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I dont know what is the real mental issue is going on to me. please help

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feefee_

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Jul 13, 2017
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2
I dont know what is the real mental issue is going on to me. please help

I'm a graduate straight single male 35 years. never been in an relationship. From birth onwards I'm shy to speak to elders (like I cant express what i want to. even to my parents). I'm always afraid of bullying so I avoid many persons in my class. I only speak to one that matches with me.Till now I only have one or two friends that too not close. I'm good in academics but not in any other activities. never played any games. loner. so anyone can hurt me easily with words. I'm always thinking like a child(but not immature) and postponing like I'm not mature enough to do these things. I have lots of anxieties about future.
I have been fired out many times. currently I don’t have interest in anything. I'm afraid of people. I'm always wanted to be alone. I feel I'm a loser. sometimes I'm become more hyper. I can't concentrate on anything even while listening to others. I'm against bossy nature. I always speak to myself in mind. envious. empathetic like relating everything to myself getting hurt by that.

please help.
 
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naominash

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Mar 26, 2016
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You may just have a very introverted, intellectually based nature. You have a tendency to stay in your head and prefer to analyze things from a distance rather than attack them head on.

However, everyone needs balance. Academics are wonderful but it's hard to sustain a job without sociability. When you're anti social on the job, people gossip about you and don't favor you. So you have to learn to be polite and cordial to everyone, even if only on a limited level.

Things like getting out with new people, exercise, and trying new things helps develop you into a more well-rounded person.

There's nothing wrong with being single as long as you are taking that time to develop yourself.

In short, I don't necessarily think your issue has to be mental illness unless you just continue to hide from people and never attack things head on.
 
NeedHaldol

NeedHaldol

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Jun 8, 2017
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I was a "social loner". I functioned well with friends and socializing, but sometimes I hid myself and would not attend high school parties.

I was super social in my one year of college, but that was because I was getting trashed all the time. I played sports which helped with my lone wolf behavior.

There were a couple years as I got older where I had no social interaction and I was happy.

I would suggest something to get you into social situations that encourage social behavior like volunteering at a food bank or animal shelter.

I am now much happier because I can socialize better - I can lead a conversation without having awkward silences.

I spend about 10 hours working every day in my basement studio which feeds my need to be alone. I also am forced into socializing and getting to know how to interact with people because of my job - I am a DJ - but I still have to pop a med in order to stay calm.
 
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SpringerSpaniel

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Jul 13, 2017
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I can emphathise with you because I think with your shyness and bullying you have developed a lack of interaction with others that has led you to isolate yourself. It is obviously a very rationale and natural reaction. In my case I went to boarding school at a young age and then found it very difficult to trust anyone due to the betrayal of my family by being sent away, and you actually go through bereavement (removed from family) but it is normalised. It has got to the situation I'm in where I'm forty two and I've never been in a relationship. It started off as isolating myself due to issues with trust and then a pattern of being very independent . Boarding school does that. But it's very unusual not to have a relationship at our types of ages, but don't let anyone for one moment tell you that you are an outcast. You are simply a product of your experience, like me, and you can change if you want to. I am still working out if a partner would be good for me. I want to experience it before I die but I might be past the pale.

But you should never be embarrassed and I would highly recommend trying to get yourself diagnosed assuming you have any mental health issue. Nothing to be embarrassed about, but then you can target what you need to do, to bring about the changes to your life, assuming a diagnosis. I'm trying that and forcing myself to think about it every day. Let your mind work it over and you will sort it all out. But whatever you do, do normalise it and chat back my friend because you are helping yourself and others, and no way are you alone.
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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Jun 13, 2015
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Having read this thread, an odd thing comes to mind. A public speaking class. That one class could help you immensely. Or a debate class.
 
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feefee_

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Jul 13, 2017
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Thank you for the advice. :grouphug: Now I can feel this is normal and practise something to become better. people always says you are so much behind than the kids. I like to hear more if someone had the same issues and how they overcame.
 
dermild

dermild

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Jun 19, 2017
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187
One trick I do is practice talking with people where it's low-stakes. In other words, no risk. I'll go a few towns over to an electronic store and strike up a conversation with a salesman, should things be slow at the store.

Most social things take practice for me, otherwise I'll lose my confidence.

I've also been told that joining Toast Masters would be helpful. Haven't tried that yet.
 
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