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I don't know what to do about my social anxiety.

S

Sawyer9

Member
Joined
Mar 8, 2019
Messages
7
Location
UK
I was out at the pub last night with someone, she's just an acquaintance as I've only met her a few times in the past few months, I wasn't interested in her or anything, just a platonic meet as I wanted to go out as it's a busy time of year and so did she. This woman is an extremely forward person, as I've found out - I think where she's from, I suppose people in general are alot more forward and louder, but it's really made me think.

I should say, to give some context - while I've always been shy, where I volunteer (for degree related work experience) requires talking to quite alot of people which I really enjoy, and I'm not being arrogant by saying the following, just giving context, I'm friends with almost everybody in my degree/university class of thirteen people (I was in fact the quickest one to get on friendly terms with everyone, I think). I used to be a stage actor back in college as well and I enjoyed doing that, so I suppose it sounds different when I say I have social anxiety - I didn't always have it, but it kind of developed when I was about 17/18. It fluctuates, but I can go over to someone in a pub or something and start talking to them, I've done it loads of times, especially when I have friends or family with me, it's just what happens after where I fall short - actually constructing and holding a conversation, as well as the way I hold myself and my demeanour - you can probably tell that I'm awkward in that regard.

I can sometimes hold one to some decent regard, but the majority of the time, it falls flat. What was said over and over to me last night, though, knocked all confidence out of me. I know you need to have thick skin, but I'm very insecure in general.

This woman that I was out with kept saying after about ten minutes that I'm socially awkward and because of that I (apparently) don't get girls and I don't have much chance of getting a girlfriend, she told both me and someone else (a separate time) that I have the "personality of a piece of cardboard" or something, she'd say I'm boring, she said someone knocking a drink into me was the most exciting part of the night, as well as other similar things. I hated all of this, but I didn't really contest any of it - what she said about not getting girls was so demoralising, I just lost all heart of anything. Don't get me wrong, I've had brief relationships with women before etc but I'm really in a funk with this. I was trying very hard to stop being like this and to think of some way to better hold the conversation, but I couldn't. There were other things she said about this - that I "have no balls" because of my social awkwardness and the rest of it.

In terms of the outlook for the future, it makes it look very bleak and all it did was demoralise me - it's made me think I can't stand any serious chance of getting a girlfriend because of the way I am. Other people have surely noticed that I'm socially awkward before in terms of holding a conversation, they didn't comment on it or anything, but maybe they didn't notice it the way this woman did last night.

How do I arrest this social decline? I've been referred to the wellbeing, but I've no idea what to expect. Is CBT the answer? Medication? I don't particularly want to gain weight, I know alot of those medications cause that. Thanks for reading, all the best.
 
arodi007

arodi007

Active member
Joined
Nov 13, 2019
Messages
27
Location
Mauritius
hey sawyer, i be direct, it just my opinion, but i dont believe she is your friend, she is like the fake colleague who pretend to be your friend and just used you. i feel she is just showing herself in a group or something using you. maybe am wrong or she just want to do a click on you but that doesnt seem so from what u said.
Did you ask her why she acted like that ?;v

I was in kinda the same situation like u at work, some colleague just make fun of you in group and will keep doing it when u dont defend like keep pushing on your weakness. I just hang out with close friend and avoid these kind of selfish people.

i cant really advice you on medication koz i know nothing about it but u could start by making your own technique to remove negative thought and also take some good moment with family or close friend. Some people are very toxic even if u first thought there are your friend.
 
Jewels2020

Jewels2020

Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2020
Messages
8
Location
Hamilton
I was out at the pub last night with someone, she's just an acquaintance as I've only met her a few times in the past few months, I wasn't interested in her or anything, just a platonic meet as I wanted to go out as it's a busy time of year and so did she. This woman is an extremely forward person, as I've found out - I think where she's from, I suppose people in general are alot more forward and louder, but it's really made me think.

I should say, to give some context - while I've always been shy, where I volunteer (for degree related work experience) requires talking to quite alot of people which I really enjoy, and I'm not being arrogant by saying the following, just giving context, I'm friends with almost everybody in my degree/university class of thirteen people (I was in fact the quickest one to get on friendly terms with everyone, I think). I used to be a stage actor back in college as well and I enjoyed doing that, so I suppose it sounds different when I say I have social anxiety - I didn't always have it, but it kind of developed when I was about 17/18. It fluctuates, but I can go over to someone in a pub or something and start talking to them, I've done it loads of times, especially when I have friends or family with me, it's just what happens after where I fall short - actually constructing and holding a conversation, as well as the way I hold myself and my demeanour - you can probably tell that I'm awkward in that regard.

I can sometimes hold one to some decent regard, but the majority of the time, it falls flat. What was said over and over to me last night, though, knocked all confidence out of me. I know you need to have thick skin, but I'm very insecure in general.

This woman that I was out with kept saying after about ten minutes that I'm socially awkward and because of that I (apparently) don't get girls and I don't have much chance of getting a girlfriend, she told both me and someone else (a separate time) that I have the "personality of a piece of cardboard" or something, she'd say I'm boring, she said someone knocking a drink into me was the most exciting part of the night, as well as other similar things. I hated all of this, but I didn't really contest any of it - what she said about not getting girls was so demoralising, I just lost all heart of anything. Don't get me wrong, I've had brief relationships with women before etc but I'm really in a funk with this. I was trying very hard to stop being like this and to think of some way to better hold the conversation, but I couldn't. There were other things she said about this - that I "have no balls" because of my social awkwardness and the rest of it.

In terms of the outlook for the future, it makes it look very bleak and all it did was demoralise me - it's made me think I can't stand any serious chance of getting a girlfriend because of the way I am. Other people have surely noticed that I'm socially awkward before in terms of holding a conversation, they didn't comment on it or anything, but maybe they didn't notice it the way this woman did last night.

How do I arrest this social decline? I've been referred to the wellbeing, but I've no idea what to expect. Is CBT the answer? Medication? I don't particularly want to gain weight, I know alot of those medications cause that. Thanks for reading, all the best.
I relate, there is only so much information that can be shared on a topic and if it doesnt smoothly transition into a different topic I don't know what's to do. I go blank. People who are "blunt" are generally just judgemental. Hopefully her single opinion won't be the make it or break it of your social circle and friends.
 
Narutaku

Narutaku

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 5, 2017
Messages
53
Social anxiety is a tough situation I’ve experienced quite a bit. First of all seems the biggest problem you have is that the woman you were spending time with is an immature toxic bully and you should avoid these types of people. I would recommend stepping up your openness about your struggle because more people might feel a similar way than you think. I come from a family who all have genetic social anxiety and we’ve learned that the best thing to do is accept the difficulties it brings and try to seek treatment and strategies to combat the cycle that leads to bad situations. If I feel like a social situation is getting bad and making me anxious I will leave the room (sometimes I will go to the restroom) and try to get some good breaths in and clear my mind to prevent escalating anxiety and tension. If I’m comfortable with the person enough I will mention that I sometimes get anxious around people or something along those lines, usually I try to keep things light though.
 
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