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I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight

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reedjos08

Guest
I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight. I want to sleep, but my mind is just betraying me. A friend of mine got a new phone recently, some who read this might remember that I felt I was losing her. I recently was once again reaffirmed that this isn't the case, seeing as she is having issues with the sim card of the new phone. Even so, I keep looking at the corner of my room (well, the guest room of my brothers house, I'll get to that in a sec) and I see a light; it's the light from a text, but its not and I know it isn't.

It isn't even the right colour. I mean, if I'm going to see a light in the corner of my eye, at least be accurate. I know there are many reasons for her not to reply, I don't even think I should feel disappointed that I haven't heard anything since she asked me if I'm okay, after my most recent text dump of un-filtered thought; though I do feel disappointed, even if I don't get that feeling or even agree with it.

Life goes on. Tomorrow I get in a car and travel back to Reading. I was staying in Liverpool for Christmas, went back boxing day and then came back to Liverpool on Monday. Why? My brother asked me to come back, a retreat from home to help me. Well I didn't get better, tonight, by no fault of my brother, I felt worse. We leave for Reading at 6:45, it is currently 1:00. I needed to write this. I had to get all these thoughts out, seeing as I couldn't sleep because of them.

Today I was swarmed with people from a certain movement whose members I've had run ins with. This movement is Gamergate, a self proclaimed group for Ethics in Games Journalism, which really fails at most of those things, targeting non journalists, who have no evidence of Ethical violations. Gamergate is not a movement I can single handedly defeat, nor do my discussions with its followers discredit its ridicule to understand existence.

I feel for my sanity and moral standings, that I can't sit by while people are forced out of their homes for who they are and what field they love, but my actions only sadden me and fail to change anything. This added to my thoughts of Alex, the early wake up and my unease with my current motivation/momentum with College work is just hurting my chances of sleeping tonight.

Tomorrow will be a hard day for me. I don't know how I'm going to sleep off all of this tonight, hell, I don't think I will. Maybe tomorrow I'll just break down again or I'll actually get over it, either way it will be long, tiring and possibly depressing.

Happy new year to you all, excuse me if I don't feel like celebrating. I would rather sleep off the new year, just like I would rather allot of this last year be just an elaborate dream. My mind is over-thinking itself to the point I can't sleep, while I try to focus on what I know but can't use to fight what I should know to be false. Life is a tango between what our brains can conjure and what silver linings our brains can take in.
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
The fact that life goes on doesn't make it any easier to cope with, does it? I hope that you feel a little better when you are home again. Sometimes it's the being away that can unsettle us.

I hope that tomorrow is not too difficult for you and I'm sorry that you are struggling at the moment. Perhaps, for tonight, view sleep as something that will come if it comes but not to worry if it doesn't. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy.

I wish you well and bid you a Happy New Year. May it be better than expected :hug1:
 
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reedjos08

Guest
Thank you, you guys replying to me on these, no matter how big or small, means so much to me.
 
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