i don't have a life

[ireallydontkow]

So i'm 16 and in two years i'll have to graduate high school and become an dult (i'm a girl). When i was younger i insisted on getting into a certain school so i put a lot of pressure on myself to study and get good grades or whatever. After i got in i just found myself quitting everything, giving up on my dreams and passions just to stay in that school and carry its name and of course at age 12 i was diagnosed with depression which only got worse every day. Right now i have to get a life for myself and choose a career or something and move out of my parents' house like every normal human, not to mention my parents don't like me very much and i feel like when i turn 18 they'll kick me out of their house for sure. I actually gave up on pretty much everything that makes a person feel alive a long time ago,i also have social anxiety(on a monstrous level) and i completely withdrew from the society like 4/5 years ago and right now i literally can't do anything that involves talking to people or going outside etc but I don't expect much,i just want to make a life for myself and stop being a burden.



And so there's this math competition and i have like 5 months or less to prepare for this thing but everytime i try to study i just feel like i don't know anything and can't solve problems,i get easily discouraged and just give up,i like to blame it on my parents thinking "this is how i was raised" since i don't have a sense of self worth or confidence and feel absolutely worthless, i don't believe in myself-it's not that i don't want to it's just that i can't no matter how hard i try-and i don't think i can do anything at all. From an objective point of view i really can't tell if this whole competition is really hard or relatively easy because for me everything is hard and now that i'm not even trying, i like to blame it on the stats(this competition has had literally no female participants in its history whatsoever) and i like to think that surely there must be a reason why only boys win this competition every year and that makes perfect sense to my mind which forces me to hate and think lowly of myself. There's an age limit for this thing so this year is my last chance to try and but considering all the competitors and the syllabus i don't know if i can catch up but again i can't help but to think this is probably my last opportunity to turn things around and get a life for myself but i just feel like doing nothing, i'm really really unmotivated and discouraged ,although it's what i like i just feel empty and frustrated. whenever i try to study i feel like i know nothing and will never get better so i just escape reality and let days pass without doing anything. And also people that do well in the competition will have to move to another city to get educated on the subject and it's like a big city unlike where i was born and of course i need to interact with people and the outside world and i just feel like it'll probably never work out since the odds are all against me and the stakes are HIGH. I hate myself for not doing anything but i just don't know what it is that should be done and i haven't tried. Therapy and medication never worked for me and my parents don't care at all about my health so even if i tried they'd never help me reach out for professional help. I asked about this matter on different websites so many times that i've lost count already,none of them helped so i thought people here would be more understanding or idk helpful so......

 

[GhostOfLenin]

So i'm 16 and in two years i'll have to graduate high school and become an dult (i'm a girl). When i was younger i insisted on getting into a certain school so i put a lot of pressure on myself to study and get good grades or whatever. After i got in i just found myself quitting everything, giving up on my dreams and passions just to stay in that school and carry its name and of course at age 12 i was diagnosed with depression which only got worse every day. Right now i have to get a life for myself and choose a career or something and move out of my parents' house like every normal human, not to mention my parents don't like me very much and i feel like when i turn 18 they'll kick me out of their house for sure. I actually gave up on pretty much everything that makes a person feel alive a long time ago,i also have social anxiety(on a monstrous level) and i completely withdrew from the society like 4/5 years ago and right now i literally can't do anything that involves talking to people or going outside etc but I don't expect much,i just want to make a life for myself and stop being a burden.



And so there's this math competition and i have like 5 months or less to prepare for this thing but everytime i try to study i just feel like i don't know anything and can't solve problems,i get easily discouraged and just give up,i like to blame it on my parents thinking "this is how i was raised" since i don't have a sense of self worth or confidence and feel absolutely worthless, i don't believe in myself-it's not that i don't want to it's just that i can't no matter how hard i try-and i don't think i can do anything at all. From an objective point of view i really can't tell if this whole competition is really hard or relatively easy because for me everything is hard and now that i'm not even trying, i like to blame it on the stats(this competition has had literally no female participants in its history whatsoever) and i like to think that surely there must be a reason why only boys win this competition every year and that makes perfect sense to my mind which forces me to hate and think lowly of myself. There's an age limit for this thing so this year is my last chance to try and but considering all the competitors and the syllabus i don't know if i can catch up but again i can't help but to think this is probably my last opportunity to turn things around and get a life for myself but i just feel like doing nothing, i'm really really unmotivated and discouraged ,although it's what i like i just feel empty and frustrated. whenever i try to study i feel like i know nothing and will never get better so i just escape reality and let days pass without doing anything. And also people that do well in the competition will have to move to another city to get educated on the subject and it's like a big city unlike where i was born and of course i need to interact with people and the outside world and i just feel like it'll probably never work out since the odds are all against me and the stakes are HIGH. I hate myself for not doing anything but i just don't know what it is that should be done and i haven't tried. Therapy and medication never worked for me and my parents don't care at all about my health so even if i tried they'd never help me reach out for professional help. I asked about this matter on different websites so many times that i've lost count already,none of them helped so i thought people here would be more understanding or idk helpful so......

You need to get off your own back for a start. Your to hard on yourself. And know no matter what you do your parents will allways love you.

 

[GhostOfLenin]

So i'm 16 and in two years i'll have to graduate high school and become an dult (i'm a girl). When i was younger i insisted on getting into a certain school so i put a lot of pressure on myself to study and get good grades or whatever. After i got in i just found myself quitting everything, giving up on my dreams and passions just to stay in that school and carry its name and of course at age 12 i was diagnosed with depression which only got worse every day. Right now i have to get a life for myself and choose a career or something and move out of my parents' house like every normal human, not to mention my parents don't like me very much and i feel like when i turn 18 they'll kick me out of their house for sure. I actually gave up on pretty much everything that makes a person feel alive a long time ago,i also have social anxiety(on a monstrous level) and i completely withdrew from the society like 4/5 years ago and right now i literally can't do anything that involves talking to people or going outside etc but I don't expect much,i just want to make a life for myself and stop being a burden.



And so there's this math competition and i have like 5 months or less to prepare for this thing but everytime i try to study i just feel like i don't know anything and can't solve problems,i get easily discouraged and just give up,i like to blame it on my parents thinking "this is how i was raised" since i don't have a sense of self worth or confidence and feel absolutely worthless, i don't believe in myself-it's not that i don't want to it's just that i can't no matter how hard i try-and i don't think i can do anything at all. From an objective point of view i really can't tell if this whole competition is really hard or relatively easy because for me everything is hard and now that i'm not even trying, i like to blame it on the stats(this competition has had literally no female participants in its history whatsoever) and i like to think that surely there must be a reason why only boys win this competition every year and that makes perfect sense to my mind which forces me to hate and think lowly of myself. There's an age limit for this thing so this year is my last chance to try and but considering all the competitors and the syllabus i don't know if i can catch up but again i can't help but to think this is probably my last opportunity to turn things around and get a life for myself but i just feel like doing nothing, i'm really really unmotivated and discouraged ,although it's what i like i just feel empty and frustrated. whenever i try to study i feel like i know nothing and will never get better so i just escape reality and let days pass without doing anything. And also people that do well in the competition will have to move to another city to get educated on the subject and it's like a big city unlike where i was born and of course i need to interact with people and the outside world and i just feel like it'll probably never work out since the odds are all against me and the stakes are HIGH. I hate myself for not doing anything but i just don't know what it is that should be done and i haven't tried. Therapy and medication never worked for me and my parents don't care at all about my health so even if i tried they'd never help me reach out for professional help. I asked about this matter on different websites so many times that i've lost count already,none of them helped so i thought people here would be more understanding or idk helpful so......

Hey i come from a fecked up family, loads of probs etc. But when i was your age i was really good on the clarinet. Do you have an interest you can loose your self in?

 

[GhostOfLenin]

Hey i come from a fecked up family, loads of probs etc. But when i was your age i was really good on the clarinet. Do you have an interest you can loose your self in?

Forgot to ask if your a christian , islamic, Buddhist teen etc.

 

[Lizaje]

1. Why don't your parents like you?
2. You should be in treatment whether you think it works or not.
3. You should serve your parents (I know people will hate me for this, but calm down — it's just an opinion), help them around the house, show respect to them, treat them kindly whether you like them or not and whether they like you or not. If you treat them well and they respond negatively, it is not your problem. Your work is to do good to them, not to worry about them (or anyone else for that matter) doing good to you.
4. Really, your future depends on a competition? What about your future profession? Does the competition help you get a job in the future? Does it help your wellbeing? Would moving to a big city improve your wellbeing?

 

[AlwaysinCrown]

I'm sorry about your parents and your situation. Maybe you can talk with your local religious authority or friends instead and make your situation clearer?

 

[Prycejosh1987]

Therapy and medication never worked for me and my parents don't care at all about my health so even if i tried they'd never help me reach out for professional help. I asked about this matter on different websites so many times that i've lost count already,none of them helped so i thought people here would be more understanding or idk helpful so......

One of them has to work, if they dont work at first, persist and the solutions and coping methods will start to work over time. It took 8 months of sleepiness nights and severe mental illnesses while taking olanzapine before it finally started to work for me. I had to persist, and keep taking the medication even though at first it didnt work. I tried different psychotic ones but as olanzapine was the most effective (still had rubbish effect) i stuck with olanzapine. It worked over time, and now 8 years later i take lower dosages now. If that worked for me it will work for you.