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I don't feel like myself

P

Princess Zelda

Guest
I just don't know who I am. It feels like my soul isn't a part of me or something. Like I'm some kind of robot going through life. Sometimes I look back on what happened through the day and wonder if it actually happened or not. I used to have an obsession with the number 8 and I feel this thought coming back to me. I'm scared of that happening. I saw that number everywhere years ago, even in the hospital I was in. I don't want to go back to a hospital. It feels like I'm going backwards in life too. I'm not getting better I guess. My emotions change every second and I still don't know who I am.
 
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Princess Zelda

Guest
Sorry everyone, it feels like I rushed through writing this post. I just feel like I don't have a personality or something. I'm nothing I guess. And when it comes to the number 8, I had a lot or paranoia and delusions involving that number and I am worried that this is all going to happen again.
 
J

Jazzmine84

Well-known member
Joined
May 5, 2020
Messages
148
Location
Montreal, Canada
It must not be easy being challenged all the time by a recurrent thought, but if you overcomed it once, I’m sure you can do it again. And I invite you to see your struggles as temptation to ones weakness, not as going backwards. You will probably always have some triggers that will challenge your mental stability, but try to remember what helped you and use it to anchor your mental health.

Don’t be to hard on yourself. Whether you feel like you know yourself or not, it’s never too late to try and learn.

Hope you’ll feel better soon!
 
Lance__

Lance__

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2019
Messages
262
Location
Spain
I just don't know who I am. It feels like my soul isn't a part of me or something. Like I'm some kind of robot going through life. Sometimes I look back on what happened through the day and wonder if it actually happened or not. I used to have an obsession with the number 8 and I feel this thought coming back to me. I'm scared of that happening. I saw that number everywhere years ago, even in the hospital I was in. I don't want to go back to a hospital. It feels like I'm going backwards in life too. I'm not getting better I guess. My emotions change every second and I still don't know who I am.
Of course you are someone, Zelda, you are a beautiful soul :hug: I don't know if it can help but from what I have seen in this forum I can say you are a beautiful person with a lot of light inside. And with a lot of talent for drawing. And who has the amazing dream of becoming an artist.

About feeling like a robot, it sounds a lot like despersonalization, maybe grounding techniques could be helpful. And sometimes it is perfectly ok not to be ok, don't have to apologize.
Hoping you the best :hug:
 
P

Princess Zelda

Guest
It must not be easy being challenged all the time by a recurrent thought, but if you overcomed it once, I’m sure you can do it again. And I invite you to see your struggles as temptation to ones weakness, not as going backwards. You will probably always have some triggers that will challenge your mental stability, but try to remember what helped you and use it to anchor your mental health.

Don’t be to hard on yourself. Whether you feel like you know yourself or not, it’s never too late to try and learn.

Hope you’ll feel better soon!
Thank you so much. I'll try finding something to help me with this. I talked to my doctor's about it before and I guess the medication I'm taking it supposed to help. Maybe I need to try something else. I wanted to ask my doctor about my paranoia, so if I get to call him again I'll ask him about this too. Thank you! ☺
 
P

Princess Zelda

Guest
Of course you are someone, Zelda, you are a beautiful soul :hug: I don't know if it can help but from what I have seen in this forum I can say you are a beautiful person with a lot of light inside. And with a lot of talent for drawing. And who has the amazing dream of becoming an artist.

About feeling like a robot, it sounds a lot like despersonalization, maybe grounding techniques could be helpful. And sometimes it is perfectly ok not to be ok, don't have to apologize.
Hoping you the best :hug:
:hug: Thank you so much your comment made me smile. I googled depersonalization and I feel like I relate to it a lot. Thank you again for your kind comment! ^-^
 
P

Princess Zelda

Guest
At the same time I feel like the number 8 could mean something good and lucky. I feel like it could be something positive. After all, it's sort of been a positive symbol for me during terrible times.

I'm doing better now, but I know this feeling might come back again. It's so strange. It's like floating in space or something. It really confuses me.
 
P

Princess Zelda

Guest
It's happening again. I feel like I can't take my own emotions seriously, but at the same time I'm such an emotional person. I think sometimes I seem to understand myself, but at other times I just question again if I'm even real or not. I was upset today for many reasons. I become overwhelmed easily.

This reminds me, I don't like being out in public because of this feeling. Because I feel so lost surrounded by so many people and I become so tired. I also get distracted so easily by my thoughts and feeling like I'm not real, and this causes me to not focus on reality. I actually had strangers become annoyed with me for being forgetful. Like one time a bus driver was really angry at me when my mind was somewhere else and I couldn't respond to him. Then he began to talk and laugh about me with another man on the bus. I just ignored everything, but I still feel bad about this today. This is why I don't like to go outside alone because I feel like I don't know what to do.

The number 8 has been around for me for years. It's almost like some kind of sign I guess. Or a lucky number? I'm not exactly sure. I try not to think too much about it these days, but sometimes I wonder if I'll ever start seeing it even more again.

Just feels like I'm not here at all.
 
frisas45

frisas45

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
1,275
Location
South Korea
It's happening again. I feel like I can't take my own emotions seriously, but at the same time I'm such an emotional person. I think sometimes I seem to understand myself, but at other times I just question again if I'm even real or not. I was upset today for many reasons. I become overwhelmed easily.

This reminds me, I don't like being out in public because of this feeling. Because I feel so lost surrounded by so many people and I become so tired. I also get distracted so easily by my thoughts and feeling like I'm not real, and this causes me to not focus on reality. I actually had strangers become annoyed with me for being forgetful. Like one time a bus driver was really angry at me when my mind was somewhere else and I couldn't respond to him. Then he began to talk and laugh about me with another man on the bus. I just ignored everything, but I still feel bad about this today. This is why I don't like to go outside alone because I feel like I don't know what to do.

The number 8 has been around for me for years. It's almost like some kind of sign I guess. Or a lucky number? I'm not exactly sure. I try not to think too much about it these days, but sometimes I wonder if I'll ever start seeing it even more again.

Just feels like I'm not here at all.
Um... you might need some help from a therapist and medication for this, but here are some tips I can give you:

-Use mindfulness meditation. Be aware of your surroundings. Might make this go away.

-F*** the bus driver. I had some rude people in real life. I had one yell at me for getting off at the wrong stop. Bus drivers are low-paid, and they don't have time to deal with people like us. Bunch of assholes. Plus, I had some dip-wads at my Korean language school who turned their backs at me when I needed help.

-Find yourself time alone, and don't take emotions seriously. This might complicate your thinking if you don't.
 
P

Princess Zelda

Guest
Um... you might need some help from a therapist and medication for this, but here are some tips I can give you:

-Use mindfulness meditation. Be aware of your surroundings. Might make this go away.

-F*** the bus driver. I had some rude people in real life. I had one yell at me for getting off at the wrong stop. Bus drivers are low-paid, and they don't have time to deal with people like us. Bunch of assholes. Plus, I had some dip-wads at my Korean language school who turned their backs at me when I needed help.

-Find yourself time alone, and don't take emotions seriously. This might complicate your thinking if you don't.
Thank you so much. Yeah I agree with therapy because I've been thinking about trying it out again. Therapy helped me out a lot before. I'm nervous about trying new medication because of the side effects, but I'll mention all of this to my doctor.

Thank you for all of your advice! ^-^
 
Lance__

Lance__

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2019
Messages
262
Location
Spain
This reminds me, I don't like being out in public because of this feeling. Because I feel so lost surrounded by so many people and I become so tired. I also get distracted so easily by my thoughts and feeling like I'm not real, and this causes me to not focus on reality. I actually had strangers become annoyed with me for being forgetful. Like one time a bus driver was really angry at me when my mind was somewhere else and I couldn't respond to him. Then he began to talk and laugh about me with another man on the bus. I just ignored everything, but I still feel bad about this today. This is why I don't like to go outside alone because I feel like I don't know what to do.

Just feels like I'm not here at all.
This sounds a lot like dissociation, including derealization and depersonalization. Dissociation is difficult to manage by ourself because it implies a disconnection between thoughts, feelings, and sense of self. Maybe what happened with the bus driver was a dissociative episode, if you were not able to reply back, like your body was present, but the mind wasn't. Don't feel bad about this event. The bus driver was very rude to you; instead of help you he laughed at you. He was very disrespecful, and you didn't deserve it. Also, dissociation is something that happens unconsciously in our mind, we can't control it directly. There are grounding techniques to help to come back to the present-and-here, maybe it can help you too. And therapy can be really helpful as well.

About emotions, my therapist says that being a highly sensitive person is a blessing, like a gift. Sometimes I struggle to accept it because it's really painful, but deep down I know he is right, and that the world needs more sensitive people :hug:
 
P

Princess Zelda

Guest
This sounds a lot like dissociation, including derealization and depersonalization. Dissociation is difficult to manage by ourself because it implies a disconnection between thoughts, feelings, and sense of self. Maybe what happened with the bus driver was a dissociative episode, if you were not able to reply back, like your body was present, but the mind wasn't. Don't feel bad about this event. The bus driver was very rude to you; instead of help you he laughed at you. He was very disrespecful, and you didn't deserve it. Also, dissociation is something that happens unconsciously in our mind, we can't control it directly. There are grounding techniques to help to come back to the present-and-here, maybe it can help you too. And therapy can be really helpful as well.

About emotions, my therapist says that being a highly sensitive person is a blessing, like a gift. Sometimes I struggle to accept it because it's really painful, but deep down I know he is right, and that the world needs more sensitive people :hug:
Thank you so much! :hug:

I was actually planning to try out therapy again last year I think. But I decided not to go. I will see if I can try it again. Maybe a different therapist or the same one. I think now I have a better understanding of what's going on with me though, so that's good. I'll read more about all of this. Thank you again! ^^
 
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