- Feb 11, 2017
I've had depression and anxiety since forever, and like a lot of others, it comes in waves. I can have a few days/weeks of feeling neutral then I'll nosedive into a very bad place. It's been really bad lately and I almost went through with ending it all a few weeks ago and I was so ready to do it, and that thought scared me. However, I've started feeling some different things, even when I'm not having a bad episode. I feel like I'm not really here, like I feel like I exist in a different plane of existence to everyone else. I'm surrounded by people but I feel so alienated, like everyone else is in on some joke that I can't understand. I feel like I shouldn't be here, or that I was never meant to be born in the first place. I feel so uncertain with myself. I question my ideals, my goals, my own thoughts. I wonder if I'm really feeling like this, or just making it all up. I don't know what I'm feeling and it's not going away.