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I don't know what happened

L

luphy

Member
Joined
Apr 12, 2021
Messages
5
Location
Ireland
Sorry if I'm double posting but it seems my post got deleted.
I'm hoping someone could give me some insights or advice as I've had a very bad experiences of the last week. In short I get intrusive thoughts and I was put on xanax two weeks ago and they were working but my doctor wanted me off them on Tuesday and to go on an antidepressant called Venlafaxine. This was pure hell. It sent my stress and panic though the roof. I could not sleep for three nights, I was pacing, suicidal thoughts, self harming, didn't know who I was etc. I phone the doctor for each of the three days and they ignored me saying I need to stay on it. I phoned the caredoc because it was killing me at the weekend and he said come off them immediately which I did Saturday and started to feel better.

Only things is today I had a huge panic attack and intrusive thoughts due to verbal abuse by hooligans on my walk today and it brought back all the trauma of childhood bullying. I was in a bad state as it set of my intrusive thoughts over sleep and now I can't come down from the stress levels. It's like I'm getting some of the side effects again, the jittering, the nerves, the suicidal self harm thoughts that are coming and going. It is on my mind all day and I'm having difficulty sleeping again. I just finding it hard to cope, it's so hard right now. I don't know what to do.
 
Signofthetimes

Signofthetimes

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Mar 1, 2021
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4,111
Location
California
I use my walks to try to feel better. Sorry that this happened. That would have affected me too. I was on paxil years ago and had to come off it. I was scared to try anything else. However, I started a new medication that worked for me at that time. What is your care doc doing to follow up? Coming off meds isn't easy. If I had stayed on paxil, I wouldn't be here now. That was 17 years ago. Between then and now a lot of wonderful things have happened in my life. The other doctors should not have ignored you. I'm glad your care doc listened. I hope you can find a resolution and feel better soon.
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

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Apr 20, 2019
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2,625
Location
England
Hi luphy.
Are you diagnosed with anything officially by either a GP or Psychiatrist?
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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Jun 13, 2016
Messages
2,362
Sorry if I'm double posting but it seems my post got deleted.
I'm hoping someone could give me some insights or advice as I've had a very bad experiences of the last week. In short I get intrusive thoughts and I was put on xanax two weeks ago and they were working but my doctor wanted me off them on Tuesday and to go on an antidepressant called Venlafaxine. This was pure hell. It sent my stress and panic though the roof. I could not sleep for three nights, I was pacing, suicidal thoughts, self harming, didn't know who I was etc. I phone the doctor for each of the three days and they ignored me saying I need to stay on it. I phoned the caredoc because it was killing me at the weekend and he said come off them immediately which I did Saturday and started to feel better.

Only things is today I had a huge panic attack and intrusive thoughts due to verbal abuse by hooligans on my walk today and it brought back all the trauma of childhood bullying. I was in a bad state as it set of my intrusive thoughts over sleep and now I can't come down from the stress levels. It's like I'm getting some of the side effects again, the jittering, the nerves, the suicidal self harm thoughts that are coming and going. It is on my mind all day and I'm having difficulty sleeping again. I just finding it hard to cope, it's so hard right now. I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry to hear of everything you have gone through. Have you mentioned this last business to your Care Teams? I think it's important to remember this business with those hooligans is not related to your past, and that you are safe at home now :hug:
 
L

luphy

Member
Joined
Apr 12, 2021
Messages
5
Location
Ireland
Thanks everyone for the replies.

The caredoc is sending an email to my gp over what happened but I won't be able to talk to my gp about it until Friday and even then it's over the phone and most likely for only a minute or two, thanks to them being over taxed. When I've been put on mind altering drugs that needs to be monitor it's a pretty crappy way of doing it. But I have no choice I don' have any care team other than the gp and that turned out to be hell.
I'm going to ask to see if I can go to a psychiatrist if I'm being put on drugs because I don't have faith in my gp to know what he is doing now. I have to see how that goes.

I've been to a psychiatrist before and it just was not a good experience. She said she couldn't find anything wrong with me at first evaluation and then at the second she talked to my parents only. My mom (and it wasn't her fault) started stressing out over the state of my bedroom and gave the psychiatrist the wrong impression of me hoarding and thus out of nowhere see said I had OCPD which when I looked up I had none of the characteristics of it. How did she go from not knowing to suddenly yup that's it from one conversation with my mother and not ask me about my messy room. Not let me say that it was because I felt safe with my room messy and unsafe with it clean. Or that in my childhood I would have my room pristine and i was criticised by my parents for cleaning too much and I just give up doing so after so much criticism. My parents meant well but they didn't understand what I was going through at the time. Although now they understand and my mom gets what they psychiatrist did in not listening to my side was a bit unfair. They are hugely supportive now so I'm thankful for that.

But still if the psychiatrist said it was OCD I would have believed it more as I fall more into that from my own knowledge and while I am most certainly not qualified, I'm not ignorant either, I studied a good bit of psychology in college and I do read a lot about it. So I was skeptical of the diagnosis. I had talked to my counsellor about it at the time and while she couldn't say yes or no, she did seemed to think that it's possible the psychiatrist was a bit off and that it is some form of OCD but perhaps not OCPD. I don't think so anyway looking at the DSM-IV, I had none of the things on the checklist. And the so called 'hoarding' wasn't hoarding broken things or worthless objects. It was my very expensive collection of figurines that cost me anything from 100 to 500 euro so not trash. My room was just messy I don't know what the psychiatrist was on other than a need to diagnose me with something when she couldn't first figure out what I was going through.

Thanks for the words to remember that the hooligans are not related to my past. It's when I was in panic mode I couldn't see that. I just have to remember I'm safe and they can't hurt me here.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
2,362
I worry when people out number someone and have the same opinion(s), or others have a louder voice it's easier for someone to go with their views as they will get their backing. We see this in so many areas of life, and while it may make someone's job or life easier, it may do nothing for doing the right thing, or achieving the right outcomes. May I ask how you are feeling now? :hug: Sometimes when we've had bad experiences, it helps to talk about them. :)
 
L

luphy

Member
Joined
Apr 12, 2021
Messages
5
Location
Ireland
I'm feeling very bad tbh. I'm trying to come off the Xanax and finding it difficult. I've only taken 15 tablets in total since I got them which is going on to nearly three weeks now. I think I'm getting withdrawal but I don't know. I was off them for about 44 hours before I need to take one because everything got to much for me. Feeling nervous and jittery. I took half of 250 micrograms tablet still feeling the anxiety and nerves and have trouble sleeping now. I don't know if I should take the other half now or not or will it cause bad problems or overdose or something.
I'm feeling agitated too and like my brain is not working right. I wish the doctor would talk me through this. I really like to know if this is withdrawal and how to get through it. I'm reluctant to try antidepressants again after that experience.
I feel like I should never have tried medication to get better as it feels like it has made things worse.
I was having trouble with panic attacks from time to time and a lot of intrusive thoughts but this feels like everything has been made worse and I don't know how to get better.
 
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