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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

I don't know if i'll ever love again.

H

HopelessDesire

Member
Joined
Apr 5, 2020
Messages
5
Location
New Zealand
I had a relationship that didn't last too long, we weren't anything official ever. It lasted about 3 months and it has been my first and only relationship. She lost interest in me when my best friend came to visit and had feelings for him. I'm pretty sure they are together now and i still just can't accept it. I feel betrayed by both of them.

This happened a year ago and i am still angry about it. It feels like it only has gotten worse over time. I've begun to cut people off, some have called me insane and i honestly am starting to believe it.

I haven't made progress in recovery because i'm stuck between two states of mind, one where i am angry and hate both of them, and another where i miss hanging out with them and all the good times we had. I go from Jealousy > Anger > Missing Them > Anger. I have insane mood swings and there almost isnt a time where im not thinking about the whole situation.

I have a skin condition also that i've been dealing with for the past year. It is Psioriasis which is basically scales or lesions across my body. This started shortly after she left me, and i believe that they did this to me. They put me so low mentally that it caused my body to react this way.

The Psioriasis seems to only get worse with time, i hate seeing myself in the mirror. I don't know if i'll ever find anyone to love me like this. I waited 24 years to find someone, and i don't think i'll ever have another shot. My body is tainted and would stop me from ever moving on or finding another lover.

This traumatic experience has affected my entire life. The way i view friends, my mental and physical health and my self esteem. There has been a constant phrase that has echoed throughout my mind the past few days. "Be Nothing, Feel Nothing". I don't know how it got into my head, or how i even thought of that phrase, but i assume the phrase means that the only one to stop how i feel is if i'm dead.

I believe people don't actually like me. They say one thing but their actions say the opposite.
I miss being able to trust people at their word. I cannot name one friend who i legitimately have faith in.
I've been reaching out for so long, but people don't take me seriously.
 
Zackthemaniac

Zackthemaniac

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
1,543
Location
North Carolina
Im sorry this happened to you friend. Ive been there and it sucks. You have to let go of your anger. According to you it wasnt official, so technically even though it's a B!+:/% move she had the right to see other people and apparantly she liked your friend better. This sucks it really freaking does, but if you decided to be happy for your two friends and move on and concentrate on finding somebody who will love you for you, then I think you'll be a lot happier. 24 is still very young, you have plenty of time.
 
H

HopelessDesire

Member
Joined
Apr 5, 2020
Messages
5
Location
New Zealand
Im sorry this happened to you friend. Ive been there and it sucks. You have to let go of your anger. According to you it wasnt official, so technically even though it's a B!+:/% move she had the right to see other people and apparantly she liked your friend better. This sucks it really freaking does, but if you decided to be happy for your two friends and move on and concentrate on finding somebody who will love you for you, then I think you'll be a lot happier. 24 is still very young, you have plenty of time.
Thank you for taking the time to respond. I suppose you are right. But i won't let myself accept it.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
7,116
Location
Nashua NH
Thank you for taking the time to respond. I suppose you are right. But i won't let myself accept it.
You may never accept it but over time it will likely sting less. Have you tried focusing on new prospects? I have found that focusing on new prospects, even if only fantasy, have helped to take my mind off of past mistakes and betrayals. We all have our own emotional makeup and sometimes you are just going to feel a way about something even if that way is bad. Psoriasis isn’t the worst condition to have and I’m sure you have other attributes that make you appealing. If this one girl found you desirable enough to spend three months with chances are others will too. I’d just be patient with yourself and try to distract yourself from the dark thoughts and negative feelings as much as possible. Whether it’s good or bad things that happen to us, one thing for certain is that life goes on... :hug:
 
K

karl7

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
918
I had a relationship that didn't last too long, we weren't anything official ever. It lasted about 3 months and it has been my first and only relationship. She lost interest in me when my best friend came to visit and had feelings for him. I'm pretty sure they are together now and i still just can't accept it. I feel betrayed by both of them.

This happened a year ago and i am still angry about it. It feels like it only has gotten worse over time. I've begun to cut people off, some have called me insane and i honestly am starting to believe it.

I haven't made progress in recovery because i'm stuck between two states of mind, one where i am angry and hate both of them, and another where i miss hanging out with them and all the good times we had. I go from Jealousy > Anger > Missing Them > Anger. I have insane mood swings and there almost isnt a time where im not thinking about the whole situation.

I have a skin condition also that i've been dealing with for the past year. It is Psioriasis which is basically scales or lesions across my body. This started shortly after she left me, and i believe that they did this to me. They put me so low mentally that it caused my body to react this way.

The Psioriasis seems to only get worse with time, i hate seeing myself in the mirror. I don't know if i'll ever find anyone to love me like this. I waited 24 years to find someone, and i don't think i'll ever have another shot. My body is tainted and would stop me from ever moving on or finding another lover.

This traumatic experience has affected my entire life. The way i view friends, my mental and physical health and my self esteem. There has been a constant phrase that has echoed throughout my mind the past few days. "Be Nothing, Feel Nothing". I don't know how it got into my head, or how i even thought of that phrase, but i assume the phrase means that the only one to stop how i feel is if i'm dead.

I believe people don't actually like me. They say one thing but their actions say the opposite.
I miss being able to trust people at their word. I cannot name one friend who i legitimately have faith in.
I've been reaching out for so long, but people don't take me seriously.
im sorry to hear youre having such a tough time.....i hope things improve for you soon.....keep up posting here on the forum......you will get the help and support you need.
 
Pretty Dragons

Pretty Dragons

Member
Joined
Apr 7, 2020
Messages
18
Location
Washington state
I've been divorced twice now. Both marriages lasted about 8 years. I was betrayed both times. After both I thought I would never trust, much less love ever again. Then the person I'm with now came into my life. Love and trust came slowly, I don't even know when they happened. One day it just hit me wow! I love this guy!
Things were not easy. He paid for rhe last two men who hurt and betrayed me. It took two years to trust him. And around year 7 I was a mess! Convinced he would leave. The last two did so why not him. But he didnt leave. We are halfway through our 17th year. So third time was the charm!
Give yourself time to grieve. Time to be angry. When someone new comes along, usually when you least expect or want it, or the worst possible time, it will come to you.
Try not to take your past feeling out on them like I did. Easy to say and almost impossible to do, but try.
Love prayers and Brightest Blessings
 
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