I don't know what's going on anymore

K

Kev3328

Member
Joined
Feb 11, 2019
Messages
7
Location
Connecticut
#1
I have been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. I used to be prescribed Zoloft and Xanax for 10 years. I was in control of life and my anxiety was under control as well as my depression. I had a great job. I was married. I had a family, my own place. Everything was great.

About 3 years ago my wife started cheating on me. I desperately wanted to still keep her. I loved her still but despite my attempts to keep her, she still left me. I was devastated. First I lost my apartment or our apartment, then next I gave up my job.

Things were deteriorating quickly. I cashed out of my job and took my money. At this point I was still mentally well seeing my psychologist and here is where things went downhill. He retired and from there I was unable to get therapy or medication anymore. It's been all downhill from there.

Today I woke up after barely sleeping and I was supposed to start a new job. I couldn't go because I started having an intense panic attack and I feel like almost out of touch with my body and perhaps I am going insane. The thoughts are so intense that I am now drinking to numb my mind. I have intense fears of losing control but today I feel like I finally have. I now live in my mother's house and depend on her but I have always had a phobia of driving and I just don't know what to do anymore. I basically have given up on life.

Have I finally gone insane
 
albie

albie

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 22, 2013
Messages
156
#2
Ain't life great? Nope. Most people just go through their day happy and thoughtless...well, thinking about their fave tv soaps. While we suck up darkness with a straw. Hang in there. See a doctor. Take the pills. There really isn't anything else you can do.
 
J

Jules5

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2019
Messages
415
Location
Florida
#3
Wow you have had some serious setbacks!!! Environmental-losing your apartment. Relationship that is a hard one. The job Wow. The Doctor O my gosh---Do Not lose it These things will pass over some time maybe lots of time.

I think this is why people are all for legalizing Pot. We all need some relief somehow someway-just not going insane while waiting for it to happen-relief.

I have been waiting a long time to feel safe secure and functional.
I stopped drinking as I am a alcoholic drinker for 7 years just started back. I always said at the AA meetings I would rather drink than have a broken heart-that is the worst pain.

I feel so bad this happened to you. YOU WILL SURVIVE PROMISE!!!!!
 
K

Kev3328

Member
Joined
Feb 11, 2019
Messages
7
Location
Connecticut
#4
I appreciate the responses here guys. I don't know if it's just the amount of time I spend alone or the fact that I spend too much time looking up if I'm nuts. I know the mind is a powerful entity and perhaps I'm just feeding it .. I have so many irrational thoughts these days and lately I feel like life is happening outside of my body like I'm watching a movie about my life. It's a very weird and troubling thing to me. I don't want to feel this way but I feel quite powerless
 
J

Jules5

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2019
Messages
415
Location
Florida
#5
Awh... Jump up and down a few times today just for the heck of it. Get some fresh blood moving through your body. You are going to be okay as you reached our and revealed how your life is going right now. It is definitely not hopeless and you are not helpless.
I am not sure what gets you excited. Me well I love to camp outside have a fire and just sit around with good friends. I use to have a ice skating lake with a fire barrel and that was so nice. I did not know anyone-just my self.
 
K

Kev3328

Member
Joined
Feb 11, 2019
Messages
7
Location
Connecticut
#6
I guess the way I feel is generally like maybe I won't do what's needed to get out of my head. I've almost reached a point where I don't really look forward to anything. I know that sounds disturbing but it's the way I feel
 
Victorianna

Victorianna

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 8, 2019
Messages
438
Location
California, USA
#7
Have you had any luck finding a new doctor? I know you said your insurance is not great, and there are long wait times, but are you at least on the list for an appointment? Since you were helped by medicine before, it seems likely that it may help again - you just need to get to it.
 
J

Jules5

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2019
Messages
415
Location
Florida
#8
I agree with the wait to get new medications. I would be el Loco Toro (crazy bull) with out my meds.

You will recover Promise. just may take awhile due to your setbacks. Please hang in there. I am.

I have had some horrible things happen in my life but time seems to have away of erasing them. Not to say I found fulfillment just Hanging in there. I do see some positive things in my life like my dogs, child, nutty roommate. I get sad because they are so happy go lucky and I feel I am dragging them down.

You would not think that if you saw are family dynamics. They just ignore my bad moods and depression, but they do make sure i eat right and get out a few times a month.
That's a bit of my story. Please hang in there Please.......