I don't know whats going on

[j_lol]

I have had a bad week, after doing really really well for a few months I went tumbling down from last weekend onwards untill I found myself almost back to square one this weekend.

I split with my boyfriend once a few months ago as I have spoken about elsewhere on the forum. It was not that we didn't love each other it was because my problems were worse for worrying about how they were impacting on him. We soon realised that we love each other and could not live without each other, we got back together but decided not to live together anymore. All was going well but this weekend he asked me if I thought he still contributed to my problems, the only answer I could give was yes. I worry so much for his needs and feel so bad for how my problems affect him that I do end up making myself worse.

The difficult thing is that he is also part of the solution. He is a saint and he looks after me incredibly well. We talked about this and came to the mutual, very difficult decision that it had to end and there is no going back this time. He said all he wants is for me to be happy and is desperate for me not to give up. I know we have done the right thing cos I have to look after myself but I am hurting and I am scared. The last few days my bad bad thoughts have been returning and now I can't control them anymore. I don't know whats happening to me. I used to describe it to my partner as a feeling that I wanted to peel my skin off just to get out of my own body and run away from it. I have been managing this all with CBT but I am not managing. should I give in and accept meds?

I don't know what to do or how to feel, this depression has stripped me of every good thing in my life and I hate it.

 

[Apotheosis]

My opinion - is to go with your own intuition & understanding. What do you enjoy? What would help you? Hope that helps, I know it's not much.

 

[j_lol]

just knowing someone is there helps.

 

[j_lol]

The worst thing was that as he was leaving the last thing he did was ask me to promise him I would not give up, he kept saying it over and over. I realised that I could not make that promise - I told him that and watched his heart break when I said it. It was the first time I really realised that I am not in control of all this at the moment.

 

[fharper6]

I have had a bad week, after doing really really well for a few months I went tumbling down from last weekend onwards untill I found myself almost back to square one this weekend.

I split with my boyfriend once a few months ago as I have spoken about elsewhere on the forum. It was not that we didn't love each other it was because my problems were worse for worrying about how they were impacting on him. We soon realised that we love each other and could not live without each other, we got back together but decided not to live together anymore. All was going well but this weekend he asked me if I thought he still contributed to my problems, the only answer I could give was yes. I worry so much for his needs and feel so bad for how my problems affect him that I do end up making myself worse.

The difficult thing is that he is also part of the solution. He is a saint and he looks after me incredibly well. We talked about this and came to the mutual, very difficult decision that it had to end and there is no going back this time. He said all he wants is for me to be happy and is desperate for me not to give up. I know we have done the right thing cos I have to look after myself but I am hurting and I am scared. The last few days my bad bad thoughts have been returning and now I can't control them anymore. I don't know whats happening to me. I used to describe it to my partner as a feeling that I wanted to peel my skin off just to get out of my own body and run away from it. I have been managing this all with CBT but I am not managing. should I give in and accept meds?

I don't know what to do or how to feel, this depression has stripped me of every good thing in my life and I hate it.

Everybody is different, but if I were you, with the symptoms you are having, I would go see a doctor. I would not be here without meds as I am suicidal without them. You probably need professional help. The forum is great for sharing experiences, but it won't solve the problem. Hope you feel better.

 

[Dollit]

Meds can help enormously and you can just take them short term to help you if you wish. You don't sign anything that makes you stay on them for life. At the moment you're vulnerable and there's a big gap in your life. You've both made a difficult and brave decision and that decision is bound to have an impact on your life. PM me if you want to - and do what is best for you in the long run.

 

[j_lol]

Thanks all of you.

I have managed to peel myself out of bed this morning and am just about to leave to go to work. I am proud that I got up, small victories like that mean the world to me at the moment. I am hugely lacking in motivation and just want to curl into a ball and disappear but I know that the reason I am no longer in a relationship with a man who still loves me is so I can get better so that is what I have to try and do. I don't want to waste it.

seeing my psych tommorrow so will have the chance to talk it through with him.
Thanks again x