I don't know anymore

[naya]

(Ignore spellings&grammar mistakes please )
I have been having doubt about my body size since I entered puberty. Even tho I was in no means obese I did have a little extra baby fat which I was very insecure about. School mates and family members would often talk to me as ifwI was different. I remember my mum once saying I have a very fat ass when I was twelve. And my little sister and female friend being slender didn't help either.
As I entered high school my body reporportionated itself a bit which left me with a quite pleasing hourglass figure. My weight was more or less the same but the fat was now in my tights, booty and a little in my upper arms. Overall I still felt very healthy. My family had now stopped their comments (except my skinny sister). Hoewer, i started comparing my body size to one of my classmates who was obese. I looked at her legs, belly,arms and thought to myself "damn you are once again the fattest girl in class" which was sooo not true!! There were a few days when i was happy and could see that our sizes were nothing alike and I tried to convince myself to stop being so conscious of it.
It's been a few years and I have tried to solve my issues by loosing some weight. It is not a great success since i live with my family and have a hard time controlling my own diet. I have accidentally underrated a few times (which scared me a lot), have noticed i do sometimes overeat out of boredom, and seen a fear and discomfort of eating in public appear.
I have spent thid whole summer vacation worrying about lossing the 4 kg I have gained during quarantine (2 more left) and have made some nice plans to avoid snacking during the upcoming school year. But today my mum said something in regards to me not wanting to go on a mountain trip (just cuz it's far and I am sick in car & the last time i went i hurt my feet) She said "I can't go if you don't! It's ok if we are two being DRAGGED up there but alone..." I was in shock. I love walking/climbing and on the last trip not long ago i was just behind my sister while my mum and dad were far behind (mum is a bit overweight and dad was keeping an eye on her). The moment she said that i emediatly looked myself in the mirror and wanted to cry. What is wrong again?? I fell healthy and my befsuper super flat rn.
I really don't know anymore, I am so confused and angry. I am already thinking of looking for help for some other problems I have but now this is adding to it.

Thanks if someone reads this it means a lot. I am scared of annoying people i trust with all this again.

 

[bpd2020]

I think having a more adult body as a teenager can be tough. If the other students had a more child like body you will feel different. Having a thin sister is hard to as you will compare yourself. Those mean comments will have only added to your concerns. I really am sorry you are unhappy with your body. I have a strong feeling you feel this way due to the comments others have made as well as comparing yourself with your sister. Please do not under eat. It is not healthy and will make you feel unwell. I think you need to work on accepting your body and knowing you are you and that is okay. I know it is not easy but you mentioned you are going to seek support which will help too.

 

[naya]

I think having a more adult body as a teenager can be tough. If the other students had a more child like body you will feel different. Having a thin sister is hard to as you will compare yourself. Those mean comments will have only added to your concerns. I really am sorry you are unhappy with your body. I have a strong feeling you feel this way due to the comments others have made as well as comparing yourself with your sister. Please do not under eat. It is not healthy and will make you feel unwell. I think you need to work on accepting your body and knowing you are you and that is okay. I know it is not easy but you mentioned you are going to seek support which will help too.

I think having a more adult body as a teenager can be tough. If the other students had a more child like body you will feel different. Having a thin sister is hard to as you will compare yourself. Those mean comments will have only added to your concerns. I really am sorry you are unhappy with your body. I have a strong feeling you feel this way due to the comments others have made as well as comparing yourself with your sister. Please do not under eat. It is not healthy and will make you feel unwell. I think you need to work on accepting your body and knowing you are you and that is okay. I know it is not easy but you mentioned you are going to seek support which will help too.

Thank you so much I will try my best

 

[katwomyn3]

Not to be mean, but it sounds based that your image of yourself is constantly distorted based on the people around you. You mention your sister is thin, your mother is overweight. And unfortunately, as much as we love our family, they themselves don't know how to deal how they feel about themselves. And they will take it out on others. You said at times you felt please about your body until some comment they made brought you down. How you felt before was not wrong or distorted, but it became distorted based on what they said and you took it as fact. Therefore you are not good enough.
It sounds like they have issues they need to work on, and it's eye opening to see they have such issues because they seem so authoritative about many things including your own body.
You said you are going through puberty, your body will be changing and you will not like this disruption. The fact that you are being criticized during this time is mean, it really is. The things happening in your body you don't control and more importantly your body is still forming. I don't know why women don't talk about it, and instead choose to jump on what is happening to others when their own experience with puberty was different or they haven't dealt with it to this day.
If you need help to understand your relationship with food, let it be because you inherently feel you are not having a healthy relationship with food. Listen to your body, seek a better image of health and body image away from your family because it is obvious they are not helping you right now.

 

[naya]

Not to be mean, but it sounds based that your image of yourself is constantly distorted based on the people around you. You mention your sister is thin, your mother is overweight. And unfortunately, as much as we love our family, they themselves don't know how to deal how they feel about themselves. And they will take it out on others. You said at times you felt please about your body until some comment they made brought you down. How you felt before was not wrong or distorted, but it became distorted based on what they said and you took it as fact. Therefore you are not good enough.
It sounds like they have issues they need to work on, and it's eye opening to see they have such issues because they seem so authoritative about many things including your own body.
You said you are going through puberty, your body will be changing and you will not like this disruption. The fact that you are being criticized during this time is mean, it really is. The things happening in your body you don't control and more importantly your body is still forming. I don't know why women don't talk about it, and instead choose to jump on what is happening to others when their own experience with puberty was different or they haven't dealt with it to this day.
If you need help to understand your relationship with food, let it be because you inherently feel you are not having a healthy relationship with food. Listen to your body, seek a better image of health and body image away from your family because it is obvious they are not helping you right now.

I partly agree...hoewer my problems with my body started when i was 10 years old. I was skinny and no-one in the whole world said otherwise. And yet my thighs seemed enormous. I belive my family's comments bring me down because i am trying hard not to slip into a ED and yet my every effort is followed by "you are eating again", "what are you eating"...I actually don't love my family, they ended to control me on every aspect and I cannot forgive them. I don't like my body and I know i won't like it more if i lose weight. I think i just need to take control over my life so that i lose the need to control my food, and this ain't happening in this house.

PS i'm 19 so the puberty part is over sorry for the misunderstanding and thanks for the reply^^