
j_lol
Well-known member
Founding Member
- Joined
- May 31, 2008
- Messages
- 108
I have had a bad week, after doing really really well for a few months I went tumbling down from last weekend onwards untill I found myself almost back to square one this weekend.
I split with my boyfriend once a few months ago as I have spoken about elsewhere on the forum. It was not that we didn't love each other it was because my problems were worse for worrying about how they were impacting on him. We soon realised that we love each other and could not live without each other, we got back together but decided not to live together anymore. All was going well but this weekend he asked me if I thought he still contributed to my problems, the only answer I could give was yes. I worry so much for his needs and feel so bad for how my problems affect him that I do end up making myself worse.
The difficult thing is that he is also part of the solution. He is a saint and he looks after me incredibly well. We talked about this and came to the mutual, very difficult decision that it had to end and there is no going back this time. He said all he wants is for me to be happy and is desperate for me not to give up. I know we have done the right thing cos I have to look after myself but I am hurting and I am scared. The last few days my bad bad thoughts have been returning and now I can't control them anymore. I don't know whats happening to me. I used to describe it to my partner as a feeling that I wanted to peel my skin off just to get out of my own body and run away from it. I have been managing this all with CBT but I am not managing. should I give in and accept meds?
I don't know what to do or how to feel, this depression has stripped me of every good thing in my life and I hate it.
I split with my boyfriend once a few months ago as I have spoken about elsewhere on the forum. It was not that we didn't love each other it was because my problems were worse for worrying about how they were impacting on him. We soon realised that we love each other and could not live without each other, we got back together but decided not to live together anymore. All was going well but this weekend he asked me if I thought he still contributed to my problems, the only answer I could give was yes. I worry so much for his needs and feel so bad for how my problems affect him that I do end up making myself worse.
The difficult thing is that he is also part of the solution. He is a saint and he looks after me incredibly well. We talked about this and came to the mutual, very difficult decision that it had to end and there is no going back this time. He said all he wants is for me to be happy and is desperate for me not to give up. I know we have done the right thing cos I have to look after myself but I am hurting and I am scared. The last few days my bad bad thoughts have been returning and now I can't control them anymore. I don't know whats happening to me. I used to describe it to my partner as a feeling that I wanted to peel my skin off just to get out of my own body and run away from it. I have been managing this all with CBT but I am not managing. should I give in and accept meds?
I don't know what to do or how to feel, this depression has stripped me of every good thing in my life and I hate it.