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i dont know if i have BPD or not and am looking for advice...

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nonono

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so im 18 and im really not sure if i have BPD or not as im not diagnosed but ive done a lot of research and would like advice or support or anything!!

i really resonate with a lot about BPD and i know i shouldnt self diagnose or have other people who aren’t professionals diagnose me. im seriously just looking for another person take/pov on this so im just gonna word vomit about my expiriences (kind of in short). also, it’s important to mention that i am diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety and depression (dont know if it’s bipolar or not as of rn) and i know BPD and ADHD can have overlapping symptoms, but as much as im scared to admit, i personally feel that it might be both for me.

so firstly, i really think i favorite person. and right now that person would be my girlfriend. i base all of my feelings on her and i have become almost obsessive and i over analyze and overthink every single thing she says or does to me (i do this with everyone else but it doesnt have as big of an impact as it does for her.) and when she does do something like leave me on read or not say goodmorning or say “night” instead of “goodnight” i get so upset and will start to like space out and everything goes blurry (idk if thats part of BPD?)

another thing i do with people close to me is completely do a 180 about how i feel about them based on ONE thing they do. like if they leave me on read i will get so angry at myself and them and feel like i did something wrong or that they hate me and i end up double texting or pushing them away. (which i always later realize isnt good of me to do and apologize profusely)

which leads me to another thing i do often is apologize too much for everything, if i feel like someones getting annoyed with me, i apologize. if i feel like someones in a bad mood i think they hate me and apologize. and i know thats irrational thinking and i feel bad like i always make things about me which makes me want to apologize even more and its an endless cycle!!!

im also so unsure of who i am or how i act or what i like which makes me frustrated. sometimes someone will simply ask me “how was your dayl and my mind goes blank. like i havent been there the whole time. i swear life just feels like im watching myself through a very fuzzy and glitchy movie screen i have no sense of self.

i dont think ive genuinely been happy for a consecutive week in so long. as long as i can remember actually, though i can’t remember much! but the weird thing is i know in the moment that im struggling but once it goes away i convince myself i faked it and that its gonna last but it never does. someone will look at me a certain way and ill think they hate me. i just feel like such a burden with my crazy fast and extreme mood swings all the time. im scared people are gonna get sick of me constantly apologizing and then doing the same thing i just wish it would stop.

i also dont know if this could tie into BPD or ADHD at all but i also have very weird eating patterns and i always have.

and one last thing i do that ill talk about is everything is so black and white with me. there is no in between. i cant feel two things about a situation or person at once i have to only feel one.

does any or all of this sound like it could be BPD? or is it just ADHD or anxiety or depression? or is this all just normal?

thank you for reading this if you did, any words or advice or thoughts is appreciated!!! <3
 
UpnDwn1978

UpnDwn1978

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Hi nonono, welcome to the forum :welcome:

It sounds like you have a lot of worries. Have you seen a professional about your conditions? From what you describe it can be a lot of things and I'm not a professional so I would rather not speculate but I'm sure there is someone on this forum that can relate and give you better advice than I can. Take care and best wishes.

M
 
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nonono

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Hi nonono, welcome to the forum :welcome:

It sounds like you have a lot of worries. Have you seen a professional about your conditions? From what you describe it can be a lot of things and I'm not a professional so I would rather not speculate but I'm sure there is someone on this forum that can relate and give you better advice than I can. Take care and best wishes.

M
hi!!! thank you so much for responding, i agree, i think i should definitely talk to my therapist or mom about it, since i havent yet, i just kind of wanted to spill about some stuff on here and see what others might think before doing it, so thank you! i really appreciate it!
best wishes to you as well :)
 
Passionflower

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I think everyone is a bit black and white when they are 18 years old!!
 
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bpd2020

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Hello and welcome to the forum. I really think the best thing would be to talk to your doctor about your thoughts. Only a professional can give a diagnosis. I do understand you would like opinions but BPD effects people in different ways so it would not be possible for us to say.
 
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nonono

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Hello and welcome to the forum. I really think the best thing would be to talk to your doctor about your thoughts. Only a professional can give a diagnosis. I do understand you would like opinions but BPD effects people in different ways so it would not be possible for us to say.
yes okay i agree :) thank you so much for responding!! i think i will definitely talk to my therapist about it i think i was just scared but whatever is happening definitely has a very big impact on my life and i do want to be able to see whats going on for sure! thanks so much again and best wishes <3 !!
 
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Nukelavee

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i get so upset and will start to like space out and everything goes blurry (idk if thats part of BPD?)
that sounds like dissociation, which is a defensive reaction to stress or trauma. It can connect to BPD, but can happen for other reasons, too.
which leads me to another thing i do often is apologize too much for everything, if i feel like someones getting annoyed with me, i apologize.
That just sounds like you may be Canadian.... :)

Seriously, though, that could be part of anxiety.
 
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