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I don't know how to get back to who I am

B

briehudson

New member
Joined
Jan 5, 2015
Messages
2
Basically,

since about october i have been on a fast decrease mentally. I was able to cope with my anxiety to the standard of still being able to live, but recently it has gotten so bad. I started missing lessons, and then missing days of school, and then not going at all. I was lucky it fell around christmas so I had three weeks off anyway. However, now it is time to go back, and i just can't - i've told my parents and they said okay. But literally, I am stuck and I see no way out. I know people will say go to school, or you'll sink lower but there is no way i can get that much better in a day. Everybody in school knows about me, and everybody comments. Even people who were friends called me attention seeking, and hearing of one of my friends i might not come back, 'she's doing it all for attention she isn't even that ill.' which hurts me because, i then think oh perhaps i am not and I'm just being stupid. But then i get somewhere and i can't physically get out of my car, or home. We recently went skiing and i skied once for 5 minutes out of ten days, and spent the rest in bed crying. I also bashed my head a few times which is a bad thing for me, and now am sufficiently freaked out. On the way home I am so afraid of crowds, and leaving the car i refused to go to the toilet - for 18 hours even though i was desperate because i couldn't get into the toilet in the services. At home i had to wait until 11pm to eat, because i can't eat at the table without feeling trapped and like i am going to faint which sufficiently pisses off my parents, and right now i feel so alone. My family, and my friends they don't understand, and I can't help but feel like i am alone forever, and this is my life, this is what it's going to be. lying down, crying until i die. I know that's dark, but seriously that's all i see.

P.s I suffer, derealisation, health anxiety, social anxiety, panic disorder, agoraphobia, depression and gad.
 
*autumn*

*autumn*

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Hi briehudson , so sorry to hear of your troubles ; you have a lot of support here on this forum. Welcome :)
 
B

briehudson

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Jan 5, 2015
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Thank-you, and I would just like to say that I have since seen my psychiatrist and have started putting steps in order to be able to finish of my final year in school, and overcome these issues. So fingers crossed.
 
StillFighting

StillFighting

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 28, 2014
Messages
508
Hi, I'm sorry for what you're going through. I suffer from GAD as well, and I understand how difficult it can be to cope with anxiety. It affected my study at well, took me longer to graduate than I expected, but I did it in the end. I'm glad you're seeing a psychiatrist and taking steps :) It's important to have help, as it's a difficult fight to give alone. Many people are not well informed about mental health illnesses, I've seen this lack of understanding in my family and friends as well. Please, know that you're not alone here!
 
Apravo

Apravo

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Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
234
Location
Cheshire
Hey Brie, I too have suffered over the years with similar issues, I'm glad to say taking those steps you are taking now worked for me. Keep focusing on any positives and know things will get better. You have plenty of friends on here
 
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