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I don't know what to do anymore

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Evni S

New member
Joined
Nov 23, 2019
Messages
1
Location
minnesota
I'm in my 30s and married. I got married young and thought I was lucky because I always figured I'd be alone. But I met someone who I thought loved me for some reason. It turns out he was just looking for a doormat and found one.
He has his own issues and was afraid that no one would think he was good enough. So he married me because he knew that I would accept him no matter what and not require much. I did love him unconditionally, and for the last 14 years I have allowed him to walk all over me. Now I find my self completely alone. My husband runs around behind my back and enjoys his life hanging out with friends and other women, while I sit at home waiting for him. I don't have a single person in my life that I can talk to outside of family, and some days I just sit a chair and do nothing. I have severe anxiety, mild depression, and OCD that affects nearly everything I do. I can't drive and I can barely make a purchase from a store by my self. So I'm almost completely trapped in my home.

I struggle trying to talk to people and to make it worse my husband puts me down to people. So every time I meet someone new, I wonder if they have already been primed to dislike me. I already come across as weird to people so thinking that they have heard him put me down makes it harder. Also, I don't know how to look at people in the face. I end up looking back and forth between their eyes and then I panic and freeze up because I know that I must seem like a freak to them. So I try not to look at them but that obviously doesn't help. I'm just a loser. I need just one person in my life that I can talk to but I have no idea how to do that. How do I talk to people? How do I look at people in the face? How do I not be such a freak? Why does it seem like having friends is so easy for others but it's so hard for me? I'm just so ready to give up. I've tried, it's never worked. I am so completely isolated that I feel like I can't breathe.
 
calypso

calypso

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
Joined
Jan 5, 2011
Messages
44,649
Location
Lancashire
It sounds like you are a "battered" woman. He might not hit you but his behaviour leads you to behave as though he does. You are not a loser you are isolated and afraid and that has lead you to this state of affairs.

Have you any interests or things you like to do? Maybe that is a way to meet others outside of your circle which your husband moves in. Perhaps volunteer somewhere and see where that leads you? I wish I could come up with a magical answer but I and others are here to listen to you.
 
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Annie794

Member
Joined
Nov 28, 2019
Messages
9
Location
United States
I think this marriage is extremely unhealthy for your psyche and you would feel better if you free yourself from him. It kinda sounds to me like maybe he likes having you around because it makes him feel good about himself to have someone to put down. And it will be hard for you to recover your self esteem if you stick with him.
 
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Annie794

Member
Joined
Nov 28, 2019
Messages
9
Location
United States
To add to my prior post, I understand that it would be scary to leave the one person you have. But if he's making you like crap about yourself, it really sounds like you are better off without him. You have family who can be your emotional support. It's time to start working on self-love and self-respect. If you love and respect yourself deep inside, you won't feel like you need to cling to another person for dear life.
 
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