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I don't know if this is where I should be posting

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prettywittynell

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*TRIGGER WARNING - mentions of suicidal thoughts* [<First time user, IDK if you guys use those]

Hi! This one's a bit more for those with a female perspective.

I moved away from home in the fall, and everything was good at the beginning but then things started to fall apart. All the friends I made drifted apart and there was a lot of conflict. Then, I'm not sure exactly what happened but in January things were just terrible. I have generalized anxiety disorder and a history of depression and SAD in my family, and everything just started to feel so overwhelming. I had a particular bad few days and I had this urge to fall from somthing

Not in a suicidal way, I just felt like if I did it, I'd be more grounded and everything would stop being so overwhelming, kinda like it would snap me back into reality, which logically I knew wasn't true. I never came close to actually doing it, just stayed in my room for the weekend and cried a lot, reconnected with some friends from back home, though I never told them why I was upset. Within a few days, the feeling passed and I checked my period tracking app and noticed that those few days were when I was ovulating.
The same thing happened at the same time the next month, but not the month after as it was March and I'd moved back home because of the COVID-19 pandemic. I've also had thoughts when I've been walking of being killed, by something random driving past or when I'm crossing the street. Those thoughts never really alarm me, if anything I have this sort of hunger for them to happen, but I don't think I'm suicidal in any way. Like, I don't want to die.

So what's the verdict? Do you guys think it might be SAD? A hormonal thing? Maybe some late-onset situational depression? Do you think I should go to therapy? If anyone's experienced anything like this, or knows anyone who has, any advice would be appreciated.
 
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Jrchmn

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Oct 17, 2018
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SAD wise I’ve always had my worst times in the winter around my period. In the past hormone based contraception really helped and I’m considering a contraceptive injection or coil at the end of this summer.
There have been a few times during my life where things have gotten so bad that I’ve still had depression and anxiety after equinox. This has happened when events/situations have caused a big negative impact on my life. Things that affect how safe I am are particularly bad.
When I was younger a sunny spell in spring would give me manic energy. If there was a negative situation this energy could be nervous energy and even manic anxiety. As I wear glasses I switched to reactive lenses that turned into sun glasses when exposed to UV and that problem went away within a few days of starting to wear them. During a bout of depression/anxiety there’d be a constant feeling of fight or flight. I’d have thoughts about something killing me and that this would bring the situation to an end. When that happened daily repetitive exercise was really helpful. It helps your body process stress hormones and the chemicals they leave behind. Once in my life I was on antidepressants during that time and they made all the feelings so much worse. The doctor upped the dosage thinking I needed more within a week the symptoms were much worse. I immediately stopped taking them all together (something most professionals will tell you is a very bad idea) and my symptoms reduced over night.
I’ve also had SAD symptoms during spring and summer months when I’ve been starved of light by circumstances such as working night shifts in overcast weather.
In your situation I’d do 3 things.
1 consider exposure to light. Either use sun glasses or light boxes to balance things out.
2 consider any threats to safety. Unfortunately the covid 19 situation means we’re all feeling threatened either talking about it or limiting your exposure to news and conversations about it might help.
3 consider remedies for period problems such as vitamins (magnesium can make a big difference) herbal remedies (oil of evening primrose has helped me in the past) and/or hormonal contraception. There’s a really good book called the period repair manual you might find useful.
Hope you feel better soon.
 
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