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I don't know how to explain the way I am?

I

InPlainSight

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Feb 23, 2020
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So recently I was approached at dinner, by 2 people that have been there for most of my life. I say most, because as I was growing up I had to learn to not be so "attached" or "wanting attention" so I adapted; for when I was younger, saying "I'm bored" and simply wanting to do something with my parent wasn't allowed. I'd get in trouble for simply mentioning the fact that I was "bored". One more additional fact to add, my parents split when I was young, maybe 3 years old? I honestly can't ever remember living anywhere with both of them in the same place. Always separated, always having to choose which house I want to be at, and never really wanted to pick. These 2 people I mentioned are my parents, however I've never truly felt connected to them, or really anyone; still don't. They brought up the topic of my lack of communication, and so on. I've tried to explain it, but never know the right words to say other than recalling incidents in the past to describe/explain the way I am.

My mother brought the subject up of "What if I die? How would you feel if you didn't text or call back?"
In my mind, I said "I'd feel nothing at all" though knowing that answer would be socially acceptable, just as feeling/showing no emotion isn't exactly accepted, so like many beings that live on, adaptations occur, and I simply "act" how I think/have seen people be in said situations where emotions are required, and gave them the answer that would hide my indifference. As this indifference applies to anyone, no matter how long I've known them.

Simply trying to figure out a way to make it so people understand the way I am?

P.S.
This is also my first post here, and apologize if it's in the wrong forum.
 
D

Deleted member 86004

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Welcome!...I relate to this so much it's crazy. The situation with them approaching you didn't happen to me but just about everything else, I really really relate to. It happens, some of us have our whole perspective formed in a way that the people most responsible for it would not accept, and question how it got this way...life is funny like that🤔
 
I

InPlainSight

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Joined
Feb 23, 2020
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Like I've tried researching different things, related to how I respond and feel. Though everything points towards "high-functioning depression" is there something else to describe or say what it is? I don't really see the way I am as a form of depression, more like detached?
 
D

Deleted member 86004

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I think depression comes up the most often with researching because there are a lot of mental issues that can cause thing like this, dulled emotions/no emotions or empathy, and depression is just so common, I think that's why it comes up so much. There are a lot of other factors to consider, it's just about finding those puzzle pieces and putting them together..if you feel it's not depression, I would trust that :) Iwasted quite a bit of time being treated for depression and general social anxiety when really that's not exactly what I struggle with.
It really depends on any additional symptoms, thoughts, thought processes you may have...
 
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