I don't know what is wrong with me

[jodiddly]

I’m 19 and a college student, and my mind is out of control.

I know I’m depressed. I find it hard to get out of bed and motivate myself. I cry a lot. I hate myself as a person, my personality, how I look. I have anxiety a lot too and I have self harmed

But I also can’t control my thoughts. I feel like my mind is out of control. I see mental images of me slamming my head into windows or. breaking down and becoming insane even though I am not currently insane I don't think. I am afraid that I will one day go insane without knowing.

Sometimes I think I see things moving but they aren’t. I feel paranoid a lot of the time and think of all the ways that people I know can hurt me if they wanted to.

I feel like I am on autopilot a lot of the time.

I can’t read people and I don’t know if they like me. But I’m very clingy and desperate for people to like me because I can’t handle being alone. The loneliness makes me suicidal. I try to be a good friend and I help everyone and am nice to everyone so they don't leave me and I never let anyone know about my struggles

I hit myself in the head when I’m upset and I don’t know why. I make so many mistakes. I don’t feel like I’m coherent at all right now and I’m sorry but I am desperate because I don’t know why I’m like this.

 

[JessisMe]

Hi jodiddly! I love your name.

It really sounds like you have a lot of concerns about yourself and a lot going on in your headspace at the moment. Your twenties are a good time to begin exploring these things because as you enter your adult years it is best to be as well as possible. Often colleges have a counseling service for students. Have you considered looking into anything like this? I think it would be really helpful for you to have support in these matters and someone who can talk things over with you in the interest of helping you out. Hope things improve for you soon. xo, j

 

[Narcissist714]

If you can try to see a psychiatrist and see if antidepressants would help. You said you never let anyone know about your struggles. I feel you on that. Keeping all those struggles in can make many people feel like they are going crazy. It might help if you find a friend that is willing to listen to you and sometimes that’s all that’s needed for you to feel better is somebody being there and listening.

 

[jodiddly]

If you can try to see a psychiatrist and see if antidepressants would help. You said you never let anyone know about your struggles. I feel you on that. Keeping all those struggles in can make many people feel like they are going crazy. It might help if you find a friend that is willing to listen to you and sometimes that’s all that’s needed for you to feel better is somebody being there and listening.

I take antidepressants at the moment - thanks