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I Don't Know What To Do Anymore.

C

chto2717

New member
Joined
Nov 28, 2018
Messages
1
I'll start by saying that I don't believe I am depressed? I mean there are people who have been through way worse than what I have so I'm not quite sure and I feel bad thinking I am. Regardless,

This is about a heartbreak, I know how original.
I had been with this person for a while, shit happened and they left me, hit me hard and I did the typical "please take me back I love you so much" kinda deal, bad idea, honestly I think we could've gotten back together if I hadn't done that, but anyways. It's been almost a year now, I have been distracting myself a lot and whatnot, but the day always ends with me in bed, crying and regretting everything.

Let me get it out of the way quickly that I do think about taking my own life quite often, I have never taken any actions towards it, but I know how I would go about doing it.

Now that that's out of the way, my moods are typically one of these two, sad but with a weird feeling of "ok-ness", or the one I'm in currently, extreme sadness, regret and unable to think about anything positive, I was usually quite good at staying positive, but I just cannot anymore.

I have accepted that it is over, and that they have moved on, which they clearely have. I know this sounds bad, but I can't stop looking for them, I'll look at their friends pictures to see if they're in there somewhere, because frankly, seeing them makes me happy, and since they have no interest in seeing me or even talking to me, this is my only way.

Today they found out I was still doing this, which is awful for both of us, I know they hate that I do this, but I just cannot stop. I got hit with the "Please leave me alone, what do you want from me", I've yet to reply because I'm just so scared and upset and confused and I don't know if I should pour my heart out once again or what. When It was their birthday I decided to make a handmade card for them which I truly put nothing but positivity and love into, and got a text message in reply "Thoughtful card thank you" and that was it.

During our relationship we had very bad times, but not once did the idea of being with anyone else or being alone cross my mind. I know it's all my fault, I am so very fucking well aware it's god awful. I could've done so much to save it, but I didn't, anyways. I'm not sure what I'm trying to do with this post, I just wish I could talk to someone, I wish I could talk to them, but I can't.

I just have no hope anymore of ever being happy again, because I know I won't be without them. Sure I was "happy" before I met them, but now I know what it really feels like to be happy and I lost that to my own mistakes.

It just sucks so much - the fact that the only person you wanna talk to doesn't want anything to do with you, not fun. And the worst thing is, the things I did to make them leave me, I've gotten better and I know I would never do those things again, but I won't ever get my second chance to prove that. I just know I could give them everything they ever wanted I just KNOW it.

I'm not sure what I want to hear other than "hey i know how you can get them back", but feel free to say anything.

Well anyways, if you read this, thanks, if you're struggling as well, I hope it gets better for you.
 
calypso

calypso

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
Joined
Jan 5, 2011
Messages
43,510
Location
Lancashire
Hiya and :welcome: to the forum. Its terrible to feel this way and to want so much a person you can't have. My deepest sympathies to you. I can't tell you how to get them back, its over as far as I can tell from your post and its just being so hard to move on. You say you aren't in a depression and yet you are thinking of suicide. That sounds pretty damn serious to me. AS far as that is concerned, I think you need to see someone to get help with that.

Have you ever heard of the organisation called Relate.org.uk? They deal with relationship problems and you don't have to be acouple to see them. They would help you to come to terms with your problems and learn how to move forwards again. I don't know if there is one in your neighbourhood but you could try to find one and see what they say. There is usually a waiting list but its a well trained group of people who run it.

I seriously hope that you can find a way to come to terms with this before the suicidal thoughts get too serious.
 
H

h.elena

Member
Joined
Nov 29, 2018
Messages
6
Location
sao paulo, Brazil
I'm also very much not well because of a relationship that didn't work. I'd be happy to chat to you about this or anything else really, this feeling sucks
 
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