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I don't know what I'm really like anymore

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MrCarter

New member
Joined
May 24, 2017
Messages
1
Edit: (The thread name isn't accurate. Don't ask how I did that, but a more accurate title would probably be "Trouble Making Friends")

hey, this is my first post here. Im 21 and I live in the US.

Ever since my first year of high school (if not longer), I have struggled to make friends. I got a little better by the end of my high school career, but 2 years have past since then and now i feel as though I'm worse then I was back then. Back then, I always forced myself out there to talk to people. Most of the time it ended up with me regretting it, but I ended up with a small group of friends that made me laugh as much as I made them laugh, and i remember always being really happy when I was with them. When high school came to an end, all of my friends went off to different colleges. I didn't get as far as they did with my average grades, and back then I didn't have a car like they did, so I was stuck taking online classes. i worked full time retail for the last 2 years trying to pay off those classes (financial aid did me wrong) so i wasn't at all socially locked away. I used my job as a chance to make more friends and to hone my social skills.. Neither of which happened.

People that know me at my workplace just kinda pretend they don't see me when they walk by. Everyone treats me differently compared to how they treat others. The people I work with always look like they enjoy their jobs because no one is serious and they always joke around with each other. They even hit it off with customers a lot of the time. But with me, they normally just give short replies and stern looks. When I ask questions to try to get them talking, they give short answers. Girls tend to approach me every now and then asking for my number (weird right lol). I don't care much for those kind of relationships right now tbh, but the fact that someone my age was trying to befriend me would always leave me in a good mood. But after a few days, they normally start treating me like everyone else does.

When my friends finally came back for summer break, I felt as though I couldn't connect with them anymore. It's so hard for me to speak up when I'm around them, and when I do I end up with an awkward "...ok...", or an awkward silence. They haven't changed a bit personality-wise, but now conversations don't last like they used to (when talking to me), and they treat me differently then they do each other.. as if I was suddenly too different for them (which may be the case. I don't know). I no longer feel comfortable being around them..

I have social anxiety, ADHD and depression. I don't know if there's much I can do about my ADHD, because my doctors won't prescribe me medication (yes, I've been to multiple doctors). And I've been fighting social anxiety and depression for at least 6 years by constantly forcing myself out there, constantly failing, constantly trying again and being optimistic, but I expected things to get.. ya know, better? I never saw myself falling to this point. I have flashbacks every day of my worst failures of trying to engage people, and each time I have to cringe. It's almost as if I have ptsd, which can't be right because I've never been traumatized.

I've seen multiple therapist but the only thing that's really helped me with was depression.. which isn't bad at all because depression sucks. But i feel like my social anxiety and ADHD are making sure it that it never goes away for good.

But yea, I guess I just wanted to vent a little bit. Can't really remember the last time I did, so this makes me feel a little better. Advice would be nice, but not necessary.
 
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Slyorbital

Guest
:welcome:Mr Carter,
I am sorry for the way people treat you.I think if you have been treated badly and even bullied or rejected enough it is very traumatic so you may be suffering from ptsd,this means the memories of trying so hard to be accepted and keep getting rejected are painful and destabilising and are causing you trauma still.You can get help for this,see a physician about doing some kind of talking therapy,I think it may help.CBT therapy one to one might help you with ptsd and to overcome social anxiety.

You are right,I have social anxiety issues too and it make you feel good when people like you but miserable when they don't accept you and reject you.There are no easy answers,we have no choice but to go on and keep trying socially.You at least have us here for support now,you can PM me anytime if you need to talk and you want support.

About talking to people and getting short answers back,there are closed questions,like what colour are your eyes? which will get the short answer blue and nothing much else to say or there are open questions that demand a longer answer,like,tell me about your holiday in Mexico?...this requires more detail and a lengthy reply which will give you the chance to make into an even longer conversation.You can buy books by people like Leil Lowndes which give tips on conversation and people skills, Google her or check her out on Amazon.
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,502
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
Hi MrCarter and Welcome to the Forum. :) I learned a lot about social skills and communication skills from books and going to meetings. You can go to all sorts of meetings; gardening club meetings, sci fi book club meetings, etc. At meetings people are looking to make friends and connect. Then at the meetings I would put what I learned from the books to use. Like I learned Reflective Listening and asking people questions about their lives.

One is lucky if they have one true friend, a pal they can count on, a buddy.
 
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Dprijten

New member
Joined
Jun 26, 2016
Messages
4
connecting with others

hey.

sounds like you have a liming belief about people or your self. it is a easy fix!

we find out what you belief is and remove it.

if you believe "people dont like me" or "people are mean" for example chances are your going to have a hard time really getting the connection with people that seems to be effortless for others.

former social anxiety suffer
 
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MHFMMB4

Member
Joined
May 29, 2017
Messages
7
Welcome! I’m new here too. It’s nice to find a place where you can vent while still maintaining your privacy. Hope to talk with you again. Take care!
 
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faizan7m

New member
Joined
Oct 9, 2017
Messages
1
You know something, I currently am in the same situation. I finished highschool, have mild depression and feel like I am becoming socially awkward.

I think you can solve your own social awkwardness. Force yourself to talk to your neibours or old friend. It's nice to know treatment helps woth depresion.

I hope I can make your day better with this answer.
 
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