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I don't know if I can take this anymore or end it. I don't even know if it is anxiety....please help!

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hitman4hire43

New member
Joined
Jan 8, 2015
Messages
1
I don't know if I can take this anymore or end it. I don't even know if it is anxiety....please help!

Hello everyone , I desperately need your help in making a decision . 5 Months ago everything was fine for me , I had a chance to press the reset button (had to go study abroad) and a few months before departure it started : Fainting spells or a feeling like you are on a boat while walking from time to time , digestive problems and eventually the biggest of all : constant awareness of heartbeat . My first panic attack was at a party when after making the grill I sat down and I felt lightheaded and started to panic thinking it's my heart ( I had a supraventricular tachycardia that fired off from time to time) but it wasn't that . To the point that one night my hearbeat would rock my whole body , so I decided to take my blood pressure . While taking it the device stopped inflating halfway there and that moment i felt like fainting. In that instant I thought that my heart stopped . I got up in a full blown panic attack, woke up my parents and went to the er , Heart pounding . Nothing there , ekg normal but I was feeling like I was on the verge of passing out and it was a terrifying sensation . When I got back home I couldn't sleep because I felt like my heart was moments away of stopping .
I went to a cardiologist who decided to do a electrophysiological study on me , he found that other tachycardia thing and fried it . I was back home in a day and he told me that NOTHING else is there and it's just like when u try to see the electricity from a motherboard , if something is wrong , the current won't pass through , and he zapped my heart from left to right and nothing was there. Even my 10 page long bloodworks came back and my father said that he hasn't seen a person healthier than me . And he tested EVERYTHING . ct scans , holter monitor , EVERYTHING.
I went to the best cardiologist in the country and she said after listening to my heart 5 seconds that I only have sinus arrhythmia and started to laugh at me and sent me on my way. I tried to accept that it's anxiety and away I went abroad . During the plane flight ( I hate plane flights ) I felt like I was going to die again , my hearbeat was like : . . . . . . bump ........ . . . . . bump........ .. . . . and with constant adrenaline rushes .
I managed to survive 3 months of this nightmare there , staying with my parents on skype all the time , cellphone always in my pocket with the security phone number on a speed dial in case I go into sudden cardiac arrest , sleeping with my hand on the call button. I even stopped going to uni since the moment I got up from my bed It felt like a horse kicking my chest or when walking out my heart rate would go up to 170 beats per minute . or on the other extreme when it's lower I have that irregular beat that shows up even on my blood pressure monitor . It's like beat beat beat small pause BUMP then it races again and repeats
I finally got back home and I did a heart radioscopy ( nothing) ekg stress test and went to pulse 200 and she said that i didn't even have a single pvc ( although I have some when I lie down sometimes) like 1 per day . I always demand an end to this nightmare , and I tried therapy ...still nothing xanax helped me 2-3 days but then i needed more and more up to 2 or 3 pills a day and some beers to cope with the constant pounding in my body. My father said that they are only sensations from the vagus nerve and it's an imbalance between sympathetic nervous system that makes ur heart race , digestion stop , etc and the parasympathethic one that makes you sleep , digest , lowers heart rate .... and that the irregular delayed beat I feel is only on a slower heart rate in the moment i end my exhaling ( the sinus arrhythimia ) And that I should stop this bullshit because I'm not fooling him anymore and that he thinks I am just lazy and this is a way to justify my failure at college . And that In 2 days I have my plane ticket , if I don't go back yo uni he will kick me out of the house .What am I supposed to do? the whole nervous system thing and sinus arrhythmia sounds legit but there are things that don't add up , I have that delayed thump sometimes even if I have over 120 bpm , and I looked up on the internet and those nervous system symptoms are mixed up in my case , it's not dominant in one way or another ..so I can't tell if there is an imbalance . I want to accept that it's anxiety but when I hear the explanation that it started because I was afraid of going to uni and read ( my father's explanation ) that is utter bullshit .... makes me deny it more , or his way of improvising a non serious explanation for every single symptom that I have just to make me shut up and tell me ok now go and study . It makes me worry even more that I have something and it's just ignored because of his obsession with me studying. When I come and tell him that I can't take this constant 24/7 awareness of my heartbeat he says that it's because I didn't take my driver's license , didn't have good grades in school etc...and that I am hysteric and I need to do physiotherapy , massage , counseling and THE MOST IMPORTANT , to shut up and go STUDY , that when I study it will go AWAY And in anger I tell him that it's his problem and I refuse to be condemned to this nightmare because of his frustrations . So he said that either I go back at uni ( and suffer alone there but he will give me money for the therapy ) or I stay here and he kicks me out of the house . And honesty he WILL kick me out . he is not joking . He is holding my mother on his side because the last time she decided to be on mine he nearly divorced . I don't know what to do , I don't know what to decide , I have 2 more days and I am constantly afraid I might die when my heart goes nuts again and I want to stay here with them and rebuild my body and mind and continue uni next year ... I can't go through that nightmare again , every single second with my hand on the cellphone in case that heart irregular beat comes back and doesn't go away.
Is it JUST anxiety or a real physical thing that is the ROOT of my anxiety? I can't even go to the store by myself anymore....It's a nightmare ..good thing I'm terrified of death.
 
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volnash

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2014
Messages
566
This goes way beyond any knowledge i personally have, seems like its partially a product of your mind, and maybe partially something physical going on, i cant elaborate more as i dont feel i have the knowledge, and as doctors have already put you through the tests i dont see that i can add anything.

I will rather touch on your fear, where ive had something similar it was in the shape of irregular hearthbeats aswell, but i was on steroids at the time and this tells me that it could be the issue, but i will elaborate a little, i had full blood tests and ekg to check my heart, i even had sensors strapped to every inch of my body, and everything proved fine, but i still had irregular hearthbeats and i would strongly disagree with the doctors.

Sorry if this is not exactly the same, or even close due to steroid use but i know the feeling that there is something wrong, and not being believed by the proffessionals.

What i want to reccomend is that you go to more professionals, and also get a blood test for minerals and vitamins, and a hormonal test just to rule anything else out, and if your hearth keeps acting strange then atleast you know a little bit more, the only thing i can say here from what i know is to reccomend you talk to more doctors, just to have enough of them ruling anything serious out of the picture.

When you have ruled everything out, id say the next step is to contact a neurologist to see if this can be a condition in your brain, you can get a referral from your local doctor.

As for the root of your anxiety i cant touch on that, because you may very well be experiencing something completely real, and i dont know your whole story other then that your family seems to be in denial about you having any serious condition, for example your father.

I really wish you the best, and hope you take the neccesary tests to rule out anything and everything, if possible, also just wanted to say that if you took xanax and felt better, it tells me that this could be something in the brain, just an idea eh?

Take care of yourself hitman.
 
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cherbear

Guest
Sounds like what I used to have mine were diagnosed as vasovagal attacks .
 
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