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I don't know how to survive without my parents.

S

SweetBipolar

Active member
Joined
May 1, 2020
Messages
43
Location
usa
There is something I always panic about.
I have agoraphobia & I am terrified of people and going out.
I am 30 years old.
I live with my parents.
I am not used to doing things out on my own.
I know its never too late to start.
I always get this panic feeling that I won't be able to survive.
I see myself as weak and will easily be treated bad by people.
Sometimes I feel there no point in living that I won't be able to survive on my own.
This is a horrible feeling.
This weakness,hopeless,and helpless feeling.
No self esteem.
I feel to weak to survive in the world.
I know we have to be strong..but this is a fight I am always putting up with.
My self esteem and my panic is hard to deal with.
It makes me so upset.
I can't function like a normal person.
I wonder how can I make it in life or what is my purpose......
 
lyesander

lyesander

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jul 4, 2020
Messages
156
Location
USA
Take small steps. Work towards becoming independent in little ways, before pursuing any big, long term goals. Thirty is still young, you have your whole life ahead of you.
 
FlowerBox

FlowerBox

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 7, 2020
Messages
602
Location
Here
I am 20 and I already feel this way too and I have for years. It feels impossible to me to be independent but I really want to be since I don't trust my family fully. It just feels so impossible to understand how to navigate the world...never even had a job though now I have one working online but I want one outside of the house...I guess the online job is a small step but it lo still feels so overwhelming. I feel weak too...
 
EverybodyHurts

EverybodyHurts

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 2, 2020
Messages
348
Location
Bucks
"A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step"
I was agoraphobic for a decade once, but I came through it even though I still suffer with anxiety. It IS possible to move forward - you just need to want it badly enough and take all the help that is offered to you. Give yourself goals such as going to your nearest shop or park, but work on it in stages - go to your gate, then when that is comfortable progress to maybe crossing the road or going a short way down the street. Increase your 'comfort zone' gradually, and in time you will be where you want to be x
 
Marcy_Cakes

Marcy_Cakes

Member
Joined
Jul 7, 2020
Messages
5
Location
Austin, Texas
Hi there. I'm agoraphobic as well and had pretty much built my life around it. I know how you feel, I lived on and off with my parents. I now live with a boyfriend and work from home. I have been reading into neuroplasticity lately and self talk has been the biggest thing in my life that has made a positive impact. Every bad thought in my head is counteracted by a positive one. I do as many good things for myself as I can. It takes a bit of practice and feels silly and wrong but blimey! it works. Change takes time and patience. They say 10,000 hours makes an expert. Maybe try 5 minutes a day at first but keep moving forward a bit every day :) Best wishes and am here in my little city hoping you get to be the person you want to be.
 
frisas45

frisas45

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
855
Location
South Korea
Although I ain't agoraphobic, I too am unable to be independent. It's hard to get a job in South Korea, and I'm stuck with my parents. :low: And even if I do, it's my duty to stay and take care of them, So I can't get up and walk out.
 
M

Mel123

Member
Joined
May 12, 2020
Messages
23
Location
USA
One thing I have found that really helps me now to feel more independent is having a simple skill that can be enjoyable. An example could be slowly learn to play a not too complicated instrument. Perhaps learn about making art or creating things. It can be anything really. From learning to sew, crochet, knitting, painting, drawing. There are 100s of things out there that you might enjoy. The important part is in learning and practicing it helps connect you to the outside world. It gives you something to feel accomplished about. I started crocheting and embroidery. I'm not amazing at them but now I can make beanies and decorate things with embroidery. It's hard to start but baby steps is the way to go. I'm almost 40 and only now feeling less dependent on others so you definitely have plenty of time! 🙂
 
C

CalmMe

Member
Joined
Jul 20, 2020
Messages
20
Location
Texas
There is something I always panic about.
I have agoraphobia & I am terrified of people and going out.
I am 30 years old.
I live with my parents.
I am not used to doing things out on my own.
I know its never too late to start.
I always get this panic feeling that I won't be able to survive.
I see myself as weak and will easily be treated bad by people.
Sometimes I feel there no point in living that I won't be able to survive on my own.
This is a horrible feeling.
This weakness,hopeless,and helpless feeling.
No self esteem.
I feel to weak to survive in the world.
I know we have to be strong..but this is a fight I am always putting up with.
My self esteem and my panic is hard to deal with.
It makes me so upset.
I can't function like a normal person.
I wonder how can I make it in life or what is my purpose......
I want to tell you something. I started having anxiety around age 14. By 17 I put myself in a mental hospital. I was on Xanax and a bunch of other stuff for it. I was extremely introverted and would not go anywhere without my mother. When I got out of the hospital I found a wonderful therapist and he spent the next few years walking me through with baby steps and teaching me how to be an adult. I had many many many panic attacks. I hyperventilated. I got dizzy and thought I'd lose my mind at times. I did the baby steps and sometimes I did fine and sometimes I panicked, but I got through each one. My mom was supporting me. My therapist wanted me to get a job. This is what he did for me. This is probably really not what anyone would ever do now but this was like in 1992 I think. He told me if I got a job he would get me a Broadway show ticket. Motivation! I got a job. He got me the ticket. I saw The Secret Garden at the St. James. It was beautiful. He did the same when it came time to push me to get a driver's license (which I didn't get til I was 21). He had me go to the mall once and put in 30 applications. I remember it! I didn't get any calls back but I did it.

It's baby steps. You will function like a normal person. When I was 17, 18, 19 I was convinced with my agoraphobia that I would never leave my house. By the time I was 24 I was on an Amtrak train traveling from New York to California all by myself. I am living proof that YOU CAN FUNCTION NORMALLY. You may be struggling right now but take small steps. Every step is a victory.

I know someone who lived with his parents until he was 35 and didn't work and his dad covered his paycheck from the family business. It happens sometimes. He was able to eventually not be supported by his family and to apply for his own job and he got it and he was so proud of himself. It's scary but it's worth doing. It is never too late to start something new. You will be able to do it no matter how it looks from where you are right now. When I started playing guitar it hurt my fingers so much that I gave up for a while. But I wanted to learn it so I picked it up again and though my fingers hurt for a couple weeks they started building calluses and I was able to play longer with less pain until the point I didn't feel anything anymore (the tips of my fingers were kinda "permanently" numb from the calluses.)

I recommend a therapist who can work with you through the steps you need to take because you need a lot of support. Agoraphobia can be reduced. I went from being dizzy every time I tried to go out, I couldn't be in cars or I'd panic, and I never thought I'd ever get out of the house to actually traveling across the country. It did take me a few years to get to that point and a lot of work but your life awaits.
 
Lavender_Rose

Lavender_Rose

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 12, 2020
Messages
707
Location
United States
I'm a lot like you, basically the same situation. What keeps me going now is I know they kinda need to help them. At least that's what I tell myself. I want to be in a position where when they go they wont worry. But I dont think I'll survive for many reason. I'm sorry you feel that way, I know it can be really hard. I hope you can find your way even if iys one step at a time. At least it one step further than you were before.
 
U

Uno

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
56
Location
Uk
anything that you're passionate about or makes you happy could be your purpose.. no one has to have one.. i think everyone puts so much pressure on themselves to be this or that but we all muddle through and find our own ways of doing things that are right for us. adapting to new situations can be hard but possible, i think at times we never realise what we're capable of or how strong we are until we have to face something and muddle on through it. Going through mental health experiences can make you empathetic and compassionate towards others that have gone through the same, that understanding and sensitivity in itself is something special. you seem very kind, the world could use more of that. i'm sometimes concerned being too nice could be seen as a weakness but i've learnt the importance of having boundaries and also learned from experience etc as i've grown older.
 
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