. There's no changing my mind. I sometimes also have brief periods where I feel like my surroundings aren't real, like I'm not actually in the real world. I just want someone to actually listen to me and help, does anyone feel the same?
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
Hi Moxxi and welcome to the forum.

It sounds as though you're having a really rough time. As many here know, anxiety can be completely crushing and isolating.

I'm so sorry to hear about your best friend and even sorrier that you were told to just get over it. That's shocking. Do you feel that you were able to grieve for him properly? Have your problems been worse since?

If you're self-harming and having suicidal thoughts, you really should seek further help. Are you seeing a counsellor at the moment? Would you be able to go to your GP and explain that you need more support?

Take care.
 
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