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I don't know what I'm feeling anymore

E

existing

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Feb 11, 2017
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I've had depression and anxiety since forever, and like a lot of others, it comes in waves. I can have a few days/weeks of feeling neutral then I'll nosedive into a very bad place. It's been really bad lately and I almost went through with ending it all a few weeks ago and I was so ready to do it, and that thought scared me. However, I've started feeling some different things, even when I'm not having a bad episode. I feel like I'm not really here, like I feel like I exist in a different plane of existence to everyone else. I'm surrounded by people but I feel so alienated, like everyone else is in on some joke that I can't understand. I feel like I shouldn't be here, or that I was never meant to be born in the first place. I feel so uncertain with myself. I question my ideals, my goals, my own thoughts. I wonder if I'm really feeling like this, or just making it all up. I don't know what I'm feeling and it's not going away.
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

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It may help to have a look at these two pages on the forum: Suicidal Crisis and Mental Health Forum - Getting Help about what to do if you're feeling suicidal, or if you need emergency help. I hope you can use the forum for support during this difficult time.

If you’re thinking about suicide and are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number (i.e. in the UK call 999, in the USA or Canada call 911, in Australia call 000 and in New Zealand call 111) or call the international emergency number of 112.

If you have been affected by the contents of this thread and would like to speak to someone about your feelings you can call one of the following helplines:

In the UK and Ireland, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123.
In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.
In Canada, the Suicide Prevention Service on 1.833.456.4566.
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.
In New Zealand, the Need to Talk service is on 1737 or 080017371737.
Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org.
 
T

treasurebox

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Aug 14, 2018
Messages
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Philippines
It will be good for you to see a doctor or a therapist.

Look at the beauty of life and what life has to offer you. Focus your mind on the good side of things.

Listening to motivational and uplifting songs on youtube helps me. Music is therapeutic. Listen to it daily or as often as needed.

Create happy moments because happiness is a choice and you were created to be happy.

What are you good at and what do you love doing? Is it cooking, baking, gardening, doing arts and crafts? Whatever it is, do it for it will make you happy and fulfilled.

Helping others will make you happy as well. Think of who you can help. You may even donate or volunteer in your community or online.
 
A

AnKo11

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May 14, 2021
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Hey! Do not give up. I sure everything will be OK.
 
Lost009

Lost009

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May 14, 2021
Messages
89
Location
Providence, RI USA
I've had depression and anxiety since forever, and like a lot of others, it comes in waves. I can have a few days/weeks of feeling neutral then I'll nosedive into a very bad place. It's been really bad lately and I almost went through with ending it all a few weeks ago and I was so ready to do it, and that thought scared me. However, I've started feeling some different things, even when I'm not having a bad episode. I feel like I'm not really here, like I feel like I exist in a different plane of existence to everyone else. I'm surrounded by people but I feel so alienated, like everyone else is in on some joke that I can't understand. I feel like I shouldn't be here, or that I was never meant to be born in the first place. I feel so uncertain with myself. I question my ideals, my goals, my own thoughts. I wonder if I'm really feeling like this, or just making it all up. I don't know what I'm feeling and it's not going away.
I feel the same way. I don't know what I'm supposed to do in this world, anymore. I've lost pleasure in a lot of things. Such an unpleasant state to be in.
 
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