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I don't feel what I should...

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Novel

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Nov 7, 2019
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Arizona
If I'm not in pain, I feel nothing. I don't feel like myself if I'm not self harming because I like the scars. I see the scars and I'm me that way. I do good things for others, but it's only what I'm supposed to do. I have Christian beliefs, but I can't find it in myself to include other people in my life. I find trust a very important thing, but I can't trust others. I trust only pain. I don't think that this is where my life should be. If I can't find true relationships with people, what's the point? I shouldn't be here just for me, just to feel pain. But if I'm not in pain, I feel nothing.
Novel
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
hi welcome im so sorry to see you are struggling so much
I hope you like it here and find the forum helpful
love Lu xxx
 
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EstherRose94

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Hi novel! How long have you been feeling this way?
 
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Novel

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Nov 7, 2019
Messages
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Location
Arizona
Hi novel! How long have you been feeling this way?
since I was 13. I'm 24 now. And my life isn't horrible. A few stresses, a few traumas as a child. Nonetheless, I'm a normal person. Thank you for asking.
 
J

Jjpp

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I also feel this way. On and off for years. I feel like I'm going through the motions of trying to care about life but no real connection to it. I feel like the side character of my on life sometimes. I hate when when I try to act all excited about something but in my head I'm like " this is all nonsense, why should I care". It goes away. Life seems interesting again a somepoint, hopefully soon. Sometimes when I get an ear infection ( sorry, I know it's gross but they happened often and I swear there's a point) it made me feel alive cuz other wise I would feel nothing.
 
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Novel

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Arizona
I also feel this way. On and off for years.
That makes sense. I know it goes away when you have a lot to do and get pleasantly distracted. Some people say that's bi-polar but I don't know. I am a very analytical person, and even though I know that it's wrong to stew over negative thoughts, I try and do my best to at least understand myself and my thoughts and actions like a doctor would. So I'm always going back to my core results, and those are that I have no connection to others and have been suicidal since 16.
 
J

Jjpp

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Messages
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I used to self harm. Started at 16, didn't get to suicidal until 24. I just started to feel more and more like an outcast. And rejected by everyone. Family included. It does go away when you have thing to do. My problem is, I get bored easy. I need to stay focused. I have no idea why connecting with people is so hard. My only theory is, I don't wanna lie. I don't wanna have to keep saying "I'm doing good" or "I like this thing" cuz right now, I don't like nothing. That's why I came here. No playing pretend. And look. I'm talking to someone.
 
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EstherRose94

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since I was 13. I'm 24 now. And my life isn't horrible. A few stresses, a few traumas as a child. Nonetheless, I'm a normal person. Thank you for asking.
not to jump to conclusions but based on the age it started could it be hormonal? Linked anyway. For me most of my mood swings and stuff are
 
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Novel

Member
Joined
Nov 7, 2019
Messages
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Location
Arizona
not to jump to conclusions but based on the age it started could it be hormonal? Linked anyway. For me most of my mood swings and stuff are
I've considered checking my hormonal levels since I heard about it, but I never knew about it until about 2 months ago. So now I just need to make an appointment.
And I get that that could change my emotions, but what about my thoughts? Those facts are still ringing in my head.
 
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Novel

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Nov 7, 2019
Messages
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Arizona
I used to self harm. Started at 16, didn't get to suicidal until 24.
I think it's a good thing you're talking. I'm well aware that talking helps. I just feel like I can't help anybody else when I don't believe in what I say.
 
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Jjpp

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Messages
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And that's ok. I just like how honest you are. You don't need to say anything profound and inspiring to change my life. I just like to hear people be honest with one another. Being open helps me. Im sorry if I was off putting. I just really enjoy not having to hold back.
 
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EstherRose94

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I've considered checking my hormonal levels since I heard about it, but I never knew about it until about 2 months ago. So now I just need to make an appointment.
And I get that that could change my emotions, but what about my thoughts? Those facts are still ringing in my head.
I can relate to a lot of what you say. I over analyze my thoughts too. Some of them are just not consistent with the reality around me and so I need to just let them go. But it is still hard to know which ones are which! I totally get the struggle of trying to decide when to listen to yourself I guess? But our emotions can really effect our thoughts. We have to try to ground ourselves with something. I’m in therapy now and taking an antidepressant and both have helped a lot.
 
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Novel

Member
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Nov 7, 2019
Messages
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Location
Arizona
And that's ok. I just like how honest you are. You don't need to say anything profound and inspiring to change my life. I just like to hear people be honest with one another. Being open helps me. Im sorry if I was off putting. I just really enjoy not having to hold back.
Well, if it's not against the rules, would you prefer to text? I can give you my number to talk whenever you want
 
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Novel

Member
Joined
Nov 7, 2019
Messages
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Location
Arizona
I can relate to a lot of what you say. I over analyze my thoughts too.
Thank you for your consideration, EstherRose. I will try and get checked soon. I see where you're coming from and I'm really open to almost anything.
 
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Jjpp

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Messages
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Nc
I'm new here lol. I have no idea what the rules are. I just started today. I'll tell you what, if we can keep a convo going for a week ( not the whole week. Like off and on a day or 2) we definitely qualify as texting buddies
 
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